


Harry Potter and the Rise of the Trickster

by Raolin



Category: DCU (Comics), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Justice League - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Humor, Multi, Powerful Harry, Snarky Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2019-10-18 14:57:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 47,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17583011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raolin/pseuds/Raolin
Summary: Harry Potter, a superhero, and a supervillain walk into a bar. Things escalate a bit from there. Specifically, into my answer to the Blood Brandy Vegas Challenge, which will forcefully introduce Harry to the DC Universe just when a number of sidekicks and younger heroes are getting a little antsy with the current status quo. Things are gonna get crazy. Harry/Multi. AU Harry raised by Sirius.





	1. What was in that bloody brandy?

_I’m alive_.

 

This was the first thought to trudge through Harry Potter’s head as he slowly crawled his way back to consciousness from a blackout drunk. However, this was promptly complimented with a second thought.

 

 _Damn it_.

 

It was understandable that he’d be slightly less than thrilled to still be among the living. His mouth felt like cotton and tasted like he’d been chewing on an old shoe, his head felt like a marching band parading about in a steel drum, each of his joints felt like they had been twisted backwards, and his stomach felt like a _cruciatus_ curse was being fired solely at his internal organs.

 

In other words, not that great.

 

 _Observation: Mixing_ Felix Felicis _with booze might not have been the smartest move_.

 

At his stomach’s insistence, he amended that thought. _At least, I hope what I drank was booze. A cocktail of cyanide and bleach feels like it would be more accurate_.

 

However, he was soon distracted from these thoughts by the sound of a soft, feminine moan and the feel of something warm nuzzling into his chest from where he was lying on his side.

 

 _Oh, shit_.

 

Wincing in anticipation, he slowly opened his sandpaper eyelids to blearily peek at what his hungover brain decreed to be an obnoxiously and painfully bright room. Looking around, he was rather curious about the numerous pieces of furniture neatly arranged on the ceiling. He was also fairly intrigued by the riotous colors covering the walls like someone had unleashed a flying toddler and given it a few buckets of paint to play with. And he was also more than a bit concerned by the pairs of deep scorch marks that zigzagged across what he could see of the ceiling and walls. However, his attention was pretty exclusively taken up by the mop of tangled golden hair burrowed into his chest and the feel of soft but surprisingly strong arms he could now feel wrapped around his waist.

 

 _I guess the_ Felix Felicis _did its job_ , he realized in amusement. _I got lucky_.

 

Unfortunately, his body decided to respond to his chortling with a stab of agony, making him groan, and this was apparently enough to wake up his mysterious bedmate.

 

“No. Kryptonite bad. Get it away,” the girl mumbled with a pained groan as she removed her right hand from under the blanket to grab at her head, which doubtless felt about as good as his own did right now. As she swept her hair away from her face, though, he was shocked at just how … _stunning_ she was. A delicate nose, bright red lips, arching cheekbones … even the sickly sheen to her skin and the bloodshot cast to her sapphire blue eyes didn’t detract from her amazing looks.

 

 _Thank you, Las Vegas_ , he silently praised.

 

Just then, he realized that she was staring back into his own bloodshot emerald eyes from half a foot away.

 

“Who are you?” she asked, staring at him blearily.

 

 _Oh, this is just too easy_.

 

“You mean you don’t remember?” he asked in a weepy, choked-up voice. “Did I mean so little to you?” He managed to work a few tears into his eyes. “You said you loved me! Was … was that just a lie?”

 

Now, the poor, confused girl was looking at him in a panic as her booze-addled mind clearly scrambled for a way to fix this. Of course, this changed pretty quickly as his facade broke and he started bursting into snickers, which seemed to clue her in to the fact that he was pulling her leg. In fact, he could swear there was an actual red glow to her eyes as she glared at him.

 

 _Damn. She could give Snape glaring lessons_ , he reflected in amazement.

 

“My name is Harry,” he relented, deciding to defuse what was starting to feel like an actual dangerous situation. “What’s yours?”

 

“… Kara,” she returned, her eyes finally regaining their startlingly blue but still red-rimmed appearance. With a groan, she started rubbing at her temple once more. “What happened?”

 

“You don’t remember anything either?” he asked, idly noticing that she wasn’t pulling away from where they were tangled together, a very welcome surprise.

 

“Not … really,” she admitted, furrowing her brow as she forced her sluggish brain to start working. “I remember catching some crimi– … uh, finishing a job that took me to Vegas.” He noted her sudden evasiveness, but didn’t say anything. “And I remember deciding to see the sights, maybe celebrate a bit … but after that, nothing.” This time, her forehead was furrowed in frustration. “I don’t understand, though. How did this happen?”

 

“Well, just a guess, but I’d say alcohol probably got involved at some point,” he suggested, bemused at her confusion.

 

“It can’t be. Alcohol doesn’t affect me,” she seemed to counter without thinking, which she also appeared to regret a moment later, given her nervous glance at him.

 

“Really? Because if not, you’re doing a damn fine job impersonating a girl with a hangover,” he rebutted.

 

“But I …,” she paused, clearly confused. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen any green rocks around, have you? Weird freaky glow? Looks like something that might pop up freaking everywhere, for some reason? … Ringing any bells, by chance?”

 

“Other than the few dozen my headache’s currently ringing in my skull, not really,” he replied.

 

Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted with a groaned, “Less talky-talk; more sleepy-sleep,” followed by another arm flopping out from under the blanket and draping across the two of them from somewhere behind him.

 

He wasn’t sure whose eyes were wider, his or hers, as they both stared at that (thankfully female) arm in utter shock. Meanwhile, he finally became aware of the sensation of another warm body snuggling into his back.

 

The girl in front of him—Kara, she said her name was—mouthed, ‘ _Who the hell is that?’_

 

He could only shrug in helpless confusion. But before he could turn around to confront the mysterious third member of their little pantsless sleepover, he noticed a distinctive tattoo on her left forearm … as well as a very particular adornment on her ring finger.

 

_BLOODY HELL!_

 

With an agonized groan, he grabbed at his throbbing head. _Quiet thoughts, Harry. Quiet thoughts._

 

However, his eyes suddenly flew open, and with a gulp, he lowered his gaze from the confused blonde in front of him to his own left hand …

 

… and the matching tattoo and wedding band he spotted there.

 

“Drunk-Harry,” he muttered, “you, sir, are an asshole.”

 

“You’re married?!” Kara whispered in shock and horror upon spotting the matching tattoos and wedding rings on him and the mystery girl.

 

“I wasn’t before last night,” he quietly corrected her, giving her a meaningful look.

 

Her face suddenly paled as she understood his meaning, and her bulging eyes slowly dropped to the sheets covering them all … and her own left arm still buried underneath.

 

Swallowing audibly, she slowly extricated it from where it was wrapped around his waist and lifted it in front of her. And there, just like with them, was a simple golden wedding band wrapped around her finger, while coiled around her blanket-creased forearm was an identical green and black serpent with a crown of silver horns.

 

“Kal is going to kill me,” she stated unquestioningly.

 

“Boyfriend?” he asked in both concern and disappointment, odd as it was.

 

“Cousin,” she answered, much to his relief. “Though you’d think he was my dad the way he’s always on my case.” She groaned. “He’s going to have a field day with this. I run off to Vegas, get drunk, get _married_ — _to two people,_ _somehow_ _!_ —and get tattooed. His head’s going to explode. Followed shortly by my own.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” he assured her.

 

He, of course, had to immediately be proven a liar, and so the final member of their little trio decided to give up her attempts at going back to sleep and instead chose to insert herself into the conversation.

 

“Ya’ know, you two are really cuttin’ into a gal’s beauty sleep,” she informed them both in a heavy Brooklyn accent, leveraging herself up and resting her chin on his shoulder, revealing wide, tired-looking crystal-blue eyes sparkling even now with a faint mischievous light, set within a heart-shaped face that looked like it was made for laughing. Shaking her head slightly, she revealed soft golden hair pulled into two high pigtails that gave her an adorable, guileless look, though that glimmer in her eyes made him question that look just a tad.

 

“ _No_ _oo_ ,” Kara breathed, looking at her with the most horrified expression he had personally ever seen, and he had seen Neville get detention from Snape, so that was really saying something.

 

“Hiya, Goldie,” Not-Kara greeted her brightly. “Catchin’ up with the hubby, are we?”

 

“H-h– … _Harley_?!” Kara squealed, her voice getting even higher than the aforenamed Harley’s.

 

“In the flesh!” she responded with a proud flip of her hair. “Why? You was expectin’ someone else?”

 

Since the goldfish-imitating Kara seemed to have lost her powers of speech, Harry decided to try catching up.

 

“So, let me guess … you two are sisters?” he asked, looking back and forth from one beautiful, blue-eyed blonde to the next.

 

“Wh–NO!” Kara practically choked on her own words, she was so desperate to deny that.

 

“Oh,” he responded in perhaps a little too much audible disappointment, though the way her shout kicked his hangover migraine into overdrive, he felt like he more than paid for it.

 

“Well, geez, there’s no reason ta sound _that_ disgusted at the idea,” Harley complained to Kara. “You’d be lucky ta have me as a sistah! An’ besides, we kinda are now, after all.” She wiggled her ring-clad hand at the extremely pale Kara, who was staring at that ring like a brandished knife.

 

“Am I missing something?” he asked, confused as to how exactly they knew each other.

 

“Don’t you know who this is?” Kara hissed at him, still staring wide-eyed at the other girl.

 

“Hmm. I wanna say … Harley?” he guessed, looking up at the bubbly blonde resting her chin on his shoulder for confirmation.

 

“Aw, you remembah’d!” she cooed happily, planting a massive kiss on his cheek.

 

 _I like this girl_ , he decided as he took in her beaming smile.

 

“This is _Harley Quinn_!” Kara informed him dramatically.

 

“Oh,” he responded before turning to Harley. “Pleased for sober-me to meet you, Harley Quinn,” he greeted her politely, taking and gently kissing the back of her hand.

 

“Ah, such a gentleman,” she complimented with a flutter of her eyelashes. “And that’s Harley Pottah, now!” she corrected Kara fiercely. “Or … maybe Harley Quinn-Pottah,” she amended with an uncertain look. “Harley Quittah? No, that’s no good. Mmm … I dunno. We nevah really talked much about names an’ stuff last night, did we?”

 

“Wait … you remember last night?” Kara asked in shock.

 

“Well, of course I remembah!” Harley replied indignantly. “It was the most magical night o’ my life!” She gave a dreamy sigh and draped herself against Harry.

 

“Hey, Harley?” he asked, eyeing his new tattoo nervously. “We didn’t, by chance, decide to visit a tattoo parlor or something to get these, did we?”

 

“Aw, so you don’t remembah?” Harley pouted. “You gave ‘em to us, silly! Said it was somethin’ ya’ learned from ‘ol’ Tommy boy’, whoever that is.” She shrugged. “All I know is, it was _really_ romantic! Like we’re all a part o’ each other, now!” She sighed and smiled at her tattoo.

 

“Perfect. Bloody well done, drunk-Harry,” he groaned.

 

Rather than ask, Kara decided to instead address the starry-eyed elephant in the room. “I suppose you have no idea that Harley Quinn is a notorious criminal, do you?” she asked Harry.

 

“ _Ex_ -notorious criminal!” Harley corrected. “I’m goin’ straight!” She paused. “Well, straight- _ish_.” She gave Kara a smoky look and purred at her, walking her fingers up the other girl’s arm.

 

“Oh, Rao,” Kara breathed, staring at Harley like a viper. “Please tell me we didn’t … you know …”

 

Harley gave her a salacious wink.

 

Kara groaned and sat up, burying her face in her hands. “Forget kryptonite,” she muttered under her breath. “I’m going to die of shame, right here, right now.”

 

“You know, you was a lot more fun last night,” Harley complained with a pout. “Maybe you should have more of sweetie’s special booze. That seemed ta get the stick outta yer butt.”

 

“Special booze?” Kara asked, taking her head out of her hands to look at Harley. “What special booze?”

 

“You know, the magicky kind,” Harley explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “The regular stuff wasn’t doin’ nothin’ for ya’, on account o’ you bein’ _you_ an’ all, so our dear ol’ sweetie here offered you some of his secret stash o’ magicky drinks to let ya’ have a good time.” Harley giggled. “And you certainly seemed ta have that. Even _I_ could barely keep up wit’ ya’! Seemed like you was way overdue for a party.” She shrugged. “If you ask me, you’ve been spendin’ too much time around ol’ Big Blue, captain o’ the No-Fun Brigade.”

 

Kara went very still. “You … know who I am?”

 

“Well, duh!” Harley replied. “Ya’ don’t even wear a mask! And you wasn’t exactly subtle about who you were last night. Well, not ta _us_ , anyway.”

 

“Perfect,” Kara muttered. “Way to go on the secret identity front, Kara!”

 

“Aw, don’t worry, hon,” Harley assured her, reaching over to pat her on her knee. “We won’t tell nobody. You can trust us.”

 

This promise seemed to amuse Kara a great deal. “And what about you, Harry? You’ve been awful quiet. What are your thoughts? And where did you get magical liquor from anyway?” She waited for a response. “… Harry?”

 

The reason he wasn’t answering wasn’t that he was being rude. He simply didn’t even hear her question. When Kara sat up, the sheet had fallen down to her waist, and he had been diligently staring at her breasts ever since. However, the sudden silence sadly pulled him back to reality, and he raised his eyes to meet her own flat look.

 

“I’m sorry, what?” he asked as Harley giggled behind him.

 

“I asked where you got magical liquor from,” she repeated with a faint blush, though he made note of the fact that she still didn’t cover up.

 

“Oh, you know … around,” he answered vaguely, sitting up. Before she could speak, though, a wand appeared in his hand, which he gently waved at the surrounding room. Before their eyes, walls scrubbed themselves clean, scorch marks healed, and broken furniture reassembled themselves—and in some cases, surrendered their hold on the ceiling. Within moments, they were surrounded by a pristine room so neat, it looked as if housekeeping had just left. Well, excepting the scattered bits of clothing strewn across the floor, anyway. “Wouldn’t want to lose our security deposit,” he informed Kara cheekily.

 

“Incredible,” she breathed, staring out at the recently destroyed room.

 

“Yep! Our sweetie here is a boner fide _wizard_!” Harley squealed proudly, wrapping herself around his left arm, the sheet barely clinging to her bare upper torso. “And that’s _nothin’_ on some o’ the stuff he showed us last night. Ooh, ooh, show her the patrona-thingy!”

 

“I showed you two the _patronus_ charm?” he asked, rolling his eyes at himself. “I’m starting to suspect that drunk-me isn’t exactly a subtle creature.”

 

“Definitely a fun one, though,” Harley proclaimed with a grin.

 

Kara was too distracted to join in, though, as she gently traced a series of pale, nickel-sized scars that dotted his tightly muscled torso, following a rectangular arc from right shoulder back to right hip, as if a massive creature had bitten into his side and come within a hair of swallowing him whole.

 

“How’d you get this?” she asked softly, her warm fingers gently brushing aside the fine golden chain of his necklace as she traced the pattern of scars.

 

“Snake bite,” he answered.

 

“That doesn’t look like any snake I’ve ever heard of,” she countered, noting the torso-sized bite radius.

 

“It was a really big snake,” he supplied with a grin.

 

Kara rolled her eyes with a smile. “Whatever. We need a plan of action, here.”

 

Harley raised her hand and bounced a bit. “Ooh, I know! How abouts we go for round two?”

 

“Round two?” Kara asked in confusion.

 

Grinning, Harley let the sheet fall down to her waist.

 

“I second this plan,” Harry voted, his eyes firmly locked onto Harley’s rather impressive breasts, which seemed to please her a great deal, given how she started preening and gently wiggling.

 

“No! No round two!” Kara hastily announced.

 

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t technically be round _two_ ,” Harley amended, tapping on her lips in thought. “It would be round …,” she started counting on her fingers.

 

“Lalalalala don’t need to hear this!” Kara cried, scrunching her eyes and plugging her ears. “The point is, no.”

 

“Aw, _c’moooon_ , Goldie,” Harley whined.

 

“No means no,” Kara insisted.

 

“Hmph!” Harley folded her arms and pouted before sticking her tongue out at Kara.

 

Kara sighed. “Okay, we seriously nee–,” she paused and grabbed Harry’s chin, forcefully turning him away from Harley’s now incredibly emphasized breasts and making him focus. “We need a plan of action, here,” she repeated.

 

“Uh,” he replied, his brain taking a minute to change gears, “Oh! We should probably find my family.” He turned to Harley. “You remember last night. Any idea where they are?”

 

“Hmm,” Harley gave it some thought. “Yer cousin was still with us when we came back ta the room the casino comped us, I think. Don’t really remembah when we lost the others, though. We was havin’ a bit too much fun fer me ta pay attention.”

 

“Well, I somehow doubt they spent the night singing Kumbaya and making responsible decisions, so we should probably track them down,” he said. “Plus … I kinda need to talk to my uncle.” He eyed their matching tattoos. “Urgently.”

 

“Alright, sounds like a plan,” Kara happily responded. Pausing, she eyed him for a moment before gaining a slight smirk. Without another word, she floated out of the bed towards her clothes, utterly nude.

 

Harry wasn’t sure whether the heavenly choir he suddenly heard was real or just in his head, but it seemed appropriate nonetheless.

 

“Harley? What are you doing?” Kara asked, looking back over her shoulder as she pulled her skirt on.

 

With a shake of her head, Harley ceased her heavenly choir impersonation (and answered Harry’s previous unasked question). Jumping out of the bed, she happily bounded towards her own clothes.

 

Harry suddenly started fearing the possibility of a spontaneous bloody nose. However, he was soon distracted by a rather surprising detail.

 

“You can fly!” he blurted out as Kara floated over towards her bra.

 

“You’re just noticing that now?” she asked him with a teasing grin, as she had been doing it for the past several minutes.

 

“I’ve been distracted,” he defended, watching as the mostly naked Harley hopped about on one foot trying to pull on a long, brightly colored striped stocking, and all the delightful jiggling this caused. “Very distracted.”

 

Rolling her eyes and smiling, Kara resumed dressing, while Harley finally tipped over with a yelp in her struggle with her sock. After a few moments, though, Kara turned back to Harry, who was still in bed. “You know, unless you plan to walk around wearing a sheet as a toga, you might want to get dressed too,” she suggested. However, her expression turned confused as she looked around at the rest of the room, glancing over Harley as she rolled around on the floor struggling with her tiny shorts. “I’m not seeing your clothes, though.”

 

Harry grinned. “Don’t worry; I’ve got it covered.” He gently fingered the golden locket dangling over his chest.

 

“What, are they under the bed?” Kara asked, bending over and looking for herself. Harry responded with some strange hissing sound, of all things, and to her astonishment, when she sat up to look at him and ask him what that was about, she found him standing next to the bed fully dressed.

 

His boots were made of a strange, faintly red-tinged glossy black leather that had an almost scale-like pattern to them. Kara also noticed a few odd designs that she couldn’t place delicately tooled into the leather at various points. Above them, he simply had on plain blue jeans and a black button-up shirt, but over that, he wore a leather jacket that, like the boots, seemed exceptionally well made and cared for, except it was also made of some strange leather she couldn’t place that looked mostly black, but with a faint dark-green tinge to it as opposed to the faint crimson tinge of the boots, and it had an ever-so-faint snakeskin-like pattern to it as opposed to the scale-like pattern of the boots.

 

Her sharp eyes also noticed him tucking his golden locket into his shirt, only this time, on the face of the locket, she spotted an “S” made of small green gems laid out like a serpent, which was surrounded by strange runes and symbols she didn’t recognize, but that reminded her of the markings she noticed on the boots.

 

“How’d you get dressed so fast?” she asked in amazement, wondering if he had superspeed or something.

 

“Magic,” he very informatively answered her with a grin. As he snickered at her frustrated face, he looked over at the final member of their terrible trio. “How you doing there, Harley?”

 

“I’m fine!” she answered in a muffled voice, her head half sticking out the sleeve of her shirt as she struggled with it. “Almost got it.”

 

“Oh, for Rao’s sake,” Kara complained, walking over and helping the girl with the unreasonably tight and inexplicably twisted garment.

 

“Thanks, Goldie!” Harley said, beaming up at the taller girl. “Phew! They really make ya’ work for yer looks nowadays, don’t they?”

 

“Well, you look beautiful, Harley,” Harry told her with a smile. “You both do.”

 

Harley’s smile could light up the boulevard. “Ain’t it great bein’ with a guy that knows how ta treat a lady?” she asked Kara.

 

“I’ll say,” she answered with a smile at the bubbly blonde. After a moment, though, she seemed to realize she was being very casual with, as she called Harley, “a notorious criminal,” and so she shook her head and sidled away from the girl ever so slightly.

 

“Well, come on,” he told them, heading for the door. “Let’s find the rest of my family before they end up in a war with the Mob or something.”

 

However, upon opening the door, he came to learn that their room, as massive as it was, was simply one bedroom of an enormous and unbelievably lavish suite.

 

Or at least, it may have once been lavish. The entire thing was wrecked as thoroughly as the bedroom had been, if not more so, with kaleidoscopically colored walls, furniture that was either broken or defying gravity on the walls or ceiling, and numerous pairs of scorch marks blasted across practically every visible surface. On top of that, most of the kitchen seemed to have been turned into a winter wonderland, with thick layers of ice streaked across everything he could see.

 

That wasn’t even mentioning the numerous large craters littering the floors, walls, and even ceilings.

 

“Oh, _there’s_ my panties!” Harley exclaimed, pointing towards a flimsy scrap of pink cloth dangling from one of the craters in the ceiling. “Yer gonna have ta buy me some new ones,” she told Kara, for some reason.

 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked in confusion. “I didn’t–…,” Kara froze, staring out at the numerous craters in a very new light.

 

Her face would give tomatoes a run for their money.

 

“If anyone has any kryptonite on them, I would very much appreciate it right about now,” Kara informed them quietly.

 

“Wait, if your panties are out here, why were your clothes in the bedroom?” he asked Harley, confused.

 

“Well, gentleman that you are, you summoned ‘em after us when we moved our little siesta into the bedroom,” she explained. “You said we shouldn’t have ta walk around the whole place naked huntin’ for clothes in the morning. Made this one throw a fit.” She pointed her thumb at Kara over her shoulder. “I think that was her plan in the first place,” she confided to him in a stage whisper. “Same reason why ya’ had ta magic ‘em back together after she tore ‘em off us in the first place.”

 

“Seriously, even just a regular green rock would do at this point,” Kara continued. “I can make it work; I believe in myself.”

 

“Oh, I do have something,” he muttered to himself in realization, reaching into a silver-green leather pouch hanging from his belt that Kara hadn’t noticed before, somehow.

 

“Is it a magical poison or something? Cause I would chug that down in a heartbeat right now,” Kara said hopefully.

 

“Not quite,” he answered, producing a small, old-timey-looking bottle. “Anti-hangover potion!” he exclaimed happily. “And good thing, too. I am officially over this headache.” Popping the cork, he took a massive gulp, shuddering in revulsion at the taste. After a moment, his eyes flew open and, much to Kara’s alarm, puffs of smoke shot out of his ears and mouth. “Whoo! Man, that stuff has a kick to it.” He coughed, expelling more clouds of smoke.

 

“Are you okay?” Kara asked in concern.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he assured her, waving away the smoke. “Potions just tend to come with bizarre, if thankfully brief, side effects.”

 

“Like that Firewhiskey stuff,” Harley reminisced. “That stuff let the buzzkill here burp fire! It was wicked!”

 

“And I lost my memory of that? Such a shame,” Kara responded dryly. However, her expression changed a bit when Harry held out the potion vial to her.

 

“Trust me, it’s perfectly safe,” he assured her upon spotting her look of concern. “Unless you’d rather keep your hangover …”

 

“No … no, I’ll take it.” Gulping nervously, she slowly reached out and took the vial.

 

“Chug, chug, chug, chug,” Harley began chanting.

 

“Strangely enough, that seems to be stirring some memories,” Kara commented before squeezing her eyes shut and taking a quick gulp of the potion. Much like Harry, smoke soon billowed from her ears and mouth as she bent over hacking and coughing, which set Harley to cackling. “You know,” Kara said, smoke still trailing from her lips, “between the taste and the hangover, I’m honestly not sure which I’d prefer.”

 

“Well, let’s find out next time,” he replied with a grin, taking the half-full vial and offering it to Harley.

 

“Nah, I’m good,” she assured them with a wave of her hand.

 

“What, so scared of some medicine you’d rather keep your nasty hangover?” Kara teased.

 

“I don’t got a hangover,” she announced proudly, much to their surprise.

 

“But … how can you not?” Harry asked in utter confusion.

 

“Simple: I didn’t drink last night,” Harley answered.

 

It took both Harry and Kara a few minutes to process this. “Wait … you what?” Kara finally asked.

 

“Yup. Simply soda and juice fer this gal! Alcohol makes ya’ act crazy,” she proclaimed with a grin.

 

Kara’s jaw was in serious danger of falling off her face at this point. “Wait a minute … let me get this straight,” she started slowly. “Are you telling me … that all of this,” she waved at the utter desolation surrounding them, “plus _Rao knows_ what else we all did last night … was all while you were _sober_?!”

 

“I like ta have fun,” Harley answered with a shrug. “And a lot of it was yer doin’, really. Ya’ seemed pretty pent up.”

 

Kara stared at her before raising her tattooed and beringed left hand. “Alright, you know what? I’ve been in pretty serious denial about this for the last hour,” she admitted, “but we are MARRIED!” By the sound of her near shriek, she wasn’t in denial about this anymore. “The three of us! Bound together in very unholy matrimony!”

 

“Ah, it was a lovely ceremony,” Harley reminisced with a dreamy sigh. “I always wanted ta be married by the king.”

 

“We were married by a king?” a very confused Harry finally entered the conversation.

 

“Oh, not just _a_ king. _The_ King!” Harley proudly boasted. “Elvis himself!”

 

He didn’t quite know how to break this to her. “Um … I think there’s a chance he may have been an impersonator, Harl,” Harry regretfully informed her. “Seeing as Elvis is, you know, dead and all.”

 

Harley gasped in horror. “Bite your tongue, heathen!” she scolded him furiously.

 

Kara was apparently displeased as to the nature of their conversation. “You, a renowned criminal,” she accused Harley in a strangled voice, “married a total stranger,” she pointed at Harry, “and a _superhero_ ,” she pointed at herself, “… while SOBER?!”

 

Somehow, Harry’s instincts were telling him that Kara was somewhat distressed by the fact that Harley couldn’t claim intoxication as her reason for being a part of their little ménage à terror.

 

“Alright, Calming Draught time!” he announced to all parties involved, digging another small bottle out of his mokeskin pouch.

 

“No! I don’t want any potion!” Kara apparently didn’t care for his very reasonable suggestion. “I want answers! I want retribution!” And she was also apparently heading the way of Hermione that day she accidentally knocked over her cauldron in the middle of her Potions final and was informed by Snape that she had flunked the test. Harry decided a similar response was called for, too, and so he began twirling his wand over the potion in the vial.

 

“I want to destroy any evidence that any of this even happened! I want to tear this place down brick by freaking brick and salt the ground where it once stood!” the thoroughly snapped Kara continued ranting, still quoting Hermione practically word for word as a nervous Harley backed away slowly. Harry, meanwhile, simply stepped in front of the nearly insensate and now crimson-eyed Kara and flicked his wand, sending the newly transfigured cloud-form of potion puffing straight into her face and lungs.

 

Kara coughed a bit, and slowly, the burning red glow faded from her eyes and a gentle, dopey smile spread across her face.

 

“Feel better?” he asked her with a smile.

 

“Yeah, man, I’m _gooood_ ,” she slurred, swaying side to side ever so lightly. “Why was I even freaking out so much, man? Our little deal just means we got ourselves a little extra _looove_ to share, that’s all,” she continued, draping her arms around his neck and flopping against him. “Too much love never hurt nobody, now did it? That’d be like saying all the peace in the world is killin’ ya!” Kara giggled at her own words as she looked at them both with half-lidded eyes. “Hey, you got any snacks?”

 

“Can I get some o’ that stuff?” Harley asked hopefully.

 

“Maybe later, Harl,” he told her, draping an arm of the gently giggling Kara over his shoulders as he led the way in exploring the rest of their ginormous suite.

 

“Why is there a chicken in here?” he asked Harley after inexplicably stumbling over one of the fowl creatures.

 

“Where else would we keep it? Outside? It’d run away,” Harley answered.

 

“Right. Of course,” he responded. “Silly me.”

 

“Dude … look at my freaking _hand_!” Kara happily slurred, staring at her palm. “It’s freaking crazy! I can see all the tiny little atoms in my skin. Hello, little guys!” She giggled and started making faces at her hand. “I think I shall call this one Ferdinand. Harley, say hello to Ferdinand!”

 

Harley squawked as Kara unceremoniously shoved her hand in her face.

 

“Oh. I don’t think he likes you,” Kara lamented, pouting at her hand. “Hey, sofa pizza!” the inebriated girl exclaimed happily upon spotting an upturned pizza box on one of the few remaining floor-bound couches. “Score!”

 

Unfortunately, when Harry tried to enforce some standards on the girl and keep her away from it, she simply dragged him along with her as if he weighed nothing.

 

“Yeah, she’s _super_ strong,” Harley informed him as Kara started digging into the slightly linty pizza. “Ain’t nobody gonna be keepin’ that girl from her pizza.”

 

“Okay, so Kara can fly, is hella’ strong, needs magic booze to get drunk, has super vision—or might just be _completely_ stoned out of her gourd—and has issues with green rocks,” Harry listed off. “Now it all makes sense!” he finished sarcastically.

 

“She can also shoot lasers outta her eyes,” Harley informed him, gesturing to the nearly checkered walls.

 

“And see through stuff,” Kara added, smirking and running her eyes up and down his body while munching on more sofa pizza.

 

Before he could respond to her super ogling, though, they heard a faint groan from somewhere deeper in the apartment.

 

“Hra fhuk whuz zhat?” Kara asked through a mouthful of fuzzy pizza.

 

“Um … Harley?” Harry asked nervously.

 

“Yes, sweetie?” she asked.

 

“It was only the three of us who got married … right?”

 

“Um … I think so,” she answered as he hesitantly moved towards the source of the sound, Kara and Harley following close behind. As they came up to the door of the bathroom it seemed to have come from, however, they also began hearing the sound of constantly running water.

 

Ignoring the two trenches burned across the surface of the door, Harry turned the knob and opened the door.

 

“Oh, it’s just my cousin,” he announced in relief, stepping into the finely furnished bathroom, which struck an odd counterpart to the rest of the suite, given that it was still mostly intact. Of course, his unconscious, half-dressed cousin laying sprawled halfway inside the running shower kinda took something away from the elegance of the furnishings.

 

“Ah, Nymmy,” he said with a fond smile as he stepped over her tattered Weird Sisters shirt and one of her clunky boots. “Refined as ever, I see.”

 

His pink-haired cousin gave a slight cough from time to time as what at this point had to be just ice-cold water made it into her gaping, snoring maw, but she was clearly too out of it to be bothered. She simply lied there, jean-clad legs and half-booted feet flopped over the tile while her top half, clad only in a purple bra and wrapped in what looked like a torn shower curtain being used as a blanket, lied under the constant stream of freezing water. Although, Harry found himself rather curious about exactly where that shower curtain had come from, given that this shower used doors.

 

“Just like her to use up all the hot water, too,” he complained with a shake of his head.

 

“This is your cousin?” Kara asked, surprisingly coherently. “Wait, am I eating sofa pizza? Blegh!” She dropped the linty slice and started picking hairs off her tongue with a grossed-out look.

 

“Oh, good, you’re back. I was worried I’d be introducing my new wife to my family while she was still high as a kite, and while I’m sure Sirius would approve, I think you might have regretted that first impression later,” he said. “And yeah, this is my cousin, the ever-classy Nymphadora Tonks.”

 

The girl in question gave what looked like a sleepy but enraged flail of her arms upon hearing the-name-that-must-not-be-spoken, but she was still too out of it to wake up.

 

“I like the hair!” Harley complimented, eyeing her neon-pink locks. “And her name is adorable! I love it!”

 

“And I’m sure she’ll be so very glad to hear that, assuming we can wake her up,” he replied with a grin.

 

“How do we do that? She seems pretty far gone,” Kara commented.

 

“Well, normally, this would be where I’d douse her with freezing-cold water or something, but that seems a bit redundant at this point. Hmm.” Harry tapped his chin in thought. “Oh! Here we go”

 

He stepped forward and took a deep breath. “NYMPHADORA!” he shouted.

 

“HnghDontcallmenymphadora,” she mumbled, flailing her arms aggressively, but still unconsciously.

 

“Wow, she _is_ out of it! Normally, that’d get her up swinging!” he remarked. “Alright, it’s time for the big guns.” Rolling up his sleeves, he carefully drew his wand. “Uh, you might want to stand back,” he warned the girls. With a nervous glance at each other, they retreated to the far wall. “Okay … here goes nothing!” Taking another deep breath, he dramatically intoned, “ _Rictusempra_!”

 

A bolt of silver light struck her stomach, Nym’s eyes flew open, and she started laughing. Not just delicate giggles, either, but full-pelt, clutching her sides cackling.

 

Understandable, since he’d just hit her with a very powerful tickling charm.

 

“ _Harry!_ ” she squealed, glaring furiously at him through tears of laughter as she rolled around on the bathroom floor.

 

“Yeah, I bet that just feels great with your hangover, doesn’t it?” he asked smugly while she flopped and thrashed and kicked as she laughed.

 

“ _Turn_ … _it_ … _off!_ ” she begged between bouts of gasping laughter, looking decidedly green around the gills.

 

“Not until you say it!” he informed her, smirking widely and twirling his wand.

 

“ _Hate … you!_ ” she rasped in between cackles as she thrashed helplessly, still clutching her sides.

 

“ _Saaay iiiiit_ ,” he sang at her.

 

Glaring at him murderously through reddened, watery eyes, she finally caved. “ _Nym … pha … dora!_ ” she got out.

 

“That’s my girl,” he gloated, waving his wand and ending the enchantment.

 

“You … suck!” she informed him as she gasped for breath, random giggles still breaking free.

 

“Love you too, cuz,” he replied with a grin.

 

She glared at him. “Sleep … with one eye … open,” she warned him as she massaged her aching abs and tried to soothe her pounding headache.

 

“Like I do anything else with Sirius under the same roof,” he pointed out.

 

“… Touché,” she admitted before flopping back against the cool tile with a groan.

 

“Interesting tactic for waking someone up,” Kara commented as he reached in and shut off the shower at last.

 

“Gives me some ideas,” a grinning Harley said thoughtfully.

 

Raising her head, Nym looked at them in confusion. “Who’re the birds?” she asked him.

 

“Oh, where are my manners? Nym, this is Kara,” he pointed at Kara, who gave a little wave, “and Harley,” who gave a dramatic curtsy when he pointed at her.

 

“Um … did you, or did I?” Nym asked him as she spotted the wrinkled clothes indicating … “overnight guests,” as it were.

 

“I did,” he answered her.

 

“Aww. But good on you, cuz,” she complimented. “Wotcher,” she greeted the girls. “And whatever this lout told you, don’t listen; I will respond to Tonks and Tonks only without getting violent.”

 

“Oh, come on, _Nymphadora_ ,” he goaded her. “You know you lov–YOW!”

 

“Case in point,” she bragged as he hopped in place clutching his stinging buttock. She blew on the tip of her wand like it was a smoking gun.

 

“Where the hell were you even hiding that thing?” he asked her, rubbing his rapidly forming welt.

 

“Trade secret,” she replied as she held up a hand for him to help her up. Begrudgingly, he did so.

 

“Gah, bloody hell!” she complained, hunched over and clutching her soaking-wet head, the shower curtain draped across her shoulders like a poncho. “My head feels like a box of bludgers!” Clasping her mouth, she continued, “And my stomach feels like I ate some of Hagrid’s rock cakes.” A grin showed behind her hand. “Must have been some party.”

 

“I take it you don’t remember anything either?” he asked.

 

“Other than daring you to take all those shots before we headed out, you mean?” she chuckled, but cut off with a groan as she clutched her head. “Yeah, I don’t remember nothing.” She froze upon spotting his new tattoo peaking past his sleeve. “Did you get a tattoo?!” She sounded absolutely delighted at the prospect. “Oh, my little cousin is all grown up!” she teasingly cooed as she wrapped him in a stranglehold and tousled his hair. “First trip to Vegas, and you’ve already done something drunk and stupid that will stick with you for the rest of your life! I’ve never been so proud!”

 

“Yeah, hold onto that thought,” he muttered as he untangled himself from his soaking-wet and half-naked cousin.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked curiously.

 

Harry looked at the girls, and as one, they raised their left hands, showcasing the matching wedding bands.

 

Nym stared at them silently for several seconds. But when that silence was broken, the cackling she did put to shame anything she did earlier.

 

Pursing his lips, he stared at his cousin as she rolled on the ground guffawing. Drawing his wand, he fired a blast of water at her.

 

“Harry!” she yelled out as she choked. However, the moment he stopped, her eyes fell on their rings once more, and she started cackling all over again.

 

Sighing, he started shepherding Kara and Harley towards the door. “Come on. I think NYMPHADORA,” he said extra loud to make sure she’d hear it over her insane laughter, “could use a quiet minute to herself.”

 

“Ya’ sure she’s okay?” Harley asked, looking concerned as they stepped into the hallway.

 

“Oh yeah, she’s fine,” he assured her, closing the door all but a crack before sticking his wand back in the room and firing off another stream of ice-cold water at his cousin.

 

“Harry, you son of a bitch!” she shouted between cackles.

 

“See? Totally fine,” he repeated, closing the door.

 

“So that’s your cousin found,” Kara pointed out. “Who all do we still have to look for?”

 

“My nanny, Remus, and my mutt, Sirius,” he listed off.

 

“You brought yer dog ta Vegas?” Harley asked, her eyes gleaming. “That is awesome!”

 

“Can you even do that?” Kara asked.

 

“Oh yeah, it’s fine,” he assured her with a laugh. “He’s housebroken. Well, mostly, anyway.”

 

Behind them, the bathroom door clicked open, and Nym stepped out fully dressed, if still dripping and ragged looking. Well, staggered out would be more accurate, given that she was hobbling like an old woman. However, Kara did a double-take upon spotting lanky brown hair rather than her previous bubblegum-pink locks.

 

“Alright, hand it over, Har. I know you’re packing,” Nym groaned at him, her recent bout of laughter clearly not sitting well with her massive hangover.

 

“Why, whatever do you mean, dear cousin Nym?” he asked sweetly.

 

“You know what I’m talking about,” she said, glaring at him with red-rimmed eyes. “Hangover potion. Now.” She heaved slightly and grabbed her mouth. “Hurry.”

 

“Now, is that any way to ask for something, Nym?” he taunted. “Surely Aunt Andy taught you better than that.”

 

“Oh, you are just loving this, aren’t you?” she asked, groaning and clutching her stomach.

 

“You have no idea,” he answered with a shameless smile, looking like that cat that caught the canary.

 

“Ah, come on. I’m dyin’ here, man!” she whined, her hair turning a sickly green to reflect her current state, something both Kara and Harley especially seemed to find fascinating.

 

“You know, I really would,” he answered slowly and with a shit-eating grin, “but wouldn’t it be selfish of me to reward you for your lack of preparedness? I think our dear friend Mr. Moody in particular would rather disapprove of you coming somewhere like Vegas and not thinking ahead enough to pack a few hangover cures, and I _know_ he would advocate you learning your lesson the hard way.”

 

She glared at him before stepping closer. “One. Eye. _Open_ ,” she hissed with her nose brushing his before turning and hobbling towards the door.

 

“It’s for your own good, Nym!” he called after her with a laugh. “You’ll thank me for this someday!”

 

Given the rude gesture she threw him over her shoulder, that day was not today.

 

“Spare the rod, huh?” Kara asked him with a giggle.

 

“I know, right? Kids these days,” he replied with a smile.

 

“Didn’t I tell you he was fun?” Harley asked Kara, beaming widely.

 

“Clearly, you were right,” Kara remarked as he hurried after his nearly convalescent cousin.

 

“Where are you going?” he asked Nym.

 

“To get supplies,” she answered. “Since someone is a huge jerk who won’t share his stuff,” she added in a mumble that she knew he’d hear.

 

“It is for the greater good, my dear,” he responded in a pretty spot-on Dumbledore impression.

 

She glared at him before giving him a sickly sweet smile. “Oh, and I need to find Sirius and Remus, too, because I just can’t _wait_ to see the looks on their faces when they find out about your little … _situation_.” She glanced at his ring and started giggling.

 

“You don’t know the half of it,” he muttered, clutching his left forearm. “Any idea where they are?”

 

She shrugged. “I was just going to sniff out the deepest, most shameless pit of depravity and indulgence I could find and see if I couldn’t hear the dulcet tones of Remus complaining it was indecent while Sirius whined that it was too tame.”

 

“That … actually sounds like a pretty good plan,” he commented. “I was just going to stand outside and whistle.”

 

“That’s okay. It was a good effort,” she said about as patronizingly as humanly possible, helped by her patting him on the head like a child.

 

“So, do we have a plan?” Kara asked as she and Harley caught up with them.

 

“More or less,” Nym agreed. “And Merlin’s wrinkled arse, why is this place so bleedin’ huge?!” she exclaimed, as they still hadn’t reached the door. “How in bloody hell did you lot get your hands on this place?”

 

“Winning,” Harley answered for them pretty succinctly.

 

“Ugh. Finally!” Nym declared as they finally reached the door. “Wait, hang on. Has anyone seen my jacket?” A series of shrugs answered her, so she hobbled over and checked what looked like a coat closet near the door.

 

What she found was a small room filled to bursting with black duffle bags absolutely swimming in casino chips of all sizes and colors, and with bundles of thousand-dollar bills sprinkled over it all like pepper. And given that a few of the duffle bags had literally burst at the seams and were practically oozing more stacks of cash, it was safe to assume that the others probably weren’t holding bags of gummy bears.

 

“Sweet Rao,” Kara breathed.

 

“It’s so beautiful,” Harley praised in an awe-filled voice.

 

“You ended up taking that luck potion, didn’t you?” Nym asked in a small voice.

 

“I did indeed,” he replied, still staring at the veritable fortune he didn’t remember winning.

 

Nym gently closed the door. “On second thought, I don’t need my jacket after all,” she declared, turning and heading out the door without another word. Harry and Kara followed after, though they had to come back when they realized Harley hadn’t followed them out.

 

“Wheeeee!” Harley happily squealed as she rolled around in the money, throwing bills and chips into the air to fall down on her like rain.

 

“Harley, dear? It’s time to come out of the closet,” Kara said gently as she knocked on the doorframe.

 

“Never!” Harley insisted, making money angels.

 

“It’s okay, Harl,” Harry assured her. “You can come out of the closet. We’re here for you.”

 

“I don’t want to. I’m never coming out!” she declared, burying herself in stacks of sweet green paper.

 

“You can’t just stay in the closet forever, Harl. Now come on. It’s time to come out,” Kara insisted.

 

“No!” Harley yelled.

 

Kara groaned and looked at Harry. Shrugging, he held up his fist, and with a relenting sigh, Kara did the same, and they engaged in a quick game of rock-paper-scissors.

 

“Damn it,” Kara complained after her scissors were beaten by Harry’s rock.

 

“Try not to tear any of the cash,” he told her with a smile.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” she reluctantly agreed as she waded in after Harley.

 

“No! You can’t make me come out!” Harley cried as she squirmed in Kara’s steel grip.

 

“It’s for your own good, Harl,” Kara told her as Harry helped unhooked Harley’s feet from around the doorframe.

 

“ _Nooooo!_ ” Harley cried out in a keening wail as they frog-marched her out of the apartment.

 

They met up with Nym on the casino floor, a heavily pouting Harley still held between them.

 

“Problems?” Nym asked with a raised eyebrow and what by now was a literally sickly green complexion.

 

“Nothing an intervention couldn’t solve,” he told her, deftly avoiding Harley’s attempt to kick his shin. “What are you waiting around here for?”

 

In answer, a waiter arrived bearing a pitcher of Bloody Marys.

 

“Ah. Your supplies, then,” Harry interpreted with a roll of his eyes.

 

“My salvation,” the still extremely hungover Nym croaked in correction, snatching the pitcher off the platter, “for I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God.” Raising the pitcher overhead, she bowed her head in prayer. “Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.” Without further ado, she tilted her head back and began chugging straight from the pitcher.

 

All of them, including the waiter, stared in amazement as she quickly polished off the entire pitcher, slamming it back on the platter with a resounding belch. “And you said I didn’t come prepared,” she mocked Harry. “I’ve got my own hangover cure right here.” Burping again, she turned to the waiter. “How much?”

 

“Oh, it’s on the house, of course,” he insisted, glancing at Harry, for some reason.

 

“Oh! Well … alright, then,” Nym responded uncertainly.

 

“And anything for you, sir?” the waiter asked Harry.

 

“Um … I’m good, thanks,” he replied, having no idea why he’d been singled out like that.

 

“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything, boss,” the waiter told him before leaving.

 

“Uh …,” Harry eloquently responded. Before he could get any farther than that, though, their increasingly confused group was interrupted by another casino worker.

 

“Good morning, sir,” he greeted Harry, again inexplicably. “Would you like me to have the valet bring your bike around?”

 

Harry blinked at the man. “… I’m good, actually.”

 

“As you say, sir. Enjoy your morning.” The worker walked away.

 

“Okay, what the hel–”

 

“Good morning, boss.” Again, Harry was interrupted, this time by an extremely well-dressed worker at the casino, which he assumed meant he was a manager of sorts. “Would you like me to go over our earnings from yesterday and important business for today?”

 

Harry stared at him. “Um, you know what? I’m actually a bit busy this morning. Can I get back to you on that?”

 

“Oh, of course, sir. It’s no trouble at all. Enjoy your morning,” the man told him.

 

“… You, too,” he told the man’s back. Clearing his throat, he spoke up again. “Harley?”

 

“Yes, sweetie?”

 

“Why are these people all calling me ‘sir’ and ‘boss’?” he asked without turning around.

 

“Hmm … oh, right! You won the casino last night!” she remembered. “Sorry, I totally spaced on that.”

 

Kara gave a strangled laugh while Nym began muttering about needing another pitcher.

 

“And how in the bloody hell did I do that?” he asked her in amazement.

 

“Well, the boss man wasn’t too happy about you winnin’ all that money, but when you two gots ta talkin’, somehow, you all ended up in some crazy high-stakes poker game. One thing led to another …”

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he muttered in exasperation, pinching the bridge of his nose. After a moment, though, a look of alarm flashed across his face, and he started rushing towards the exit.

 

“Harry? What’s going on?” Nym asked as they all hurried after him.

 

“Just think, Nym; if I did all this, then what exactly did Sirius do, and how much worse is it going to be?”

 

His cousin’s skin turned chalk white at the thought, and soon, she was full-pelt running for the door.

 

“Well, at least he’s not boring,” Kara commented to Harley as they followed.

 

“You ain’t kiddin’! And this is friggin’ tame compared to last night,” Harley pointed out.

 

“Disturbing thought,” Kara said.

 

As they burst outside, Nym grabbed a nearby valet by the collar. “Quick! Where can I find a bunch of morally bankrupt idiots doing a ton of stupid stuff while plastered out of their minds?!”

 

“Um … this little place called ‘Everywhere Around You’?” he answered nervously.

 

“Gah! This is never going to work!” Nym cried, shoving the poor attendant aside.

 

“That’s okay. It was a good effort,” he teased her with a pat on the head. “But now it’s my turn.” He looked over his shoulder. “You might want to plug your ears,” he told Harley and Kara.

 

“Wait, what was your plan, again?” Nym asked. “All I remember was thinking it was stupid.”

 

Rather than answer her, Harry simply whistled. Not just any whistle, though. This whistle was loud and shrill and long, and the longer he held it, the higher it got, until it finally moved past the human range of hearing … and right into perfect dog-whistle territory.

 

He had had a lot of practice at this.

 

He was rather surprised to hear Kara groaning in pain from the whistle, but he did hear what he expected. Namely, a chorus of dog barks starting up all over the city.

 

“And what is that supposed to accomplish?” Nym demanded.

 

Again, no answer was necessary, because one nearby dog howl changed to that of a man partway through, followed by a faint, “ _Take that whistle and shove it up your ass!_ ”

 

“Yahtzee!” He started heading off in the direction of that yell.

 

“I hate that that worked,” Nym groused.

 

“It sounded like it came from that alley over there,” Kara pointed out, rubbing her ears. “At least, I think it did. It’s kinda hard to tell, with this ringing in my ears.”

 

“What, do you have super-hearing too, or something?” he asked.

 

“Yes,” she said simply.

 

He stopped and stared at her. “Is there anything you _can’t_ do?”

 

She gave it some thought. “I can’t cook,” she finally said.

 

“Hey, me neithah!” Harley chimed in. “Wow, we’re practically twins!”

 

Before Kara could respond to this clearly undeniable claim, they reached the alley they had heard the man’s voice from. Unfortunately, they didn’t see anyone. But Harry had an answer to that.

 

He gave another shrill whistle, and once more was greeted with the sound of a man’s pained howling, this time from somewhere underneath a bunch of trashbags piled in front of a dumpster.

 

Those bags tipped over, releasing a pair of dogs that ran away yelping. More importantly, though, it revealed the bedraggled appearance of one Sirius Orion Black, who was currently clenching his eyes shut and grabbing his head like he was trying to keep his brain from escaping.

 

Or exploding.

 

“Whoever is on that whistle,” he growled, “I’m going to kick your ass.”

 

“It’s me, Sirius,” Harry announced.

 

Sirius cracked one bloodshot eye to look at him. “In that case, I’m going to kick it twice. Brat. God, you _know_ how much I hate that!”

 

“So that’s Sirius,” he introduced to the girls.

 

“Wait, I thought you said Sirius was your dog?” Kara asked.

 

“He may as well be,” he replied. “Look at him, all mangy and covered in fleas and everything.”

 

“It’d be simpler to just say that I’m awesome,” Sirius informed him, flopping over the trash bags in a remarkably failed attempt to climb to his feet.

 

“He’s his godfather,” Nym informed the girls. “I’d say he raised Harry, but it might be more accurate to say that Harry raised him. With the generous help of me, my parents, and Remus, of course.”

 

“I see,” Kara replied.

 

“He’s funny,” Harley giggled as Sirius tried to use the wall to stagger to his feet, only to slide back to the ground once again.

 

“Well, _he_ certainly thinks so,” Nym said. “But don’t tell him; it’d go to his head.”

 

Apparently giving up standing as a pipe dream for the moment, Sirius instead pulled out a tiny vial from his pocket, uncorked it, and kicked back the contents. After a brief and violent shudder, smoke poured from his ears and mouth.

 

Nym flipped Harry off before he could even say anything.

 

“Merlin, I love this town,” Sirius said, climbing to his feet at last. “Man! What a night.”

 

“You remember any of it?” Harry asked.

 

“Bits and pieces, mostly. Enough to know it _rocked_!” Sirius answered with his trademark dog-like grin. “I think some of it might have been a dream, though.” He looked down at his chest to find himself wearing a tuxedo-T-shirt, which he had most certainly not been wearing when they headed out. “At least, I think it was a dream,” he amended uncertainly.

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Harry responded cryptically.

 

As Sirius looked at him questioningly, though, he noticed the girls for the first time.

 

“Well, well! Who do we have here?” Sirius asked brightly.

 

“Sirius, this is Kara and Harley,” he introduced. “Kara, Harley, this is my godfather, Sirius.”

 

“Hiya!” Harley greeted chipperly.

 

“Enchanté,” Sirius said with a grin. “Now tell me, why would two beautiful girls such as yourselves be hanging around my ragamuffin of a godson?”

 

“Alcohol, low standards, and very poor decision making?” Kara suggested.

 

“Hey!” Harry and Harley complained in stereo.

 

Sirius snickered. “Harry, don’t let this one go.”

 

“Oh, I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Nym commented with a smug grin.

 

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.

 

Harry glared at his cousin, who simply smiled at him sweetly. “Well, I was planning to build up to this a bit more, but I guess we’re just telling you now.”

 

“Telling me what?” Sirius asked, confused.

 

As one, Harry, Harley, and Kara raised their left hands.

 

Sirius stared at them in stunned silence, clearly counting and recounting the number of people showing rings, with his jaw dropping lower and lower each time he did.

 

Without a word, he raised his hand for a high-five.

 

“Really?” Harry asked dryly.

 

“I officially request the highest of fives,” Sirius said formally, still with his hand in the air.

 

“They’re standing _right here_ ,” he informed his godfather, much to Kara and Harley’s amusement, and Nym’s exasperation.

 

“I, Sirius, Lord of House Black, formally insist upon a mutual hand slap between myself and Lord Harry of House Potter, heir apparent of House Black, lord of the Houses of Slytherin and Gryffindor, Defeater of Lord Moldyshorts, and by far the smoothest bastard this world has ever seen,” his ridiculous godfather pronounced, his hand not wavering.

 

“Just do it,” Kara laughed over Harley’s giggling and the sound of Nym’s palm smacking into her face.

 

Sighing, Harry gave him the high-five.

 

“Oh, your father would be so proud,” Sirius weepily attested, still grinning like an idiot.

 

“A feeling I somehow doubt my mother would share,” Harry commented.

 

“Meh, you’re probably right,” Sirius admitted before stepping over to Kara and Harley and throwing his arms around their shoulders. “As for you two, ooooh, do I have some stories for you!”

 

“Yeah, there will be none of that,” Harry decided, drawing his wand and pointing it at Sirius.

 

“Oh, shi–!” was all Sirius got out before he was suddenly forcibly transformed into a large, shaggy black dog, causing Kara to yelp in astonishment and Harley to gasp in delight.

 

The dog shook his head and growled at Harry.

 

“Oh, bring it on, Padfoot,” he challenged. “I’ll drag you to the vet for a little … _operation_.”

 

Yelping, the giant hound baked away cautiously.

 

“You … turned him into a dog,” Kara processed.

 

“An _adorable_ dog!” Harley declared, causing the giant mutt to start wagging his tail happily.

 

Kara shook her head to clear it. “You turned your godfather … into a dog.”

 

“He’s fine; he does this all the time,” Nym assured her. “Just watch.”

 

Kara didn’t need to ask what she meant, because before their eyes, that giant black dog transformed back into Sirius.

 

“Gah! I _hate it_ when you transfigure me into Padfoot!” Sirius complained to Harry. “Nothing feels right, afterwards. It’s like I’m wearing a coat on backwards.”

 

“Well, then I hope we’ve all learned our lesson about story-telling,” Harry cautioned the man.

 

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Sensitive,” Sirius grumbled in a pout, straightening his clothes and rubbing his neck.

 

“Sirius is what’s known in our world as an animagus,” Nym explained to the confused-looking Kara. “Those are witches or wizards who have learned to transform themselves into an animal. In Sirius’ case, an overgrown poodle.”

 

“Ah,” Kara said in understanding. “So that’s why you called him your mutt,” she said to Harry in amusement.

 

“Yep! He’s my dogfather,” he said happily.

 

“And is this anything like how you can change the color of your hair, Tonks?” Kara asked.

 

“Oh, so you noticed!” Nym happily remarked.

 

“You’re not exactly subtle with it, Nym,” Harry pointed out.

 

Nym simply clapped a hand over his mouth and kept talking. “Actually, what I can do is totally different. I’m what’s called a metamorphmagus. It’s an ability some people are born with that lets them change their appearance.” To demonstrate, she shifted her hair through a rainbow of colors, with Harley “ooooh”-ing at her all the while. As the pièce de résistance, though, she transformed her features into those of a dour, oily looking man with a hooked nose, greasy-black hair, and what seemed like a permanent scowl.

 

“Freaky,” Kara whispered.

 

“Ugh, you have no idea,” Harry groused, to which Cousin Snonks glowered.

 

“Potter! So like your father! Five hundred thousand points from Slytherin for breathing too loudly!” he/she declared in a flawless Snape impression.

 

“So that’s what growing up with her has been like,” he commented to the highly amused Harley and Kara. “Seriously, you have no idea how many times she’s almost gotten hexed doing crap like that.”

 

“Insolent child!” Snapadora growled. “Detention for thirty years!”

 

“So what about your ‘nanny’, Remus?” Kara asked, apparently trying to be responsible and get them back on track.

 

Sirius barked a laugh. “Well, if that isn’t the most accurate description of old Moony I’ve ever heard,” he commented in delight.

 

“He’s my adoptive uncle,” Harry admitted to Kara and Harley. “He’s kind of a worrywart, and a total killjoy.”

 

“Blegh. To put it mildly,” Sirius complained. “Mr. Maturity, he is. ‘Sirius, no playing Quidditch with baby Harry as the quaffle!’ ‘Sirius, no running a betting ring on wrestling matches between little Harry and Kreacher!’ ‘Sirius, no encouraging Harry to set Dumbledore’s beard on fire!’ Gah, he just sucks the fun right outta life!”

 

“Exactly! And Merlin help you if you sneak your favorite cousin a pint when he gets his first Hogwarts letter. Geez, you’d think I was poisoning him, the way he was going on!” Nym complained, finally reverting back to her own pink-haired features.

 

“I know! Ugh, it’s sickening!” Harry agreed emphatically.

 

Kara stared at the three in astonishment, while Harley looked on in pure delight.

 

“So, getting back on topic, where is old Professor No-Fun?” Nym asked.

 

“Probably off scolding some poor, innocent degenerate,” Sirius muttered.

 

“Hmm. While accurate, that doesn’t really narrow things down around here,” Harry remarked.

 

“Do you guys not have cell phones?” Kara asked.

 

“Shell what?” Harry asked confused.

 

Kara stared at him speechlessly.

 

“Wait, you mean fellytones? Yeah, I’ve heard of those,” Sirius said. “They let muggles talk to each other from really far away,” he explained to Harry.

 

“Oh, yeah. That’s some of that stuff that runs on ekleticity, right?” Nym asked Sirius, to which he nodded.

 

Kara didn’t know how to respond to this. “I … you … I have no words.”

 

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t suppose you thought to place a tracking charm on Moony before we headed out?” Sirius asked Harry.

 

“No,” he answered in disappointment. “I didn’t exactly expect we’d be tracking down _Remus_ , of all people.”

 

“Hmm. What if we sent a _patronus_ message? Those things can find anyone!” Sirius suggested next.

 

“Yeah, and our plan for explaining the glowing, talking animal ghost to all the muggles around him would be?” Nym pointed out. “I mean, the colonies may not be covered by British magical law, or even have an official magical government, but still, bad idea.”

 

“Fair point,” Sirius admitted.

 

“Hey, guys?” Harley interrupted. “Why don’t we just use Harry’s casino ta find ‘im?”

 

Sirius blinked. “You have a casino?” he asked Harry in astonishment.

 

“It’s a long story,” Harry told him.

 

“He won it in a card game,” Kara explained.

 

“… Although, it apparently summarizes really well,” Harry admitted. “But how would that help, Harl?”

 

“Well, he was with us in the casino for a while last night after the weddin’, so they might know somethin’ about where he went. Not ta mention there’re cameras everywhere, so they might be able ta help track ‘im down that way, too. Plus, those big-wig casino manager types tend ta know stuff that’s happenin’ in their town, so they might’a heard somethin’,” Harley explained.

 

Kara seemed impressed at the explanation, and surprised that something like that came from Harley Quinn.

 

Harry, of course, had only one question.

 

“What the hell are cameras?”

 

Harley was apparently not prepared for this question, if her expression was anything to go by.

 

“I think it’s some kinda food,” Sirius suggested. “Sounds delicious, too. We should totally get some after we track down Moony!”

 

“What? No, they’re …,” Harley attempted to explain. “They’re, like, these little things that do stuff and let ya’ see things!”

 

This explanation was not particularly helpful.

 

“They’re like _electronic_ eyes that let you watch stuff that’s happening from somewhere else, and they can record what they see so you can watch it later,” Kara informed them, sounding somewhat like she was explaining the wheel to a bunch of cavemen.

 

“Friggin’ muggles, man,” Nym remarked in wonder.

 

“What _will_ they think of next!” Sirius exclaimed.

 

“How do you not know this?!” Kara finally exclaimed.

 

“They don’t have these things where we come from,” Harry defended. “It’s mostly just castles and broomsticks and parchment for us. Where you guys have technology, we just use magic, and for everything else, we have owls.”

 

“Owls?” Harley asked, confused.

 

“Yeah, we send letters and packages and stuff by owl,” Sirius replied. “Why? How do you do it?”

 

Harley turned to Kara. “They are insane,” she declared.

 

“I still have no words,” Kara responded.

 

True to her comment, Kara turned and started leading the way back to the casino with Harley without saying another word.

 

As Harry, Sirius, and Nym trailed after, they turned to each other and began snickering.

 

“I can’t believe they’re falling for the old ‘clueless wizard’ routine!” Sirius giggled behind Harry’s hastily cast _muffliato_ sound barrier.

 

“I know!” Nym snickered. “I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when I’m amazed by pens!”

 

A giggling Harry hastily shushed them as he let down the barrier and caught up with the girls.

 

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask,” he said to Kara with a desperately straight face, “but what’s the deal with all these horseless metal carriages?”

 

Kara was too horrified at the question to notice Sirius and Nym practically falling over themselves laughing silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, my original draft of this chapter and story didn't have Harley Quinn anywhere in it, but then I asked myself, “Just who are you kidding?” So here she is! Also, in case it matters, the Harley I'm picturing and working from is closer to the Arleen Sorkin "Batman: The Animated Series" version of the character than the "Arkham" or "Suicide Squad" versions. Beyond that, the Harry Potter in this story is coming from a very different upbringing and personal history compared to canon (e.g. raised by Sirius and sorted into Slytherin, much to a certain dogfather's horror), even if a number of the canonical HP major events still occurred. The exact details of these differences will be revealed throughout the story. At this moment, however, Voldemort has been defeated … again.
> 
> Furthermore, the roster of the Young Justice team will not be completely identical to that of the show, as already evidenced by the presence of Supergirl and Harley.
> 
> I'll also be writing this more off the cuff than my other stories, which should be an interesting exercise. I have the first few chapters outlined, but beyond that, who knows where things will go! Should be fun, though :)
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, and stay tuned for the next chapter, featuring Remus-wrangling, explanations, and confrontations with some heroes!


	2. The tale of Lord Slutemort

“I’ll be damned. They really could track him down,” Harry remarked in surprise after one the casino managers—apparently his new employee—made a few calls and reported that a man by the name of Remus J. Lupin had been found … and in a highly amusing location, too.

  


“Told ya’ they could!” Harley said proudly.

  


“Harley, you’re a genius!” he praised, kissing her on the cheek.

  


However, the beaming girl apparently deemed this less than sufficient. The only warning he had was the smoldering look in her eyes before she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back, kissing him about as thoroughly and as enthusiastically as he had ever been kissed.

  


When she finally pulled free, he was left staring off into space, completely stunned.

  


“Much better!” she declared, patting him on the cheek and leading the way back out of the casino with a marked sway in her step.

  


Everyone there stared after the girl in dead silence, making it extremely audible when an apparently sulky Kara quietly muttered, “ _I_ helped him find Sirius.”

  


Kara’s flame-red blush when they all turned and looked at her said that she definitely did not mean to say that out loud.

  


“Shouldn’t we be going? I think we should be going! … I’m going!” Kara hastily stammered before darting off after Harley.

  


Those remaining all looked at the still dazed and speechless Harry, Sirius with a smirking, snickering look on his face, Nym with one of amusement, and the manager with one of sheer confusion.

  


Without another word, Harry, Nym, and Sirius started following after the girls, while the manager shook his head and got back to work.

  


As Harry looked at the now skipping Harley and the clearly-kicking-herself Kara, though, a fond smile spread across his face.

  


* * *

  


“You know, I’m not exactly surprised that one of us ended up here,” Harry admitted, “but _Moony_?”

  


“Actually, I’m not surprised by that at all,” Sirius said. “You’ve only seen the straight-laced, tucks-his-shirt-in, goody-two-shoes Moony. You didn’t know him back in school. In those days, two shots of Firewhiskey was enough to turn him into the wildest party animal you’ve ever seen. Which is probably why he’s so careful not to drink anymore.” Sirius’ grin took on a decidedly evil glint. “And which is _exactly_ why I made sure to spike his Butterbeer before we headed out.”

  


“Of course you did,” Nym commented in exasperation, staring up at the sign over the entrance.

  


_Las Vegas Detention Center_

  


“You realize he’s going to kick your arse for this, right?” Nym pointed out to Sirius.

  


“Eh, totally worth it,” Sirius replied in an utterly unrepentant grin.

  


“You have … quite the interesting family, Harry,” Kara observed. However, the amused look on her face said this was far from a criticism.

  


“You think this is something? You should see them when they _really_ get going,” Harry told her.

  


“Guess we’re gonna have ta plan some visits with the ol’ in-laws, then!” Harley decided.

  


“Um … yeah,” Kara hesitantly agreed, not quite sure how to break it to Harley that they’d probably be getting an annulment before all was said and done today.

  


In the meantime, though, they had a family member to spring from jail.

  


… legally, she hoped.

  


“Feels weird ta be walkin’ in here with my hands free,” Harley commented as they stepped inside and Harry started speaking to the officer at the front desk.

  


“Please don’t remind me, Harley. I’m having a hard enough time with the fact that I’m just hanging out with–,” Kara paused and looked around furtively, “– _with Harley Quinn!_ ” she finished in a whisper.

  


“Didn’t stop ya’ last night,” Harley pointed out with a frown. “You said ya’ liked that I was a ‘bad girl’,” she reminded her, wiggling her eyebrows.

  


“… You know, I’m starting to think alcohol had nothing to do with my memory loss,” Kara mused as she watched Harry hand the desk officer enough cash to pay off an astonishingly high bail. “I think I probably just repressed it all out of shame.”

  


Harley sighed. “All my hard work gettin’ ya’ ta loosen up, right down the drain,” she pouted.

  


Just then, however, another officer arrived leading a wan, shaky-looking homeless man with matted brown hair and wearing the sad, tattered remnants of what might have once been a suit.

  


If you squinted.

  


“Wow, Remus. You look almost like your monthly little problem had an unexpected flare-up last night,” Sirius snickered at the apparently-not-homeless man.

  


The man simply glared at Sirius with bloodshot eyes as the officer undid his handcuffs.

  


“Remember, you have a court date on the 18th,” the officer reminded Remus.

  


The now unshackled werewolf simply continued glaring at Sirius.

  


“Maybe you should have paid extra to have them leave the cuffs on,” Sirius whispered to Harry.

  


Remus stared silently at Sirius, making the man increasingly and visibly nervous. Then, without a word, Remus turned and headed outside.

  


In various degrees of eager anticipation or growing dread, the eclectic family followed suit.

  


Once outside, Sirius looked like he was going to say something, but Remus cut him off with a raised finger. Turning to Harry, he held out his hand expectantly.

  


“Am I seriously the only one who bothered to prepare for our trip?” Harry demanded as he rummaged in his pouch for another hangover cure.

  


“Ahem!” Sirius interrupted indignantly, gesturing at himself.

  


“Oh, you so don’t count. I’m the one that gave you that bottle in the first place,” Harry countered.

  


“I wasn’t exactly expecting to be drunk,” Remus croaked in defense, glaring once again at Sirius as Harry tossed him a bottle.

  


Kicking back the contents, and like the others, expelling smoke from his mouth and ears, Remus’ skin tone recovered and his eyes cleared.

  


This did not, in fact, lessen the impact of his glare, as Sirius discovered.

  


“Now, Remus, let’s not be hasty,” Sirius said, nervously backing away from the steadily approaching werewolf. “Come on, let’s use our words like civilized folks, buddy.”

  


“Don’t listen to him, Remus! Kick his butt!” Harry happily egged him on.

  


“Harry, you traitor!” Sirius yelped, still backing away from Remus.

  


“Three shots,” Remus finally said.

  


“Three … wait, what?” Sirius asked in utter confusion.

  


“Three shots,” Remus repeated, still glaring murderously at Sirius. “That’s what you gave me, isn’t it? I remember seeing the shot glasses.”

  


“… Yes,” Sirius hesitantly admitted.

  


“Then it seems only fair that I get to give you three shots of my own,” Remus continued, his glare darkening. “Any. Where. I. Like.”

  


“It does seem fair,” Nym commented, grinning in a remarkably unsubtle display of schadenfreude.

  


“Oh, without a doubt,” Harry agreed wholeheartedly, his grin matching hers perfectly.

  


“Or I could just kick your arse wholesale right now,” Remus suggested as Sirius hesitated.

  


“Oh, for– … fine! Three free shots,” Sirius finally relented. “Just not in the face!” he quickly amended, covering his head with his arms. “That’s the moneymaker for me!”

  


“You mean you’re broke? Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry asked him with a laugh.

  


“Hilarious, kid,” Sirius muttered, though whatever else he was about to say was cut off with a gulp as Remus stepped forward.

  


They all waited with bated breath to see where Remus would land the first punch. Sirius, meanwhile, kept his eyes clenched shut and his arms wrapped around his head, completely determined to take the hits stoically.

  


Making it somewhat hilarious when Remus clapped him on the shoulder and Sirius nearly jumped three feet in the air with a high-pitched “Eeep!”

  


“Oh, relax, Padfoot,” Moony told him with a smile. “I’m not going to hit you.”

  


“You’re … not?” Sirius asked, giving voice to everyone’s confusion at that moment.

  


“Of course not, Siri!” Remus laughed. “At least, not right now.” At Sirius’ confused and somewhat alarmed look, Remus decided to elaborate. “After all, we never said that the shots had to be taken right now. In fact, we never even said that the shots had to be punches … or that they couldn’t be spells.” Sirius look of horror was perfectly complimented by Remus’ own low, evil laugh. “Oh, I think I’m going to have some fun thinking up the perfect revenge … three times over … all while you spend every waking minute wondering if it’ll be coming tomorrow … or the next day … or even ten years from now.”

  


“I thought you said he was the mature and responsible one?” Kara asked Harry as Remus belted out another triumphant, villainous laugh.

  


“He is,” Harry said. “You now, _comparatively_.”

  


“I’m likin’ yer family more n’ more,” Harley informed him with a smile.

  


“Okay, seriously, how much alcohol did you pump into me last night?” Remus asked Sirius as he rubbed his temple. “I can’t remember anything that happened after we headed out.”

  


“Hey, don’t blame me for that. All I gave you was that one Butterbeer with a few shots’ worth of extra fun added to it,” Sirius defended. “Everything after that was all on you.”

  


“Oh, well, that’s _much_ better,” Remus dryly amended.

  


“Don’t worry, Uncle Remus,” Nym told him. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t remember what you did last night. We have a notarized list right here!”

  


“Oh, Merlin,” Remus swore upon spotting the list of charges Nym snagged from the police station.

  


“Ooh, ooh, I want to read it!” Sirius insisted, snatching the list like the hyperactive child he was. Only two seconds into reading it, though, and he was cracking up. “Oh, I am so sorry that I don’t remember this!”

  


“Do I even want to know?” Remus asked tiredly.

  


“Streaking down the main boulevard,” Sirius began listing off, “somehow turning traffic lights purple, to much chaos and confusion; peeing on a fire hydrant …” Sirius paused to peer at the list more closely. “Sorry, fire _hydrants,_ plural.”

  


“Oh, God,” Remus groaned.

  


“ _Several_ cases of mooning,” Sirius continued with relish. “Nice one on that, _Moony_ ,” he complimented. “Stealing a woman’s Chihuahua and insisting it was your ‘Beloved’.” Sirius snickered. “I think that might be my personal favorite,” he commented happily before continuing on. “Snatching off a man’s toupee … with your teeth.”

  


Remus paused in picking hairs off his tongue upon hearing that particular entry.

  


“ _Several_ cases of you biting people on their arses,” Sirius continued with a laugh. “And one case of you bursting into a restaurant kitchen and mauling a poor, defenseless side of raw beef.”

  


As Remus clutched his stomach with a disgusted look on his face, Sirius turned to the next page.

  


“Page two!” he began.

  


“Give me that!” Remus yelled, snatching the list away from a giggling Sirius.

  


“So, just to clarify,” Kara said to Harry, “ _this_ is the man you referred to as a goody-two-shoes? Meaning _this_ is your standard for mature, responsible behavior?”

  


“Well … yeah,” Harry replied simply. “Why? What’s yours like?”

  


Images of her infuriatingly perfect cousin Kal flashed through Kara’s head. “Just a tad bit different,” she answered.

  


“You know, yer uncle kinda reminds me o’ my Nana, now,” Harley remarked.

  


“That actually explains a lot,” Kara commented.

  


Nana Remus, meanwhile, after rifling through _several_ more pages after the first one, had slowly lowered the list of crimes to reveal bloodthirsty eyes staring straight at Sirius, who was now looking more nervous than ever, especially upon hearing the growl that started to ripple its way out of the werewolf’s throat.

  


Fortunately, Sirius had one ace up his sleeve to distract him.

  


“Harry got married last night!” he blurted out in an inspiring display of loyalty and self-sacrifice.

  


“He _what_?!” Remus yelped, taking the bait as he whirled around to look at Harry, and the two blondes he now noticed standing next to him.

  


“Yeah! _Twice!_ ” a relieved Sirius happily piled on.

  


Harry sighed. “Thank you, Sirius. Thank you _so_ much.”

  


“Well, technically, it wasn’t two weddin’s,” Harley corrected. “It was one three-way weddin’. But you should know. You were the best man!”

  


Remus blinked. “I … was the best man … to a three-way wedding?”

  


“Yep!” Harley replied.

  


True to form, Sirius displayed a remarkable focus and sense of priorities. “What the hell? How come he got to be the best man?! What about me?!”

  


“Well, you couldn’t even stand by then, you was so drunk,” Harley informed him. “Ya’ just kinda inched yer way inta the chapel like a caterpillar. So Harry wanted Tonks ta take yer place, but she was cryin’ too hard ta do it. So that left Remus! I mean, sure, he bit the King and humped the cake, but it’s okay!” She snuggled into Harry’s chest. “When ya’ marry a guy, ya’ marry inta his family, too.” She turned to Kara. “I just can’t wait ta meet yers! I mean, ya know, when they aren’t tryin’ ta beat me up and throw me in Arkham an’ everythin’.”

  


“Yeah, that meeting should go well,” Kara muttered.

  


“I was not crying!” Nym butted in, showcasing a very Sirius sense of priorities. “I mean, sure, I don’t exactly _remember_ what happened, but no way was I crying! I don’t cry!”

  


“Um, the Quidditch World Cup?” Harry reminded her.

  


“Okay, that was one time! But you’d cry too if you lost fifty galleons to the stupid Weasley twins!” Nym defended. “Those bastards are gloaters!”

  


“Hey, I _told you_ that bet was a bad idea!” he reminded her. “I mean, Ireland has one of the best teams of Chasers in the league, while Bulgaria just coasts by on Krum! And he was going up against _Lynch_ , one of the worst Seekers Ireland’s ever had! Of _course_ Bulgaria was going to end up with the Snitch, and of course Ireland was going to stomp them with their Chasers until that happened!”

  


“Oh, Merlin, not this again! That bet was solid gold! I mean, what kind of shit team still loses after catching the Snitch?! That never bloody happens! _No one_ could have predicted that ending!”

  


“The twins did,” he pointed out rather smugly.

  


“Alright, you know what? You and me, _right now_!” Nym yelled, drawing her wand.

  


“ _Bring it!_ ” he shouted, drawing his own.

  


“ENOUGH!” Remus shouted, interrupting yet another fight over this. “You’ll remember that we’re in public? Surrounded by muggles?”

  


He was not wrong on that front. In fact, they had by that point gathered a crowd of curious bystanders who didn’t seem to know whether to put money on the outcome or call the nice men in white coats to come deal with the lunatics who seemed about to fight each other with drumsticks.

  


Mumbling angrily to themselves, Harry and Nym both reluctantly sheathed their wands, and the crowd slowly started to wander off.

  


“The hell were you two talking about?” Kara finally asked.

  


“Quidditch,” Nym said.

  


“Nym being an idiot,” Harry answered simultaneously.

  


Unfortunately for Harry, Nym wasn’t limited to using her wand to express her displeasure, as she demonstrated by turning and kicking him directly in the shin, which was a far more serious deal than it seemed, given the clunky leather boots she wore.

  


“Man down!” Harry cried as he rolled around on the pavement clutching his leg.

  


Rolling his eyes, Remus bent down to help him back up. “Getting back on topic, you got married?” Remus repeated to Harry, clearly trying to come to terms with this. “And not just once, but _twice_? To girls you hadn’t even met before last night?”

  


Harry sighed. “Somehow, I figured you’d fixate on that particular detail.”

  


Remus rubbed his temples. “Harry … I’m very disappointed in you.” Nym looked pointedly at the list of criminal charges in Remus’ hands. “I thought we had raised you better than that.”

  


“I didn’t,” Sirius chimed in, rather honestly.

  


“Luckily,” Remus continued, completely ignoring Sirius, as per usual, “we should be able to get you an annulment without too much trouble. For one thing, even if you’re an adult by our standards, you’re still legally a minor in the muggle world. Plus, we should be able to claim mental incapacity pretty easily, since I’m assuming you were less than sober when this happened.”

  


“Hey! Who said we wanted an annul-thingy?!” Harley demanded, tightening her grip—fairly painfully—on Harry.

  


“Harley, be reasonable,” Kara said gently. “I’m sure we all had fun last night, and I’m sure you thought this would be a good idea at the time, but the fact is–”

  


“It was your idea,” Harley interrupted.

  


Kara was taken aback by this. “It … was my idea?”

  


“Yeah!” Harley insisted.

  


“Regardless of whose idea this was,” Remus interrupted, “you have to recognize that this was a bad one. None of you really know each other. Especially since you don’t even seem to remember last night.”

  


“ _I_ do,” Harley countered.

  


“But they don’t,” Remus pointed out to her, as annoyingly reasonable as ever. “The responsible thing to do would be to annul this marriage.”

  


“Um,” Harry finally spoke up, “this may all be a moot point, actually.”

  


Remus certainly didn’t like the sound of that. “And why exactly is that?”

  


Harry looked around at the muggles streaming past them. “Can we go somewhere else to talk?”

  


“Ooh, there was one cafe that you absolutely loved last night!” Harley told him. “Let’s go there!”

  


“That actually sounds like a pretty good idea,” Sirius said. “I could kill for some bacon right about now.”

  


“Oh, Merlin, bangers and mash,” Nym drooled.

  


Remus sighed. “Okay, fine. We’ll talk there.”

  


Skipping in excitement, Harley began leading the way.

  


* * *

  


As it turns out, Harley wasn’t the only one to retain memories of their exploits last night.

  


At least, that was what Harry interpreted from all the yelling and attacking and chucking of plates and pans that the workers of the cafe did upon spotting the married trio.

  


He didn’t feel too inclined to stick around and ask, though.

  


Instead, they simply—and very hurriedly—relocated to another cafe that the trio had hopefully not visited the night before.

  


There, they found a much calmer reception, and a fairly decent menu, too, even if Harley pouted and mourned, “It’s not the same,” while Nym complained that “These savages don’t even have bangers and mash! What fresh hell is this?!”

  


Eventually, they were all settled and calmed and eating what Harley still stubbornly referred to as “the second best food in Vegas.”

  


“Alright, Harry,” Remus finally began, drawing his wand and casting a _muffliato_ charm on the table. “I think it’s time to explain.”

  


Harry sighed. However, he didn’t exactly need words for the next bit, as he rolled up his sleeve and revealed his new tattoo.

  


Remus appeared confused at first, but his eyes quickly widened in realization. Glancing at Harley and Kara, he spotted matching tattoos on their own left arms.

  


“Oh, _Harry_ ,” he groaned, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Please tell me that isn’t what I think it is.”

  


“Okay. It isn’t what you think it is,” Harry dutifully, if dishonestly, parroted.

  


Remus gave him an unimpressed look.

  


“Wait …,” Sirius interrupted, his own eyes widening. “You mean that’s …”

  


Harry nodded.

  


They were all suddenly very grateful for the silencing charm, as otherwise, Sirius’ mad cackling would definitely have gotten them kicked out.

  


“Am I missing something?” Kara asked, clutching her new tattoo in concern.

  


“Nothing dangerous or anything,” Nym assured her, after finally connecting the dots herself. “Just … complicated.” She started rubbing her own temples. “Very complicated.”

  


“I’ll explain in a moment,” Harry assured her and Harley, “but first …,” he turned to Remus, “does this mean what I think it does?”

  


Remus appeared to be giving it some serious thought.

  


“I mean, they’re muggles,” Harry pointed out. “The law never said anything about applying to non-magicals.”

  


“But it was also never specified that it only applied to magicals, either,” Remus countered. “I don’t think anyone even considered the possibility that the Mark could be applied to non-magicals, so no one bothered to specify that one had to be a witch or wizard for the law to apply. I mean, I’ll need to do some research when we get back home in order to be absolutely sure, and I’ll definitely have to get Andy involved …”

  


“Oh, _perfect_ ,” Harry groaned, knowing a very painful encounter was in his future.

  


“But for the moment,” Remus hesitantly continued, “… I’d have to say yes. I think this does mean …” He trailed off, but he didn’t exactly need to say it out loud for Harry to get what he meant.

  


“Oh, very bloody well done, drunk-Harry,” he groaned in exasperation.

  


“Could someone please hit the translate button sometime in the near future?” Kara asked, tired of being left out of the loop.

  


Harry sighed and turned to the girls. “You’re right, I’m sorry. You see, Remus is a lawyer in our world. He works in my Aunt Andy’s firm. So I was just … trying to get a handle on our situation before explaining it. But … I think that time has come.”

  


“So … you’re going to tell them about us? About our world?” Remus asked, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

  


“I have to. And they have a right to know,” he said.

  


Turning back to the girls, he got started. “Okay, I don’t know how much I told you last night, or how much you’ve pieced together today, so I’m just going to start from the beginning. You see, many centuries ago, certain people started developing magical abilities. Rudimentary compared to modern magical spells and abilities, sure, but still enough to terrify the non-magicals around them all the same.”

  


“You mean like with the Salem Witch Trials of 1692?” Kara asked, remembering the event from her studies of Earth history.

  


“Exactly,” Harry said. “That was one of the later instances of what I’m talking about. But our people faced a lot more persecution than that from non-magicals who envied their power or feared that it was the work of demons or some such nonsense. So, several centuries ago, the surviving magicals banded together and formed their own secret communities where they could live their lives and embrace their powers without fear, safely hidden from the pitchfork-and-torch-wielding muggles, or non-magicals. And that’s where we all come from.”

  


“ _Aaaawesome_!” Harley breathed, her eyes shining. “We’re part of a magical _conspiracy_ , Kara!”

  


Harry grinned at Harley’s excitement as she folded her legs underneath her and started bouncing in her seat. “Unfortunately,” he continued, “while most witches and wizards simply want to live their lives in peace and quiet, safe from the muggles they fear, some have wanted to use their powers to conquer the world.”

  


“Naturally,” Kara dryly commented, having had more than her fair share of experience of supervillains trying to do exactly that the moment they gain even the slightest hint of power.

  


“Well, one such wizard was called Lord Voldemort, and he became the most powerful and feared dark lord our people have ever known,” Harry explained. “Around the time I was born, he had gathered an army of lackeys and psychos, labeled them Death Eaters, and started leading them in a bloody war against the rest of my world. Sometimes, they targeted government officials, or their families. Other times, they simply went on rampage, slaughtering muggles or magicals indiscriminately.”

  


“Good times,” Sirius commented sarcastically, a shadowed look coming over his face.

  


“It was a dark time in our history,” Remus picked up the explanation. “Not only did we never know where or how they would strike until it happened, but no one possessed the power to stop them. Even if we could occasionally manage to rouse up a strike force quick enough to hold the Death Eaters at bay, _no one_ , not our police force, nor even our most powerful and experienced wizards, could ever stand against their master. Anyone he faced, ended up dead. Period.”

  


“Rao,” Kara breathed, while Harley started biting her nails in anxiety over the story.

  


“Then, a prophecy was made, which of course made everything better,” Harry dryly picked up.

  


“What did the prophecy say?” Kara asked.

  


“Basically, that a child was about to be born who would have the power to kill that snake-eyed bastard. And since the oh so wise and brilliant man who originally heard this prophecy didn’t bother to silence the other person who _he saw_ had overheard it— _despite knowing that man was a Death Eater himself!_ —guess who soon found out about this little issue?”

  


“Voldemort,” Harley whispered, her eyes the size of dinner plates.

  


“And I’m guessing this prophecy was about you?” Kara astutely figured out.

  


“Right and right,” he answered. “And obviously, old Moldyshorts wasn’t going to let something like this stand, so he started hunting my family down. Eventually, he succeeded.”

  


“What happened?” Kara asked while Harley started chewing her nails all the way down to the quick.

  


“He murdered my parents,” he said simply, to two gasps of horror. “And he left me a parting gift.” Sweeping his messy black hair clear of his forehead, he revealed a lightning-bolt-shaped scar on his temple. “I was fifteen months old.”

  


“I’m so sorry, Harry,” Kara said, reaching out and taking his hand, her face showing nothing but sympathy … and understanding.

  


“It’s okay,” he told her, squeezing her hand in gratitude. “My parents weren’t his first victims, and sadly, they weren’t even his last. It happens.” He gave a dry chuckle. “They got the last laugh, though.”

  


“What do you mean?” Kara asked.

  


“My mother sacrificed herself to try and save me,” he explained. “And when she did, this shrouded me in an incredibly powerful form of protective magic. When Voldemort tried to kill me, his spell backfired and destroyed him instead, leaving me with just this scar.” He fingered the lightning bolt on his forehead. “And so the world was saved from the evil Lord Voldemort … even if it came at a terrible price.” His eyes lost their glimmer at that.

  


Harley got up from her seat and squeezed her way onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him tight.

  


“Thanks, Harl,” he told her with a small smile.

  


“That wasn’t even the worst part, though,” Sirius growled, his anger at what happened remaining unchanged even decades later.

  


“How so?” Kara asked, at a loss for how things got much worse than that.

  


“Someone sold Harry’s parents out to Voldemort that night,” Sirius answered, his eyes glittering darkly. “And that someone is a person that we had all called a friend.”

  


Remus placed his hand on Sirius’ shoulder and picked up the story. “Harry’s parents had been hidden with very powerful magic,” he explained to the girls. “The only way to find them was to be told how by someone called ‘the secret-keeper’. Otherwise, you could walk right past their house and never even see them.”

  


“It was supposed to be me,” Sirius confessed, his hair hanging like a curtain in front of his face as he lowered his head in shame. “I was supposed to be their secret-keeper, but at the last minute, I told them to use Peter instead. I thought it’d be safer, that everyone would suspect it was me and never even look twice at shy, nervous little Peter. And then he sold them out to Voldemort. My fault.”

  


Harry gave Nym a pointed look. Nodding, she drew her wand.

  


“YOW!” Sirius yelped, jumping in his seat and clutching his now sharply stinging buttcheek.

  


“Thanks, Nym,” Harry told her.

  


“My pleasure, Har,” she said with a smile.

  


“Sirius has a tendency to sink into the ‘it’s all my fault’ pitfall from time to time,” Harry explained to the surprised girls. “I’ve taken it upon myself to snap him out of it when he does. Sadly,” he looked at Harley in his lap, “my hands are a bit full at the moment, so I had to outsource this time.”

  


“Don’t worry, cuz. I’ve got you covered,” Nym assured him with a smile, fingering her wand and eyeing Sirius, who was rubbing his arse and muttering darkly.

  


“We _have_ been over this, Sirius,” Remus told the man. “The blame for their death lies with Pettigrew and Voldemort, no one else.”

  


“Unless you want me to start taking the blame for their death too,” Harry threatened. “After all, my birth is the reason they were targeted in the first place. If you say that their death is on you, then I have to say it’s on me, too.”

  


“Stupid Andy, teaching you stupid word games,” Sirius muttered.

  


“So, getting back to the story, after my parents died, Sirius, my godfather, took me in,” Harry explained.

  


“Still think I should have gone after that traitorous son of a bitch that night,” Sirius growled.

  


“Yes, and if you had, what then?” Remus asked in exasperation. “We all thought you were the secret-keeper, remember? The only ones who knew different were you, the now-deceased Potters, and Pettigrew. Meaning we all thought you had been the one to betray them to Voldemort. If you had run off chasing Pettigrew, then who would have been there to tell us different? Merlin knows what could have happened then. You could have been killed by the Aurors! Or thrown in Azkaban! And then what would have happened to Harry?”

  


“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know,” Sirius begrudgingly admitted. “That’s the _only_ reason I didn’t run that bastard down and blow him to kingdom come; I couldn’t be sure what would have happened to Harry if I had failed. I couldn’t take that chance.”

  


“And thank God for that,” Remus said, clapping his friend on the shoulder again.

  


“And that was the start of our strange family,” Nym explained to the girls. “But of course, no one in their right mind would trust Padfoot here with an infant all by himself.”

  


“Hey!” Sirius protested weakly.

  


“So me mum and dad decided we’d move in with them to help out,” Nym continued. “Mum was Sirius’ cousin, so we were all family anyways, and me an’ the tike here practically became siblings.” She reached over and tousled Harry’s hair fondly. “Then old Moony here seemed to think he’d be running off to live as a hermit somewhere, but Mum and Sirius wouldn’t have that, so he ended up dragged into our little clan too. Mum even got him a job in her law firm so he could stop his whole ‘homeless drifter’ thing.”

  


“Very unwisely, too, I might add,” Remus groused.

  


“He’s a werewolf,” Nym confided to the girls, to a squawk of displeasure from Remus. “Thinks that gives him an excuse to avoid the family gatherings. We weren’t buying it, though.”

  


“Yer a werewolf?” Harley exclaimed. “That’s awesome!”

  


“’Unsafe’ would be a better word,” Remus complained.

  


“Oh, come on, Moony. With your potion, you don’t even lose your mind when you turn anymore,” Sirus pointed out. “Unless you tripped and somehow impaled someone with one of your fangs, everyone was perfectly safe.”

  


“That was largely the point Andromeda made when she originally suggested me moving in,” Remus admitted. “Well, that and the fact that we couldn’t be sure that even two other adults in the house would be enough to save poor little Harry from your influence.”

  


“Well now you’re just being mean,” Sirius pouted.

  


“So, back to the story, Voldemort was gone, the world was saved, and we were all living in a somewhat cramped mansion,” Harry continued. “Unfortunately, as we later learned, everyone’s favorite dark lord was only mostly dead. He had stuck around in wraith form and was trying to regain a body so he could get back to business as usual. Yay us. And after several years of trying, he finally succeeded at that, too.”

  


“Ugh. Don’t you just hate it when the bad guys are supposed to be gone forever, and then they come back out of nowhere?” Kara sympathized.

  


“Yes! Exactly!” Harry emphatically agreed. “So all of a sudden, we’ve got dark lords and death eaters running around again. For a while, though, they weren’t outright attacking people or anything. They were mostly just building up their forces for when they’d be ready to make their move, and until then, the Death Eaters mostly just went about their day-to-day lives.”

  


“What, were they wearin’ masks or somethin’ when they were doin’ stuff fer the Big Bad, an’ so you couldn’t figure out who they were the rest o’ the time?” Harley asked.

  


“Good question. The answer is yes and no, actually,” Harry said. “Yes, they typically wore masks when actively working as Death Eaters, but we still knew who they all were, for the most part.”

  


“How?” Kara asked.

  


“Simple: All of Voldemort’s followers received a tattoo marking them as part of his organization,” Harry answered. “They were called ‘Dark Marks’.”

  


Harley seemed highly confused at this revelation. “But … but then didn’t yer cops just check fer the tattoos and arrest the people who had ‘em?” she asked in a display of logic that far surpassed anything that passed through their mockery of a government.

  


“That is another very good question, Harl,” Harry told her. “And the answer is no, they did not.”

  


“But … why?!” she asked, astounded and confused.

  


“Well, you see, there’s something you need to understand about the wizarding world, and our government in particular,” he told her.

  


“What’s that?” Kara asked.

  


“They’re morons,” he bluntly informed them. “Complete … and utter … morons.” He shook his head in disgust. “I mean, seriously, you have no idea. You wouldn’t even believe the hoops I had to jump through just to get those idiots to acknowledge that Voldemort was back in the first place. They were utterly determined to bury their heads in the sand and blatantly ignore or actively suppress anything resembling evidence or even basic coherent thought.” He turned back to Harley. “So no, they did not check for Dark Marks, because that would simply be too close to actual logic for their tastes.”

  


“Sadly … he’s not exactly wrong,” Remus reluctantly agreed. “Especially in recent years, logic and reason have often seemed distant strangers to our leaders.”

  


“Course, it didn’t help that half our leaders were so deep in the Death Eaters’ pockets that they were practically coughing up lint,” Nym growled. “Get yourself captured in full Death Eater regalia? No problem! One little ‘donation’ later, and suddenly, you were just another innocent victim brainwashed into joining their little cult, and shouldn’t such upstanding citizens be given a second chance to regain their seat in politics and continue pushing through laws that still perfectly match the manifesto of the Death Eaters? And of course, since the Auror that brought you in clearly just arrested an innocent man, shouldn’t she be given a demerit? I mean, who cares about her reputation or the _mountains_ of evidence she brought in with the guy, right?”

  


“Needless to say, we ended up handling a lot of the war front ourselves,” Harry told the girls as they watched Nym brutally stab one of her sausage links.

  


Repeatedly.

  


“So, am I right in assuming that our tattoos have something to do with these ‘Dark Marks’ you mentioned?” Kara asked, studying her left forearm.

  


“You would indeed,” he told her. “You see, one of Voldemort’s most terrifying attributes wasn’t the unparalleled power of his spells. It wasn’t even how ruthless or just downright sadistic he could be in who he went after and what he did to them. It was his sheer _talent_ at magic. He had a knack for creating unheard-of spells capable of accomplishing what our world had always considered to be utterly impossible, and he did so _repeatedly_. When he wasn’t doing that, he was dragging the depths of our past to resurrect ancient spells long thought lost to time, if they were even remembered in the first place.” Harry shrugged. “Well, pretty early on, I learned about how I was going to have to fight this bastard, and just how terrifying and even utterly laughable a notion this was, given what he was capable of. So, I started making it my mission to make myself his magical equal, whether by developing my own magic or by learning the secrets of his own. I had to. If I couldn’t stop him, the prophecy stated that no one else would, and damned if I was going to just let this psycho run loose over all the world.”

  


Harley started rubbing the back of his neck soothingly as she felt him get worked up over what he was talking about. Smiling at her appreciatively, he continued on more calmly. “Well, in my studies, I learned that the Dark Mark he used on his followers was far more than simple decoration. It was powerful magic forcefully binding his followers to him. More than that, though, I learned that it was _old_ magic, hailing from all the way back when humans started to take their first proverbial steps in magic.”

  


Both Harley and Kara started leaning closer in interest, even if for Harley, this just meant bringing her face within an inch of his own. “You see, back then, our people faced a pretty serious threat of extinction. Magical talent had only just started to surface in humans, so our proto-sorcerer ancestors lacked the more advanced abilities needed to defend themselves, and they often couldn’t even control what abilities they did have well enough to reliably hide them. Unfortunately for them, non-magicals were also extremely determined to destroy the ‘demon-worshipers’, as they saw them. Eventually, this left magicals on the verge of dying out.”

  


“What happened?” Harley asked, gently tugging on one of her pigtails as she listened, spellbound by the story.

  


“Well, up to that point, early magicals had mostly gotten by on their own, just families on the run. It was typically just one magical with their non-magical spouse and children, or maybe a magical child with their non-magical parents and siblings. Whatever the details, one fact remained: they were always running, and they were always hiding. For those unlucky bastards whose non-magical families felt more inclined to join the torch-wielding mobs than shelter ‘devil-spawn’, they simply struck out on their own … if they were fortunate. Unfortunately, neither tactic was all that successful. In the end, most found themselves on the receiving end of witch-hunter blades, or simply caught up in the chaos of ‘witch trials’ and executed alongside a few hundred other falsely accused non-magicals. And after a few generations, this left our numbers teetering on the brink of extinction. So, magicals were forced to change things up a bit.”

  


“What’d they do?” Harley whispered, now chewing on the end of her pigtail.

  


“They started forming what would become the foundations of modern magical communities,” he explained. “Instead of running and hiding on their own, the remaining magicals started banding together to survive. They started learning from each other, and teaching others the techniques they had developed themselves. And so the magicals that remained started to grow more powerful, and better able to defend themselves from the mobs of non-magical fanatics. However, their numbers were still too few and their abilities too raw to form any permanent, standing community safely. Instead, they resorted to caravans, for the most part, continuing life on the move, but now as groups instead of on their own. They relied on their ability to hide in plain sight, posing as circuses, or as merchants peddling cure-alls, or even as gypsies.” Harry grimaced. “Unfortunately, this tactic brought with it its own problems.”

  


“Like what?” Kara asked, now practically sitting on his lap herself, she was leaning in so far.

  


“The stakes were higher, now,” he explained. “Before, if the non-magical fanatics wanted to hunt down magicals, they had to do it one at a time, and they often had to end up butchering huge swathes of their own people in the process to accomplish even that. But now? If they found one single caravan, even one of the smaller ones, they could accomplish in a day what had previously taken years of trials and hunting to achieve.” Harry sighed. “Worse than that, though, was the fact that it wasn’t unheard of for magicals to betray their own caravans to the witch-hunters.”

  


“But _why_?” Harley asked, horrified.

  


“Greed, sometimes,” he said sadly. “They were often paid extremely well for the information. For others, it was because they actually believed in the witch-hunters’ cause and felt that those with their abilities were sinful abominations that needed to be eradicated, and so they worked with the non-magicals to track down and slaughter their own people. These lunatics often either took their own lives before too long, unable to deal with being ‘abominations’ themselves, or else they eventually found _themselves_ on the witch-hunters’ noose if the latter felt they weren’t leading them to enough of their own people. Whatever the reason for their betrayals, though, the fact remained that the magicals simply couldn’t afford to lose entire caravans’ worth of their people like that. Their numbers were just too few.”

  


“How did they stop it?” Kara asked.

  


“By creating the magic of coven-bonds,” he explained. “This powerful form of sorcery connected people’s very souls, binding them together in an unbreakable link. In doing so, they guaranteed that their people would _never_ betray their fellow bondmates. Doing so would be like cutting off their own arms. Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone in the coven was still an individual, and just as capable of disagreeing with the others as anyone, but they could never sell our their bondmates to the mobs and hunters. It was just unthinkable. They were as loyal to each other as any family. More so, even. On top of that, the bonds made it easier for magicals to share their power and teach each other their own talents and spells, thus guaranteeing the group’s survival better than anything ever had before. These covens then typically went their own ways in their own small caravans, constantly protecting each other while they learned and grew together. They would then meet with other covens and teach them more of the magic they had perfected in their group while learning from the other in turn. And so human magical ability grew by leaps and bounds. In time, magicals grew powerful enough to form standing communities, and these covens went on to become the ancestors for modern magical family lines.” Harry suddenly grinned. “And after learning all of this a couple years ago, I came up with a very amusing idea.”

  


“This should be good,” Harley predicted excitedly.

  


“You see, Voldemort’s Dark Mark is a perversion of this coven magic,” he explained. “Rather than marking each other as equals, as a _family_ , it marks his followers as subservient to him, little more than slaves, or tools. It forces their loyalty towards him while he himself feels nothing for them. He doesn’t even wear a Mark himself. So, while his followers were physically incapable of turning against him no matter what he did to them, he was free to torture, kill, or betray his followers as much as he liked. And believe me, like it he did.”

  


“He sounds like a terrific boss,” Kara dryly commented.

  


“Oh, you have no idea,” he agreed. “But, despite how he altered and even corrupted the original spell to form his Dark Marks, the fact remained that they were still based off of coven-bonds …,” Harry’s face lit up in a wicked grin, “… which is essentially the magical equivalent of making someone your soul mate.”

  


“Oh, no,” Kara breathed while Harley began giggling.

  


“Oh, yes,” Harry said, grinning madly. “Now, something else you need to know. Our little clan,” he gestured at the rest of his family, “wields quite a bit of power in our government. We’re a combination of the family lines of the Potters and the Blacks, two very old and extremely powerful houses in our world. Plus, for various reasons, I’ve found myself the heir of several other houses that are even older and more powerful. Not to mention the fact that the idiots where we’re from practically worship me simply because I was physically present when Voldemort was vanquished the first time.” He shuddered in annoyance. “So, put simply, if we want a law or something to go through, it’s pretty much a given that it will. And, bearing this fact in mind, I came to the rest of my family with an idea for just such a law.”

  


Sirius sniffled emotionally. “I’ve never been as proud of Harry as I was at that moment,” he warbled.

  


“My idea,” Harry explained, snickering all the while, “was to ‘rediscover’ the coven-bonds of our yesteryear, and to get them recognized as an act of marriage.”

  


“Oh, _Rao_ ,” Kara giggled, seeing where this was going.

  


“And, of course, this would also apply to offshoots of coven magic, such as, oh, as just a random example, _Dark Marks_ ,” Harry added happily.

  


Harley now had to bury her face in his chest to stifle her cackling.

  


“And as a final detail, it should be mentioned that the vast majority of Voldemort’s followers are men,” Harry mentioned.

  


Nym was now snort-giggling too.

  


“And so, with Remus and Andy’s help, we came to the Wizengamot with a proposed bill for the recognition of coven magic, and all variations thereof, as a legally binding act of marriage,” he proudly declared.

  


“You have no idea how much smoke we had to blow to get that through,” Remus mentioned. “Even with our near voting monopoly.”

  


“But it worked!” Harry picked up. “The law went through, and the next edition of our newspaper boldly declared that our dread Lord Voldemort was officially married to a whole bunch of dudes. The slut.”

  


The entire table burst into laughter, even Remus.

  


“But that wasn’t even the best part,” Harry choked through his laughter.

  


“It gets better?!” Kara asked incredulously, tears of laughter streaming down her face.

  


“Oh yeah. You see, most of his followers were the lords and scions of the wealthiest and most powerful families in our culture,” Harry managed to explain. “Their insane wealth had been funding Voldemort’s entire campaign, just like they had in the first war. But, as part of our culture, virtually all of these lords had married their spouses as a result of betrothal contracts with other powerful families. And, with them all now being legally and magically recognized as married to Voldemort, all these contracts were suddenly broken, and those things carry notoriously harsh penalties for that. As a result, all those rich and powerful SOBs lost their titles, their influence, and their wealth all in one fell swoop.”

  


“It was brilliant,” Sirius boasted. “Voldemort’s entire operation was crippled overnight, and those rich, snobbish bastards suddenly didn’t have two coins to rub together, meaning no more bribing their way out of prison.”

  


“But at least they had their new husband to take care of them,” Nym pointed out with a grin.

  


“By the way, if you haven’t seen a Dark Lord throw a temper tantrum, I can personally attest that it is utterly hilarious,” Harry told the girls. “It got even better after my dear friend Luna printed an article in her father’s magazine discussing just how many marriage consummations Voldemort had in store for him. She even recommended several oils and lubricants to help him prevent chafing.”

  


“She sounds incredible!” Harley snickered.

  


“In all honesty, that plan was brilliant, though!” Kara complimented after finally getting her breath back. “You managed to completely cripple your enemy without throwing a single punch. I can’t believe you thought of that!”

  


“Hmm? Oh, no, that part was just an unexpected bonus,” Harry candidly admitted.

  


“It … wait, what?” Kara asked, confused.

  


“Yeah, when I came up with this idea, I didn’t actually realize this would get his followers’ marriages voided, or that this would leave them all completely broke,” Harry confessed. “I just wanted to see the newspaper article announcing that our fearsome dark lord was now legally married to a bunch of guys. I thought it’d be hilarious.”

  


“I framed a copy and hung it over a painting of my mother I could never take down,” Sirius happily shared.

  


Kara stared silently, not sure how to respond to someone accidentally decimating his enemy’s army as the result of a prank.

  


Harley did, though. “My new hubby is _awesome_!” she proudly declared, running her hands through his hair and grinning at him.

  


“And that leads to our current dilemma,” Harry segued, raising his marked left arm. “The three of us are marked with the original coven-bond magic. And according to the law that I actually helped create, we are now, by law and magic, recognized as married so long as we bear these marks.” He sighed. “And, unfortunately … I don’t actually know how to remove them … or if they even _can_ be removed.”

  


Harley seemed fairly unconcerned by this revelation as she happily traced his tattoo. By contrast, Kara’s expression turned unreadable as she studied the serpent adorning her own arm. “These are permanent?” she asked quietly.

  


“As far as I know,” he confessed. “They weren’t exactly designed to be removed, after all. The whole point was to bring people together in an unbreakable bond, binding them together as part of a family. I don’t know of any instance where any form of the Mark had been successfully removed after being applied. Even Voldemort’s death didn’t remove his Dark Marks from his followers.” He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I can do some more research on it, though, and I can try some experiments to see if they can be removed, but for now …”

  


“For now, they’re permanent,” Kara completed, still utterly expressionless. “And that means that our marriage can’t be undone.”

  


They all watched her silently as she studied her tattoo. That silence turned nervous as she stood up and stepped closer to Harry.

  


And that silence broke as she grabbed his face and kissed him.

  


“Well, hello,” Sirius muttered.

  


Harry, meanwhile, was simply lost in the soft, warm feel of her lips, and the gentle tickle of her long golden hair caressing his cheek.

  


When she finally pulled away, he was left staring speechlessly into Kara’s deep blue eyes, an expression mirrored by Harley, who was still sitting on his lap.

  


“What? You act like it’s weird for a wife to kiss her husband,” Kara teased as she regained her seat with a smile.

  


It took a few moments for all the synapses of his brain to start firing again. “Wait … you mean, you’re okay with this?”

  


Kara sighed. “I dunno. This whole thing … it’s weird. To say the least. But even if I was drunk at the time, a part of me did still think this would be a good idea, apparently. Plus … well, you’re cute. _Very_ cute.”

  


Harry wouldn’t think he could still blush, given what he apparently did last night, but blush he did.

  


“And you’re funny, and fun to be around, too. And we clearly get along well, if we were willing to get married in the first place,” Kara continued listing off, her smile returning. “So if we’re actually stuck together, even if just for now … well, I could think of worse fates.”

  


“Oh, be still, my heart,” he dryly remarked.

  


“Oh, you know what I mean,” she said, rolling her eyes, though still with a smile.

  


“So we’re all stayin’ married?!” Harley squealed in excitement.

  


“At least until Harry here finds out for sure if and how the Marks can be removed,” Kara answered.

  


“Woohoo!” Harley cheered, planting a massive, wet kiss on Harry’s lips. She didn’t stop there, though, as she reached for Kara, too.

  


The self-proclaimed superhero barely had time to widen her eyes before Harley was on her, giving her a kiss that looked like it would rival the one she gave Harry earlier that morning.

  


Once again, the room was dead silent as Harley regained her seat on Harry’s lap, this time grinning widely at Kara’s shell-shocked face.

  


“What? We’re married too, ya’ know,” Harley pointed out to her with a wink.

  


“Uh,” Kara eloquently responded, her face crimson, “… right.”

  


“Aw, don’t worry, Goldie,” Harley comforted her. “You’ll get used ta it in no time!” As she settled more comfortably onto Harry’s lap, though, a look of surprise passed over her face. “Oh! I see _someone_ is already gettin’ used ta it, isn’t he? Or is that just a wand in yer pocke–”

  


“And moving on!” he hastily interrupted, pointedly ignoring Harley’s teasing, smoking glances, along with her blatant wiggling and his family’s snickers.

  


“Perhaps we should literally be moving on,” Nym suggested upon spotting the stares the rest of the cafe was giving them.

  


“That sounds like a good idea,” Kara agreed, still avoiding eye contact with the grinning Harley.

  


After they gathered up their things and made their way outside, however, they continued their conversation.

  


“So how about you two?” Sirius asked the two girls now married to his godson. “Tell us about yourselves.”

  


However, his interrogation didn’t get any farther than that, because at that moment, the ground beneath their feet began shaking in dull, pounding thuds, and their group was buffeted by screaming throngs of terrified muggles all fleeing from …

  


“Is that a giant metal playing card?” Harry asked in befuddlement.

  


“NONE CAN STAND AGAINST THE ACE OF SPADES!”

  


“Ugh. Great, _now_ he shows up,” Kara groused as the black-and-white, robotic monstrosity patterned like the aforementioned Ace of Spades used two hulking metal hands to tear apart the roof of a bank like cracking an egg.

  


“Friend of yours?” Harry asked. However, as he turned to look at Kara, he found her suddenly wearing an entirely different outfit.

  


She wore a bright blue, skintight, long-sleeved top bearing a strange red and gold shield featuring a prominent, stylized “S” on her chest, backed by a brilliant red cape hanging from her shoulders to the back of her knees. Below the cropped shirt was a bare, toned midriff and an equally bright blue skirt that ended at mid-thigh, leaving an expanse of smooth, curvy leg bare to just below her knee, where a pair of crimson, flat-soled boots completed the ensemble.

  


“Be right back,” she told them before flying at the giant, card-themed robot.

  


“Um … what?” Sirius asked for all of them just as Kara crashed into the robot with a punch that seemed to strike with all the force of a meteor, sending the giant card-man staggering back.

  


“Hey, wait fer me!” Harley cried before grabbing a bag Harry hadn’t noticed before and darting into a nearby phone booth.

  


“Shy, isn’t she?” Nym asked as Harley started stripping down inside the clear-glass phone booth in full view of everyone.

  


“Whoa!” Harry called out in surprise, hastily transfiguring the glass to something dark to preserve Harley’s dignity.

  


Just then, the ground jumped once more as the giant metal man was sent crashing to the ground by Kara.

  


“Would you all excuse me for a minute?” he asked his family as he went to join her.

  


“Hey, sweetie?” he called up to her from next to the giant robot, which was currently flat on its back and sprouting craters from being waled on.

  


“Yes, Harry?” she called back to him as she grabbed two metal plates forming the robot’s chest and tore them apart with her bare hands, sending sparks flying as she exposed more of the robot’s inner workings.

  


“I have questions,” he informed her.

  


“Just a moment, dear,” she informed him as she struggled against the metal behemoth’s grip after it managed to grab her.

  


“Oh, sure. Take your time,” he told her.

  


“Thanks!” she replied, just before the robot managed to whip her into the air and started struggling to its feet.

  


“My wife,” he boasted to the metal card-man as he watched Kara catch herself in the air and start flying back.

  


The clearly jealous robot responded by trying to smash him. However, when it lifted its fist out of the new crater in the street, it seemed rather confused to find that he wasn’t there.

  


“Need some help, love?” Harry called out to Kara from the other side of the street.

  


“Nope! I got this,” she assured him as she crashed into the oversized Tin Man once more.

  


“Alright, then. Have fun,” he told her as he conjured up some popcorn.

  


“Thank you!” she told him brightly before she started tearing into the robot with a rather impressive display of savagery, if Harry did say so himself.

  


“YOU’RE GOING DOWN, SUPERGIRL!” the robotic Ace boomed in what Harry deemed a rather dubious claim. “AND THEN I’M GONNA BUST OUT THE REST OF MY TEAM, AND WE’RE GONNA TAKE THIS CITY FOR EVERY SINGLE CENT!”

  


Harry was rather doubtful of this claim as well.

  


“Supergirl, huh?” he casually asked her as he watched her tear into the left arm of the now flailing giant metal man.

  


“Yeah, it’s my superhero name,” she answered as she finally managed to tear off the robot’s left arm and started using it to methodically beat the crap out of Ace.

  


“I think you missed a spot,” he facetiously claimed, pointing at the card-man’s head.

  


“Oh, thanks,” she told him cheerfully before amending this issue by repeatedly swinging the giant metal arm like a baseball bat right into the very worse-for-wear robot’s face.

  


“So, a superhero, huh? What’s that?” he picked up right before Ace managed to land a lucky shot that spiked Kara into the pavement right next to him. “Whoa! You alright?”

  


“Yeah, I’m fine,” she assured him as she brushed some rubble off her costume. “But seriously? You don’t know what a superhero is?” she asked as she dodged Ace’s giant metal foot and started repeatedly flying into the staggering robot’s back like a super-strong gnat.

  


“We’re kinda reclusive where I’m from,” he explained.

  


“Well … a superhero is … well, kinda just this,” she answered as she started working on removing the robot’s right arm. “We fight giant robots and invading aliens and megalomaniacs with giant lasers, and we just kinda save the day.” Sadly, the robot managed to tear itself loose from her grip—literally, as the scraps of metal in Kara’s hands attested—and continued its hopeless fight.

  


“Really?” Harry asked, intrigued. “So you just … run around doing hero stuff, all the time?”

  


“Pretty much,” she answered as evaded several wild strikes from Ace.

  


“… Huh,” he responded thoughtfully. “Interesting …”

  


As he watched, Kara apparently gave up on brute-forcing the arm. Instead, she simply shot lasers out of her eyes that cut through the arm like a warm knife through butter, sending it clattering to the ground to join its fellow.

  


Harry didn’t even bother to question the ability at this point.

  


“NO! I AIN’T GOIN’ DOWN LIKE THIS!” the disarmed robot bellowed furiously, if somewhat impotently. Suddenly, however, several sparking and dented panels on the robot’s body slid open, revealing what Harry felt safe to assume weren’t flower dispensers.

  


Roaring, the robot fired a barrage of missiles at Kara and the street around them. Kara didn’t seem too concerned, though, simply shooting down several with her laser vision while catching and smashing several others with her bare hands.

  


For the missiles that got past her, they just sort of magically disappeared before reaching the buildings or the crowd of rather stupidly rubbernecking civilians.

  


Harry gave his wand a twirl before re-sheathing it and returning to the show.

  


Unfortunately, that was when the show was rather rudely interrupted by a non-Kara-shaped red-blue blur that came out of nowhere to slam into the giant robot, which was promptly sent crashing into what was left of the bank it had broken into.

  


… as well as the two buildings on the other side of it.

  


“Oh, _great_. Here we go,” Kara muttered.

  


Harry didn’t have to ask what she meant, though, as a red-and-blue-clad man—who Harry was now mentally referring to as Property-Damage-Man—rose from rubble to float across from Kara.

  


Neither looked thrilled about the meeting.

  


“Where have you been?!” the man demanded, his long crimson cape snapping in the breeze. However, Harry paid more attention to the sigil on his chest, which perfectly matched Kara’s.

  


_Ah. This must be her cousin_ , Harry inferred.

  


“You know … around,” Kara answered evasively as she returned to the ground.

  


“No. Not good enough!” her similarly dressed counterpart yelled, floating closer to the ground, though Harry noticed he didn’t land, leaving him with the high-ground in their confrontation. “I’ve been looking all over for you since yesterday! And here you are, dressed as Supergirl! We agreed that you wouldn’t do that without me! We–”

  


“No, _you_ agreed!” Kara interjected furiously, clearly having had this conversation before, and not thrilled to be having it again. “ _You_ are the one who has a problem with me fighting crime without you hovering over me, fussing over my every move. But you know what? I don’t need a babysitter! I can handle myself! For Rao’s sake, I’m just as strong and invulnerable as you are! I’m fine! So yes, I’ve been fighting crime on my own. In fact, I came out here to take down the Royal Flush Gang. And you know what? I did! Except for Ace here, they’re all locked up because of me!”

  


“But you shouldn’t have done that without me there!” the newcomer insisted as behind him, Harry watched the giant robot slowly start to climb to its feet. However, both he and Kara were too focused on their argument to notice. So Harry drew his wand.

  


“You’re not used to your powers, yet!” Kara’s cousin told her as Harry, ignored by both of them, started holding up both his hands like he was trying to eyeball a picture, or like he was lining up a shot in American Football.

  


“You could hurt someone, or get hurt yourself!” her cousin continued as Harry shifted back and forth to get the right angle. “That’s why you don’t do this without me there! It’s like Robin with Batman. I’m supposed to teach yo–”

  


“Oh! So now I’m your sidekick?!” Kara demanded, her eyes glowing red again.

  


Harry was fairly sure that the only safe answer to this question was ‘no’. However, he also didn’t give her seemingly somewhat dickish cousin a chance to respond, as the ragged Ace had finally staggered to its feet, meaning it was time for Harry’s intervention.

  


“ _Waddiwasi_!” Harry incanted, gaining their attention at last. However, as confused as Kara’s cousin clearly was, he didn’t have a chance to do more than squeal as Harry’s spell sent him flying into and through the approaching Ace with all the speed of a bullet.

  


Kara’s eyes bulged as her cousin, one of the most powerful beings on the planet, was sent careening across the sky while the enormous robot she’d been fighting suddenly started having to come to grips with the gaping hole in the middle of its torso.

  


Her face when she turned back to Harry showed nothing but pure awe and delight.

  


“That was amazing,” she praised, overjoyed at seeing her perfect, overbearing cousin brought down a peg when she was so mad at him.

  


“Hey, before he comes back, is your cousin … ‘ _special_ ’?” Harry asked her.

  


“‘Special’?” she asked, her face furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean?”

  


“Yeah, like, is he all there in the head? Cause I mean, he wears his underwear on the outside of his pants, so I was worried that maybe …”

  


“Oh!” Kara exclaimed as she finally got it. However, her giggling made it difficult to answer. “No, he’s not ‘special’. Just fashion impaired. And insanely overprotective and smothering. And a major pain in my butt.”

  


“And you said he’s invulnerable?” Harry asked as he watched her cousin rapidly returning.

  


“Pretty much, yeah,” she answered.

  


“Good,” he said, though he didn’t tell her why, as her cousin had returned, and for some inexplicable reason, he seemed somewhat peeved.

  


“Kara, get away from him!” he ordered, staring at Harry mistrustfully and taking a defensive stance.

  


“What? Kal, he’s fine. This is Harry,” she introduced. “He’s my … friend.”

  


Harry stared at the flying man, who was clearly preparing for a fight. Strangely, even though he didn’t know the guy, he kind of reminded Harry of Dumbledore, in a way. Not in the older-than-dirt, senile-old-fart kind of way, but just in the way he carried himself, the way he held his chin with an air of self-righteous assurance. Like Dumbledore, he just oozed a quiet aura of moral superiority, as if he felt he was a bastion of goodness that the world should aspire to, as if the whole world saw him as some idol of perfection that could never be tarnished, and after years of hearing their praise, he had started to feel that maybe they were right.

  


It made what Harry was about to do much, _much_ more enjoyable.

  


“Kara, he’s dangerous! You need to geeeeeEEEEE!”

  


Collateral-Damage-Man was cut off from yelling at Kara as Harry pointed his wand at him … and started using him as a blunt instrument to bludgeon the heavily damaged but apparently still functional Ace as it started stomping towards them once again.

  


Kara’s jaw dropped as the squealing and helplessly flailing Superman was used as an indestructible, human-shaped wrecking ball to smash into Ace.

  


Repeatedly.

  


“Let – Me – Go!” he yelped as he was swung into the now heavily crumpled giant robot over and over again. “I’m – Gonna – Barf!” Sure enough, her super cousin looked decidedly green around the gills, wrapped helplessly as he was in the grip of Harry’s magic.

  


Of course, the almighty Ace wasn’t feeling too hot either, at the moment.

  


“I surrender! I surrender!” he cried, though in a very human voice rather than the booming speakers from before. Harry paused in his superhuman bludgeoning as creaking, shredded panels slid open in what remained of the giant scrap heap’s body, ejecting a trembling man dressed in a ragged, card-themed costume. “Please, no more! I give up!” he cried again, holding his hands in the air.

  


One quick bop from Harry’s new indestructible—if quietly groaning—floating battering ram, and the human Ace was deep in lala land, and ready to be taken in to complete Kara’s Royal Flush.

  


“There you go, Kara,” Harry told her. “That should complete the se–”

  


Chink!

  


He cut off in surprise at the strange sound. Looking down, he spotted a bat-shaped piece of black metal embedded in the concrete by his feet. However, before even Kara could do more than widen her eyes, the bat exploded, sending them both flying through the air.

  


Fortunately, Kara was indestructible, so she quickly gained her bearings and caught herself in the air. To her surprise, though, Harry was already back on the ground near the tiny crater, looking completely unharmed, except for the charred leg of his pants and the slightly miffed expression on his face.

  


However, of greater interest was the group of colorful individuals lined up on the street behind them.

  


“Oh, _Rao_ ,” Kara breathed as she took in the sight of virtually the entire Justice League, and their sidekicks.

  


All of whom were currently glaring at Harry.

  


Batman was front and center, as he was wont to be. At his sides were Wonder Woman and Martian Manhunter, while flanking them were Captain Atom and The Flash, followed by Green Lantern and Hawkgirl. Following them were Aquaman and Black Canary, flanked by Green Arrow and Red Tornado. Captain Marvel and Zatara took up the far edges. In a separate, far less neatly organized group were the assorted sidekicks of the heroes, including Robin, Kid Flash, Aquagirl, Wonder Girl, and Zatanna, who Kara was extremely surprised to see out and about at all, given how her father Zatara was even more obsessively protective and smothering of her than Kal was towards her, which was really saying something.

  


“I’m guessing by the pointy ears and the picture of the flying rodent on your chest that that little surprise was yours,” Harry asked the caped and cowled man in front.

  


“Lower the wand and surrender,” Batman ordered, the pure white eyes of his cowl narrowing threateningly. “You’re coming with us.”

  


“No, it’s fine! Everyone relax!” Kara hurriedly interrupted, before she was suddenly grabbed from behind.

  


“Stand down, Kara,” Kal told her, apparently released from Harry’s spell in the surprise of Batman’s attack.

  


“Let me go, Kal!” she yelled, thrashing in his steel grip.

  


“Relax, Kar. It’s fine,” Harry told her in a remarkably casual tone for someone staring down the most powerful beings on the entire planet.

  


“It is not fine!” she yelled. “Everyone, you got the wrong idea! He was just messing around. Kal is fine.”

  


“Supergirl, he attacked a member of the Justice League,” Wonder Woman pointed out to her.

  


“A member of the what?” Harry asked curiously, still looking completely unconcerned by the hostile intent of the small army staring him down, many of whom now looked extremely surprised by his question.

  


“Kal doesn’t even have a scratch on him,” Kara pointed out to Diana. “Harry’s my friend. He’s not a bad guy. It’s fine. He was just messing around. And look! He helped capture a criminal!” She gestured at the downed Ace.

  


Most of the League started looking at each other uncertainly and lowering their weapons, apparently starting to listen to her, giving Kara hope that she could end this before a fight started. Worried that Harry’s family would intervene and make things worse, though, she glanced over at where she and Harry had left them. To her surprise, she found them all still standing there, not trying to intervene at all. Though, if she didn’t know better, she would have said that they were listening to something inaudible, given the way they had their heads cocked. In fact, it kind of looked like it did when Martian Manhunter was speaking to a member of the League telepathically, which seemed even more likely when she glanced at Harry and saw a slightly distant look in his eye, also just like the Manhunter got when telepathically communicating.

  


“Well, I must say, you’ve certainly got an interesting technique for crime fighting,” Green Arrow finally chuckled, lowering his bow and smiling at Harry good-naturedly, an expression definitely not mirrored by the ever-suspicious Batman. However, many of the other members of the League followed Green Arrow’s lead and lowered their weapons fully, or just otherwise relaxed. Even Kal reluctantly released Kara and floated over to join his fellows, though his expression still mirrored Batman’s.

  


“Thank you,” Kara told them all gratefully, feeling almost boneless in relief.

  


Even if only very briefly.

  


“Hang on, guys! I’m comin’! Don’t finish robo-man off without me!”

  


Kara felt her stomach drop as Harley forced her way through the crowd of watching pedestrians and ran up panting, fully dressed in her traditional skin-tight, red and black jester outfit, complete with makeup and an over-sized mallet that Kara was utterly clueless both as to where she had just got it from and how she even used it. Of course, at the moment, Kara’s priorities had her focusing more on how the entire League tensed up and lifted their weapons upon spotting her.

  


“Holy shit, Harley. You look incredible,” an awestruck Harry with apparently very different priorities informed Harley.

  


“Aww, thank you, sweetie,” she said happily, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. “But where’s the Tin Man? Did you guys finish him without meeeeoh no.” Her face fell as she noticed the Justice League for the first time. “Aw, crap!”

  


“Seconded,” Kara groaned.

  


“Harley Quinn,” Batman growled.

  


“Uh, h-h-hey, B-man! Long t-time, no see!” she nervously greeted over Harry’s shoulder as she huddled behind him.

  


Batman’s glare simply deepened.

  


“You know, I almost get the sense that you two don’t quite like each other,” Harry dryly commented. “Weird.”

  


“Well, you wouldn’t like ‘im eitha if it was you he was constantly beatin’ on and bullying and scarin’ and lockin’ away!” Harley whined, peeking around him nervously to stare at the entire army of superpowered heroes in front of them, all of whom would happily see her returned to Arkham, if not simply prison.

  


“That girl is a wanted criminal,” Batman informed them, glowering at the gulping Harley all the while. “Stand aside and release her to us.”

  


“Hmm …,” Harry tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Nah,” he then casually replied.

  


The surprised looks on several of the heroes said this was not the response they expected.

  


Batman’s glare grew even more threatening, if that was possible. “That wasn’t a suggestion,” he growled, drawing a batarang. “Stand aside and release her to us. You won’t be told again.”

  


For achingly long moment, silence reined in the street, disturbed only by the creaking of leather and the rustle of cloth as members of the League hefted weapons or took a combative stance. All except Batman and Harry. Kara’s eyes jumped from one to the other like a ball in table tennis, but neither moved an inch. Batman’s unchanging glower remained as fearsome as ever, while Harry’s expression still showed his usual look of casual, general amusement, though now tinged with … excitement?

  


Harley gulped and tightened her grip on the back of Harry’s jacket.

  


Finally, the stand-off broke, as once again, Harry made the strange hissing sound that Kara had heard earlier, only this time, she noticed the locket on his chest start glowing under his shirt.

  


What Kara saw next made her eyes bulge.

  


Between one eye blink and the next, Harry’s entire outfit simply … _changed_. Where once, he had been wearing casual, if well-made clothes, now … now, he looked ready for war.

  


He still wore the engraved, red-black leather boots she had noticed before, but that was all that remained the same. Rather than blue jeans and a black button-up shirt, he wore what could only be called armor, made of the thin, glossy green-black scaled leather that Kara recognized from the jacket he had been wearing, only this was carved with more of the strange designs and symbols that graced his boots. On his forearms were fingerless gloves and bracers made from the same reddish-black leather as his boots, too, and they bore still more of the delicately engraved runes, while on one of his fingers, Kara noticed a strange ring bearing a simply cut black stone featuring yet another symbol that she didn’t recognize, resembling a triangle containing a circle and bisected by a straight line.

  


His new attire was completed by an odd silvery cloak that seemed to make parts of him disappear, as well as his golden locket dangling on his chest.

  


“Make me,” Harry finally spoke, grinning excitedly at Batman while twirling his wand made of a strange, knotted wood.

  


“Ah, hell,” Kara muttered as she saw Batman’s grip tighten on his batarang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :) I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. I gotta say, it ended up being a lot more expository than I expected, so sorry if that bugs you. For Harry’s armor, if it helps, I’m picturing something like an altered version of the Nightingale Armor from Skyrim, sans the hood and mask. Beyond that, I hope you’re enjoying the story, and I’ll see you next time!


	3. Harry v Everybody: Dawn of Ass-Whoopings

Kara watched with bated breath as the stand-off between Harry and the Justice League continued, tension filling the air as Batman and most of the others glared at Harry threateningly, while he simply smirked back daringly, his silver cloak dancing behind his shoulders in the breeze.

  


Into this silent contest of wills, an actual tumbleweed rolled down the street.

  


“Wait, what on Earth?”

  


The Flash took the words right out of Kara’s mouth, and more than a few of his teammates’ too, by the looks of their expressions at the Old West cliché bouncing across the big city road in front of them.

  


Unlike them, however, Kara had an idea where it had come from.

  


“Really, Harry? A tumbleweed? _Now?_ ” she asked him in an exasperation, reluctantly amused in spite of herself.

  


His grin deepened as, to her surprise and mild alarm, he freely broke gazes with the League and turned back to her. “It seemed appropriate,” he told her as he continued to twirl the wand in his hand.

  


She didn’t have a chance to warn him about the rookie mistake he had just made by taking his eyes off the League. Batman, not one to waste such an opportunity, had already hurled a pair of batarangs straight at Harry’s head. Worse, Kara watched as if in slow motion as Black Canary braced her feet and inhaled deeply, obviously preparing for her signature Canary Cry, a directed ultrasonic scream loud enough to shatter concrete and packing enough physical force to send even her cousin crashing through walls at its peak.

  


Kara’s eyes widened in horror as she prepared to fly into the battlefield-in-the-making, but just then, she caught Harry’s gaze.

  


And she saw the subtle wink he gave her.

  


This threw her off just long enough to miss her window as Black Canary began her cry. Sonic shockwaves immediately began cracking the asphalt as her cry raced just behind the batarangs hurtling towards Red Tornado’s turned back.

  


Kara blinked.

  


_Wait, what?_

  


Batman’s batarangs embedded themselves in the crimson robot’s metal back with two echoing “shing!”s before exploding, sending the bewilderingly misplaced League member crashing to the ground with a tinny shout, only to be immediately sent flying into the face of a building with a howl as Black Canary’s cry joined the barrage of inexplicable friendly fire.

  


Once again, silence reigned in the street as everyone stared at Red Tornado, currently embedded in a concrete crater with no one able to process how he had gotten there.

  


“Hmm. Not off to a great start, are we?” Harry’s amused voice sounded, sending everyone’s heads whipping about to see him standing next to Black Canary in Red Tornado’s old position in the lineup, a cheeky grin on his face. “ _Sonorus_ ,” he casually incanted as he tapped his wand on the side of the speechless Black Canary’s neck.

  


Shocked or no, Black Canary was still an experienced crime fighter, and a master martial artist. Almost immediately, she spun and lashed out in roundhouse kick that connected explosively with Hawkgirl’s mouth.

  


“Gaah!” the winged superhero hollered, grabbing her bloody mouth as Black Canary recoiled in shock and confusion once again.

  


“Oof. That looked painful,” Harry remarked from the other side of Canary, where Hawkgirl had been standing just a moment ago. “ _Muffliato_ ,” he incanted, flicking his wand from the now wide-eyed Black Canary towards somewhere near Kara.

  


In an act of pure, long-ingrained reflex, Canary instinctually lashed out in a fearsome right hook, which also connected perfectly with the twice-misplaced Hawkgirl.

  


“Argh!” the hot-tempered redhead cried, clutching her cheek. “What’s your problem, Dinah?!”

  


The black leather and fishnet-clad blonde staggered back from the mace-wielding and now absolutely livid woman in a horror only partly caused by the shock of her own actions.

  


“You know, I appreciate the assist, Canary,” Harry’s teasing voice came once again, this time from where he was sprawled lazily on top of a streetlight, one leg casually swinging, “but I can really handle this myself. Thanks.”

  


The fury in Black Canary’s eyes rivaled even that of the injured Thanagarian as she braced her feet and inhaled deeply, either assuming that she didn’t have to worry about him switching places with a teammate from that far away, and forgetting about the still groaning and crater-clad Red Tornado in the process, or simply too angry to care.

  


Kara didn’t give a crap, though. She had to stop things before they got even further out of hand. However, as she started to fly towards Canary, a pair of blue-clad, resolute arms grabbed her from behind.

  


“Kal, let me go!” she yelled.

  


“Kara, stop, you have to listen to me! You have to–”

  


Whatever else he was going to say, she never heard. Because at that moment, Black Canary unleashed her cry.

  


Or at least, she seemed to be doing so. Except no sound passed her lips.

  


Her cousin appeared to be taking up her slack, though, as with an agonized scream, the mighty Superman was torn free of her and sent absolutely rocketing through the building behind them, his hands clapped to his bleeding ears.

  


Once again, everyone stared in stunned silence as one of their own was taken down, this time apparently struck by Black Canary’s silenced scream despite her facing in an entirely different direction at the time.

  


“Well how about that? Two down already,” Harry commented, still casually seated on the streetlight. “How embarrassing.” Almost as an afterthought, he flicked his wand and caused ropes to spring up around Canary, binding the woman tightly from shoulder to ankle and making her fall to the street with an inaudible grunt. It almost seemed pointless, though. By now, the shell-shocked superhero seemed afraid to even move without hitting one of her teammates by mistake, and the rest of the League seemed to be battling similar concerns themselves.

  


“ _Aaaawesome!_ ” Harley breathed as she stared awestruck at her new husband, who had just taken out three Justice League members and injured a fourth without even attacking them himself.

  


As Kara watched, most of the League that was still standing half raised their weapons at Harry, only to hesitate as they clearly feared hitting one of their own at the last second.

  


However, it was the member that Kara didn’t see that alarmed her, even more so when she spotted a Batman-shaped shadow on the side of the building behind and above the still lounging Harry.

  


With an almost silent rustle of cloth, Batman launched himself at Harry’s idle form.

  


In a still disorienting but now somewhat unsurprising move, Batman’s and Harry’s places were suddenly switched, with Batman landing gracefully on the streetlight while Harry took his place in the air mid-leap. However, the tactician of the League clearly expected this, as he immediately spun and threw a prepared batarang at the airborne Harry. This was no ordinary batarang, however, as was made apparent when a crackling bolt of electricity launched itself from a small black device stuck to the building face Batman had launched himself from, passing through Harry’s still airborne form as it immediately connected with the polarized batarang still flying towards him.

  


Of course, the lack of wincing or screaming or really any reaction at all on Harry’s part was rather surprising, given the bolt of high-voltage electricity running through his body. However, this made sense a moment later when the image of Harry wavered and disappeared like a hologram.

  


The League’s resident master of illusions and misdirection scowled furiously at the sight. Though he soon had more important things to worry about.

  


Such as the heavy cape he wore, which spontaneously came to life and decided its first act would be to give its father a particularly violent hug.

  


Batman grunted in surprise as he wrestled mightily with the living and surprisingly tenacious garment, falling from his perch on the streetlight in their struggle and colliding heavily with the pavement below, where he continued his silent battle with the violent cloak.

  


“Well, you know what they say,” Harry’s voice echoed out again, this time seemingly from nowhere. “The clothes you wear say a lot about you.” Below Kara, the League members still standing spun their heads this way and that to try and find the wizard that had already neutralized four of their people, though they were most certainly not panicking. No sir. Regardless, they still exhibited both alarm and a measure of relief when he finally revealed himself in their midst with a faint warping of the air as he swept his silvery cloak back behind his shoulders.

  


“Right now, I think _your_ clothes are mostly just saying they think you’re an asshole, though,” Harry completed with a laugh as he watched Batman struggle.

  


“Batman!” the teenaged Robin called out, pulling a sharpened wing-ding free and running to help his mentor, causing Kara to finally remember that he and the rest of the sidekicks were even there in the first place.

  


And apparently reminding someone else, too.

  


“HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

  


Robin yelped and backpedaled as Harley charged straight at him, mallet held high and a war cry on her lips. And then she was entering into the fray, hammer swinging wildly as she threw herself in without care, giving the boy wonder a surprisingly tough time, as her gymnastic talents, unpredictable nature, big-ass hammer, and … less than stellar sense of self-preservation made her an impressively fearsome opponent, even for someone trained by the Bat.

  


“Thanks, honey!” Harry happily called out to her.

  


“Yer welcome, sweetie!” she called back, grinning like she was having the time of her life.

  


At least, she was until the black-haired Donna Troy of Themyscira, the heroine known as Wonder Girl, joined the fight as she flew at Harley, suddenly putting the considerably outmatched girl on the defensive as Harley was forced to use her gymnastics to their fullest extent to duck and weave and cartwheel out of the way of the superstrong girl’s aggressive and less than perfectly restrained attacks.

  


“Don’t worry, love. I’ve got you covered!” Harry called out. At that moment, however, a red blur raced at Harry’s turned back, only to veer wildly around Donna’s disoriented and suddenly displaced form before continuing after Harry unabated.

  


Kara watched as the Flash raced after Harry, only to find the latter constantly switching out with League or Mini-League members just before the speedster struck, always seeming just a fraction of a step ahead of the fastest man alive as he switched and teleported at a rapid-fire rate.

  


For several moments, everything seemed locked in a stalemate. The Flash couldn’t catch Harry, and no one else on his team could attack the wizard either as he appeared and disappeared like a flickering mirage, disorienting the Leaguers more and more as they were flitted about the battlefield willy-nilly when he took their places, never knowing where they were going to end up next. No one could even attack Harley Quinn, as anyone near her and Robin ended up switched and swapped before they could even get their bearings, leaving the jester and the young crime fighter free to continue their fight uninterrupted.

  


However, with the lightning-fast speedster on his heels, Harry also couldn’t seem to do anything else other than flee.

  


Making this a perfect opportunity for Kara to finally try to talk some sense into the increasingly nauseated and still rapidly switching League members.

  


“Everyone, stop this!” she yelled. “This is all just a big misunderstanding! This fight is completely unnecessary!”

  


“How dare you?!” Harry cried indignantly from nearly a dozen places at once as he continued flickering about the battlefield. “All fights are necessary!”

  


“What he said!” Harley emphatically agreed as she forced Robin into a springing backflip to avoid her wild hammer strikes.

  


Kara sighed. “Alright, reason clearly isn’t the going to be the way to the hearts of those two,” she muttered as she watched the admittedly crazy jester and the apparently no stabler wizard, who was now giggling wildly as he flitted about the battlefield, enjoying a fight for apparently the fight’s own sake. “And I’m suddenly realizing that this should have occurred to me before now,” she remarked as Harley began laughing a near identical cackle.

  


“Give it up, kid!” the Flash called out as he continued chasing the teleporting wizard. “You can’t outrun me forever. I’m the fastest man alive!”

  


Harry’s cackling grew even louder. “I’m pretty sure they make a pill for that now!” he laughed as he continued switching with now slightly green-looking Leaguers.

  


“Oh, _very_ classy!” the Flash yelled back. “Notice you’re still running, though!”

  


“Of course I am!” he laughed back. “The longer we do this, the sicker we make your friends!”

  


“Wait, what?” Suddenly, both Kara and Flash began paying more attention to the rest of the League. All of them looked nearly dead on their feet by this point as they swayed and dry-heaved from being constantly teleported all over the place. “Oh, dang!” The Flash immediately stopped running after Harry and skidded to a halt.

  


“Aw, just another guy who’s all about the chase,” Harry goaded him from the center of a drunken-looking Justice League. “Tease.”

  


“Alright, you’re making me feel kinda dirty here,” Flash complained uncomfortably.

  


“Well then, by all means, shut me up,” Harry dared, holding his arms wide.

  


“You think I can’t?” the crimson speedster called out. “I can move faster than you can even think, kid!” He demonstrated by zipping from side to side in a blink, proving that Harry wouldn’t be able to tag him with a spell. “What can you do against that?” Flash challenged, folding his arms and smirking cockily.

  


“Lotta’ things,” Harry answered, looking thoughtful. “Pretty sure freezing time will do, though.”

  


Kara’s jaw dropped. _He couldn’t …_

  


“Freeze _what_?!” Flash yelped, no longer cocky.

  


In response, Harry simply grinned and disappeared. Kara’s gaze shot back to Flash just as he gave another yelp and collapsed to the ground, suddenly wrapped in chains that tightened even as she watched.

  


“Well, I guess I was right,” Harry surmised, brushing off his sleeves as he stood over the immobilized crimson speedster. “That did the trick!”

  


While Kara stared at him in astonishment at his apparent ability to manipulate the forces of time, she found her gaze falling to Harry’s reddish leather boots, as her sharp eyes caught the faint flicker of light just as it faded from the runes and symbols tooled up and down the scaled leather. Suddenly, she began eyeing the array of symbols adorning the rest of his armor as well, wondering what the rest did.

  


“Don’t worry Flash! I got ya’!” the yellow-clad Kid Flash yelled, shaking off his dizziness from all the teleporting as he activated his own superspeed with a drunken sway.

  


“Kid, no!” Flash yelled out in warning.

  


However, as powerful as the Flash was, he was still no match for the sheer stubbornness of a teenager, and so his words went unheeded. Kid Flash raced towards the wizard and his downed mentor in a yellow blur.

  


Harry exhibited all the concern of a particularly bored lamp as he watched the headlong charge.

  


Kid Flash, meanwhile, while admittedly much slower than his mentor, still showed nothing but cocky assurance as he watched Harry raise his wand, evidently certain in his ability to dodge with his superspeed.

  


His expression grew confused when Harry pointed the wand skyward, however. Though Kara’s attention was mostly drawn to the latter’s boots as some of the runes encircling his soles began to emit a faint glimmer of light once again.

  


‘ _You might want to close your eyes, love,’_ Harry’s voice suddenly sounded in Kara’s head, making her reel. Rather than listen, though, she simply stared at him wide-eyed.

  


A less than wise reflex, admittedly.

  


“Catch ya’ in a flash!” a grinning Harry punned at Kid Flash just as his wand flooded the area with an absolutely blinding light.

  


Howling, Kid Flash clutched at his eyes in a move mirrored by most everyone present, Kara included.

  


Her Kryptonian ears still worked, however, meaning she heard Kid Flash trip and fall into a bouncing, skidding tumble in his blindness … and she heard the faint hum and snap of energy being released shortly after.

  


“Thanks fer the warnin’, honey!” Harley called out just as Kara began blinking the spots out of her vision. Looking over at her blearily, she saw Harley with her eyes shut tight still wildly swinging her mallet in Robin’s general direction, who was busy staggering backwards and rubbing at his eyes painfully.

  


“You can open them now, Harl,” Harry told her in amusement.

  


“Oh,” she replied, opening her eyes and blinking. “Thanks!” she told him cheerily before resuming her bird-squashing efforts against a now fairly handicapped Robin.

  


“What the crap is this?!” Kid Flash yelled in a panic.

  


Turning back to the downed yellow speedster, Kara’s eyes bulged as she saw the boy poking at his legs, which wiggled bonelessly like leg-shaped water balloons.

  


“You like?” Harry asked happily. “Jelly-legs curse! Good for all occasions!”

  


Kid Flash poked his unresponsive legs once more. “I do not like,” he informed the wizard, somewhat in shock. “In fact, words cannot express how much I do not like this.”

  


“Face the might of justice, evil-doer!” the heavily muscled and fairly campy Captain Marvel suddenly interrupted, recovering from his nausea and flying towards Harry with an eager grin and a cocked-back fist.

  


Harry raised an eyebrow at the display.

  


“ _Portus_ ,” he casually responded, flicking his wand and sending two stones flying towards the reckless hero, where they both stuck to his uniform with a muted blue flash.

  


“Uh-oh,” Captain Marvel muttered, certain this couldn’t be anything good.

  


And it wasn’t.

  


“AAA–AAA–AAA–ST–OP–TH–IS–CRA–ZY–THING!” Captain Marvel yelled brokenly from nearly two places at once as the stones stuck to his uniform teleported him back and forth so quickly, it looked like there were two of him standing next to each other, though each was decidedly blurry and already remarkably green-tinged.

  


Before Harry could respond, however, his attention was grabbed by a strange sound coming from the chained-up Flash.

  


“Oh, right. I forgot he could do that,” Kara muttered as she watched the speedster vibrate his body fast enough to phase through the chains that bound him.

  


“Well, that’s a twist,” Harry muttered, sounding in no way disappointed as the fastest man alive escaped his trap and resumed a combative stance.

  


However, just as the speedster charged at the wizard once more, Harry flicked his wand at the ground, causing a strange, glittery golden mist to explode outwards, floating a foot off the ground all around him.

  


As the Flash touched this golden mist, his world turned upside down.

  


Literally.

  


“Gaaaah! Who made the floor the ceiling?!” the Flash cried, his legs dangling skywards while his hands desperately clutched at the pavement to keep him from falling into the sky thanks to the enchanted mist telling him up was down.

  


This left the speedster completely vulnerable to Harry’s follow-up spell, which snapped the hero’s limbs together and forced him stiff as a board as he tumbled rigidly and probably painfully to the ground, the glittering golden mist around him disappearing with another wave of Harry’s wand.

  


“Good luck phasing out of a full body-bind curse,” Harry challenged the completely paralyzed hero.

  


All of a sudden, however, Harry’s eyes widened and he disappeared just as a powerful blast of energy destroyed the ground where he’d been standing. He reappeared on the other side of the street, only to disappear once again as a pair of crimson laser beams made another crater where he had appeared.

  


Kara stared as the metal-skinned Captain Atom floated in the air, his hands glowing with a fierceness matched only by his glare. And beside him, crimson cape fluttering in the breeze, was her cousin, Superman. His uniform was torn, and his neck and collar were stained with blood from his ears, but his back was straight, and his eyes glowing red.

  


As Kara watched, the scattered Leaguers, including an apparently recovered Red Tornado and a now untied Black Canary, regained their feet and readied themselves, in many cases shaking off the lingering nausea and dizziness from their rapid-fire teleporting as they stared Harry down, clearly readying themselves for round two.

  


“I guess we’re taking off the kid gloves, huh?” Harry asked the Leaguers.

  


Nothing but stern, focused silence answered him.

  


Grinning, the wizard brushed his cloak free of his wand arm. “I can live with that,” he told them.

  


“I don’t suppose we could solve this with talking or something, could we?” Zatanna asked from the group of sidekicks, all of whom were also readying themselves to fight, including Robin, who had just finished tying up a gagged and furiously struggling Harley Quinn.

  


The horrified look Harry shot the tuxedo-clad girl at the mere suggestion said that the odds of words saving the day were exceptionally low.

  


“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” she grimaced.

  


“Welcome to my world,” Kara commiserated with her. However, the words had barely left her mouth before her blue-clad cousin shot towards Harry in a blur, only to rebound with a gong-like sound as he struck a coruscating forcefield-like sphere that suddenly appeared around Harry.

  


“ _Confundo_ ,” Harry incanted, carelessly flicking his wand at the reeling superhero.

  


Kara’s cousin braced himself, but there was nothing to dodge—no flash of light shot from the wand. However, he did suddenly fly himself face-first into the ground for seemingly no reason, so the spell likely wasn’t a dud.

  


That is, unless the world’s greatest boy scout was flying while drunk.

  


“I am a _confuuuuuse_!” Superman bellowed out in disorientation as he constantly found himself flying about randomly, his thoughts and powers scrambled by Harry’s spell.

  


Kara was forced to grab a hold of her magically confounded cousin to restrain him and keep him from injuring people.

  


She couldn’t spare him much of her focus, however, even as she strained to battle his random flying impulses. She was busy watching the fight.

  


Immediately after magically confusing Superman, Harry had to teleport away from another barrage of attacks from the one-man artillery, the ever-serious Captain Atom.

  


Evidently, Harry detected this particular quality in the silver man, just as he also clearly took issue with it.

  


“Cheering charm time!” Harry announced from the air behind Captain Atom, tapping him on the back of his metallic head with his wand before disappearing once again.

  


“He can fly,” Kara noted after watching this. She snorted in exasperation. “Because of course he can,” she added.

  


Few others seemed interested in this revelation. They were more interested in the grinning and giggling coming from the usually dour and stern Captain Atom.

  


This quickly escalated into full-pelt laughing as the metal man let himself fall to the ground cackling and staring at the sky dreamily, appearing for all the world like the happiest man in existence … or at least the highest.

  


“Now that’s just creepy,” Green Arrow aptly described the perpetually serious man’s new giddiness. However, the others weren’t exactly standing around watching their now sky-high teammate like Arrow was. They were continuing the attack.

  


With a mechanical whir and the sound of racing wind, Red Tornado floated towards Harry atop a brilliant red twister. Raising a slightly battered metal arm, the android sent another racing towards the wizard.

  


With a flourish of Harry’s wand, however, the racing red wind forming the twisters was suddenly transformed into water. With another flourish, this water was forced into a massive cyclone racing around him and the android, creating a wall that shut out the others and sending Red Tornado hurtling towards the ground with a metallic shout almost buried under the sound of the roaring, racing water.

  


Fortunately for Tornado, he was an experienced hero, as well as a hyper advanced android, so it was no trouble for him to orient himself to land on his feet after his means of flight was stolen. Unfortunately, he was facing a wizard that could transform the world around him as he saw fit, as the android discovered when the asphalt he landed on gave like mud, forcing his heavy metal body to rapidly sink to his shoulders before the ground suddenly re-hardened, encasing and thoroughly immobilizing the metal hero.

  


“Vexing,” a robotic complaint came from Red Tornado’s head, the only part of him still exposed.

  


However, everyone’s eyes were soon drawn to something else entirely, namely, the racing wall of water, as it was suddenly ripped from its cyclone and began flowing down the street.

  


Harry’s eyebrows raised in surprise at this development.

  


“Foolish boy!” Aquaman’s booming voice bellowed as the magnitude of water raised behind him like a frozen wave, the trident in his hands glowing brilliantly, much like Aquagirl’s tattoos were as she stood at her king’s side. “You think to wield the forces of water in my presence? I am the king of the seas!”

  


“Really?” Harry wryly asked the grandiose superhero. “I would have assumed you were the queen of the drama, personally.”

  


“Oh, good. Make it worse, why don’t you? That’s always a good plan,” Kara remarked to herself in exasperation, grunting as she fought still more of her confused cousin’s random flying attempts.

  


The somewhat pompous lord of Atlantis narrowed his eyes at the insolent wizard while his red-haired protege sputtered in shock.

  


Grinning shamelessly, Harry lifted his wand and raised his focus to the towering wall of water, obviously planning to battle for control of it.

  


The bolt of lightning that suddenly struck his armored torso proved a rather unexpected development.

  


“Hey!” Harry complained indignantly as he staggered back slightly under the force of the attack, the runes across his body armor lighting up with the same teal glow of the mystical lightning bolt. Other than that and the slightly affronted look on his face, though, he seemed completely unaffected. “Wait your turn!”

  


The glare on the face of the red-haired, yellow-clad teen at Aquaman’s side said this was considerably less reaction than she wanted, made clear when the winding tattoos around her arms glowed more brightly as she formed another lightning bolt in her hands.

  


Before she could finish, however, Aquaman made his move.

  


“Face the ocean’s wrath!” he shouted, leveling his glowing trident and sending the massive crush of water racing towards Harry in a roiling wave.

  


“No thank you,” Harry politely declined, waving his wand and creating a semi-transparent curved wall ahead of the racing tidal wave. As the rush of water passed through it, it was transformed into an enormous river of fog.

  


The dense gray fog quickly flowed past Harry and filled the entire street like water rushing to fill a bowl, chilling everyone to the bone and soaking everyone more thoroughly than rain. More importantly, though, it completely blinded everyone trapped within it.

  


In that dense, roiling gray mass, Aquaman’s wordless angry shout reached them as if coming from the end of a long, empty tunnel, followed by a dull metallic clink that seemed to come from everywhere at once, given how it echoed.

  


“ _Gof eb enog!_ ” the League’s master magician, Zatara, shouted out as if to a crowded stadium, and at his magical command, the wet gray mass quickly dissipated. Before it disappeared fully, however, Aquagirl’s irate voice could be heard as well as she shouted angrily.

  


The fog fully lifted to reveal a curious sight.

  


Tula, Aquaman’s sidekick, was dangling upside down as if strung up by her feet, though there was nothing visible holding her. Aquaman, meanwhile, was bereft of a trident, which was impaled in the sidewalk several feet from him. As for the man himself, he was standing inside a thick golden circle drawn on the pavement around him.

  


Somewhat more curiously than that, however, the king of Atlantis looked like he had aged about twenty years, with thinning gray hair, pale, wrinkly skin, and a long, lanky gray beard.

  


“What sorcery is this?!” the man cried in horror as he touched his wizened face with wrinkly, age-spotted hands.

  


“Mine?” Harry suggested cheekily.

  


Growling, the aged king launched himself at the snickering wizard, only to find himself thrown back upon crossing the golden line of his circle. More disturbingly, with a quiet pop, he suddenly aged yet another twenty years, gaining more wrinkles and an even longer lanky white beard, and losing most of the hair on top of his head as a trade-off.

  


“Age lines. Versatile stuff,” Harry remarked in satisfaction, to which the trapped lord of the oceans growled murderously, but impotently. Of course, his protege, the still inverted Aquagirl, remained free to attack even floating upside down as she was, and she quickly got back to work forming another lightning bolt.

  


Her efforts were somewhat impeded when Harry flicked his wand and sent a small bolt of light to strike her bare midriff, causing her to lose concentration as she began laughing hysterically, thrashing in the air and clutching at her stomach as if trying to shield herself from wildly tickling fingers.

  


She didn’t seem to be particularly successful in this attempt. She did manage to throw Harry a rather potent glare, though, made all the more disturbing in contrast to the rest of her unwillingly grinning and hysterically laughing face as his spell continued to tickle her mercilessly, leaving her thoroughly too distracted to cast magic or throw more lightning bolts.

  


As Harry stood there admiring his handiwork, however, the top-hat-wearing Zatara decided to throw another two cents into the mix.

  


“ _Tropelet on erom!_ ” Zatara’s booming stage voice echoed out across the battlefield once again.

  


Harry’s eyes widened as his form flickered, prevented from teleporting by the magician’s spell.

  


More importantly, though, with his attention captured so, he didn’t even seem to notice the golden Lasso of Truth falling over his form.

  


Which made his sudden switching with Wonder Woman just before the lasso tightened around him doubly surprising.

  


Wonder Woman squawked as her own unbreakable lasso bound her arms tightly to her side, her outrage growing even further as Harry tapped his wand to the enchanted rope in his hand and caused it to wrap around her completely as if alive.

  


Everyone stared as he walked up to the downed and struggling heroine and blew a loud raspberry at her, followed by the warrior princess grunting and straining even harder to escape her lasso.

  


Kara seemed to be the only one to notice the runes encircling the soles of his boots lighting up briefly.

  


No one else got much of an opportunity to, though, as with a bloody war cry, Hawkgirl launched herself at Harry’s casual form, her electrified mace held high and her wings spread wide.

  


She wasn’t the only one involved in this particular attack, either, as a similarly shouting Wonder Girl was hard on her heels.

  


In response, Harry switched places with the winged Thanagarian, once again completely ignoring the now flabbergasted Zatara’s restriction as he placed himself directly in the path of the young Amazon.

  


“ _Depulso_ ,” he incanted, banishing the oncoming warrior off to the side, where she bounced and skidded to a tumbling halt near the still furiously struggling Wonder Woman.

  


“Ares’ pasty ass!” Donna spat as she climbed to her feet. “I hate magic!”

  


However, as the violence-prone and somewhat less than calm Amazon tensed her legs to launch herself back at the wizard she was glaring at so furiously, someone else had something to say.

  


“Donna!” Wonder Woman called out. “A little help?”

  


Blinking, Donna seemed to notice Diana’s bound form for the first time. “Do I have to?”

  


Her sister glared at her.

  


Groaning exaggeratedly, Donna ever so slowly trudged towards her restrained older sister. “You know, getting tied up with your own lasso is pretty humiliating. Maybe it’s a sign you’re getting slow in your old age, losing your edge. Maybe you should think about retirement. I hear Man’s World has this delightful food called ‘jello’. It’s supposed to be really popular amongst people who have grown so old, they’ve lost all their teeth.” She eyed her sister’s face. “Maybe you should give it a try.”

  


Diana’s glare held more heat than a Kryptonian’s. “I hear it is also popular amongst very small children,” she rebutted. “Along with things that are shiny.” Her gaze fell on her younger sister’s uniform, which was jet black and covered with brightly glittering silver stars. A smirk spread across Diana’s face. “You might wish to try it yourself.”

  


Glaring, Donna simply dropped to her knees and began working at removing the lasso. As she did, however, the ground around her suddenly lit up with a flash, leaving a faint afterimage of a strange circle filled with runes in the eyes of those watching.

  


A warrior at heart, Donna’s instincts were to roll away from the sudden and clearly magical event. However, upon trying, she found herself … unable.

  


“My hands are stuck,” she said, frowning and pulling at her hands, which were fixed firmly to the lasso binding her sister’s form. Grunting, she tried to stand. “My knees, too,” she said, her legs just as inexplicably fixed to the ground.

  


Diana growled. “A trap!” she spat, her eyes turning to the wizard responsible. “And I was the _bait_!” she finished in outrage.

  


Donna gave a smug, reflexive chuckle at her perfect sister being reduced to the role of bait for a trap, but it faded almost immediately as she was forced to come to grips with the fact that she had fallen victim to said trap herself. She joined her sister in glaring murderously at the man responsible.

  


“ _Wizards_ ,” she spat.

  


“ _Wizards_ ,” Diana growled with just as much venom, the sisters finally in agreement about something.

  


As this little family moment played out, however, said wizard was a bit busy dealing with a bloodthirsty Thanagarian wielding a damn big mace crackling with electricity.

  


He leaped backwards as she struck at him, her heavy mace cracking the pavement where he had stood as he floated out of the way, a faint glimmer of light fading from the runes encircling the soles of his boots.

  


Interestingly, though, a faint circle of identically glowing runes briefly flared with light and just as quickly faded around the crater made by Hawkgirl’s mace, an event Harry seemed rather intrigued by.

  


When he looked up, his gaze fell on the strange mace in Hawkgirl’s hand, and his expression was surprised.

  


Just then, however, Martian Manhunter rose like a ghost from the pavement behind Harry. Reaching out, the shapeshifter extended four clawed green arms to restrain the wizard, evidently ignoring the outraged expression on Hawkgirl’s face at someone intervening in what she considered her fight.

  


To the martian’s apparent shock, however, his arms passed though Harry’s form as the latter transformed himself into billowing black smoke and immediately blew past and behind the green-skinned hero.

  


As J’onn J’onzz whirled about to face him, Harry’s form half emerged from the smoke, and he shot a silent blue spell at the shapeshifter. In a move Kara fully expected from the shapeshifter, the martian immediately went intangible, causing the spell to pass through his body as if he wasn’t even there.

  


Of course, this also put Hawkgirl in the spell’s path, but she simply batted it aside with her nth metal and exceptionally magic-resistant mace.

  


Harry nodded as if in confirmation upon witnessing this. However, the Martian Manhunter still posed a more immediate threat.

  


This time, when the martian lunged at Harry to grab him, Harry didn’t move. At least, not until the shapeshifter grabbed his shoulders, proving he was corporeal. When he did, Harry simply tapped him on the forehead with his wand.

  


The stone-faced hero immediately fell to his knees and began drooling as he stared at nothing.

  


“Daydreaming charm,” Harry cheerfully explained to the unresponsive martian. “Avast, ye matey!”

  


While several of the other Leaguers looked at the vegetative J’onn in concern, Hawkgirl simply flew over him and threw herself back at Harry with another war cry, apparently eager to continue her assault. To the surprise of both Kara and Shayera, however, Harry didn’t back away. Instead, he lifted his left arm and let the sparking mace land with a loud, heavy gong on a burnished silver shield emblazoned with a great horned serpent identical to the one in Kara’s new tattoo.

  


Hawkgirl clearly wasn’t expecting such a martial response from the magic-user, leaving her open for Harry to shoulder check her with the shield, sending her staggering back. However, as Harry stepped towards her reeling form, he suddenly leaned backwards to avoid a trick arrow fired at him from the right by the team’s emerald archer.

  


“What? She’s the only one who gets a piece?” Green Arrow asked with a chortle as he nocked another arrow.

  


In response, Harry simply flicked his wand and transformed the man’s bow into a hissing snake.

  


Green Arrow gave a completely manly scream as he hurled the snake away from him, and he fled in a totally tactical and in no way terrified manner when it immediately went after him.

  


His flight picked up in pace after he sliced the enchanted snake in half with a throwing knife, only for the two halves to reform into two identical snakes that continued chasing him.

  


Harry, meanwhile, was busy contending with a Thanagarian wielding an electrified mace that negated magic, and she seemed rather enthusiastic in its use as she repeatedly hammered at him with a mixture of practiced skill and simple brute force. As she did, Zatara used this opportunity to begin his backward spellcasting once again, this time causing the concrete under Harry’s feet to rise up like roots to entangle his legs, or turning the air around him to jelly to restrain him, trying to leave him open for Hawkgirl’s attack.

  


Harry demonstrated impressive skill with a shield, aptly deflecting every blow from the warrior. At the same time, however, he also smoothly countered the magician’s spellwork. The runes on his boots flared with light, causing the concrete roots to turn to dust, and the wand in his hand twirled as he slid it through the entrapping air like a knife through a silk curtain, unraveling the enchantment as he spun out of the way of the shouting Thanagarian’s attack.

  


What really raised Kara’s eyebrows, though, was when he suddenly counterattacked with a bejeweled silver sword in place of his wand.

  


Hawkgirl’s eyes widened at the sudden appearance of the kingly weapon, and the practiced and experienced manner with which the wizard wielded it. Suddenly on the defensive, Shayera made heavy use of her natural wings as she desperately dodged and flew back from his flurry of attacks, his much lighter weapon allowing him to attack far more quickly than she could effectively parry with her considerably heavier mace, especially since she lacked armor or even a shield herself to compensate.

  


Back and forth they went, Harry’s sword lashing out in quick, surgical strikes that the experienced Thanagarian warrior only barely deflected or avoided, while she retaliated with blows from her mace. In response, her opponent smoothly deflected them with his shield or simply leaned out of their way, the comparatively cumbersome blows from the heavier weapon too easy to predict and counter with both a shield and a sword available to him. As they continued, the difference in the weight and speed of their weapons became more and more damning for the Thanagarian as she was forced completely onto the defensive, straining more and more to deflect Harry’s lightning-quick sword strikes with nothing more than the haft of her mace.

  


Finally, Harry lashed out with his shield just as she was performing such a desperate parry, and with a pained cry, Hawkgirl found her mace tumbling free of her nerveless fingers, pain spider-webbing up and down her wrist where the heavy metal edge of the shield had caught her.

  


Just then, however, Harry was suddenly enclosed in a brilliant emerald sphere of energy.

  


“What do you think you’re doing, Stewart?!” Hawkgirl demanded in a fury at her fight being interrupted, massaging her sharply bruised wrist as she retrieved her mace.

  


“Taking him in,” Green Lantern explained as if to a small child, lifting Harry in his solid light construct. “We’re not duelists, Shayera. We’re the Justice League.”

  


Her glare promised severe retaliation for his interference, a threat he clearly took seriously, given how he oh so casually floated Harry in between him and her, passing the imprisoned Harry over various incapacitated Leaguers, including an unconscious Black Canary.

  


Kara did a double-take upon spotting Dinah’s prone form, given that the last she had seen her, the blonde hero had been cut free from Harry’s restraints, and Harry hadn’t attacked her since. At least, not that she’d noticed.

  


“What is this stuff?” Harry asked curiously as he lightly knocked on the inside of his green prison, his silver shield and ruby-encrusted sword gone as if they had never been.

  


“Pure willpower,” Green Lantern explained smugly. “You’re not going anywhere.”

  


Once again, Harry exhibited no concern despite being in what should most definitely be a concerning situation.

  


“Drawing energy from your ring, and then shaping it with your imagination and force of will?” he interpreted, tapping on his prison once more as he eyed the beam of light coming from the other man’s bulky ring. “Sounds kinda like transfiguration to me.”

  


John Stewart grew very still as he looked at the grinning wizard in concern.

  


“Oh, this can’t be good,” Zatanna commented as she watched him touch his wand to the side of his prison.

  


As if her words were prophetic, Green Lantern suddenly began grunting in strain as Harry’s face took on a look of concentration, the green light of the construct around him rippling as he fought to override Stewart’s will and reshape it with his own.

  


Everyone watched in utter silence, afraid to do anything that might disturb one or the other as the battle of wills went on. Sweat began to pour down John Stewart’s face as he strained like he never had before to maintain control over his construct. Groaning, he used his left hand to brace his ring-bearing and shaking right arm, muscles and veins popping out as he fought.

  


Harry, by contrast, seemed almost peaceful. His head was lowered and his eyes closed, appearing almost meditative as the light of the construct around him rippled furiously around his left hand and the tip of the wand in his right. In fact, excepting the slight furrow of focus between his eyebrows, this was the most tranquil Kara had yet seen the fun-loving and chaos-wreaking trickster.

  


“ _H-h-how … is this … possible?_ ” Green Lantern panted in desperate, heaving breaths. Sweat poured down his face, and his jaw was clenched so tightly, he was in real danger of cracking a tooth, but he didn’t pay attention to any of that. His focus was solely on the impossibility he was fighting—someone seizing control of one of his constructs.

  


For several heartbeats, everything remained that way, unchanging, both locked in a stalemate with neither giving ground to the other.

  


“ _Come on, Harry_ ,” Kara breathed, not even noticing her own words.

  


Harry’s eyes flew open, and their emerald green radiance dwarfed that of the solid willpower imprisoning him.

  


Harry’s hands snapped apart, and the construct around him shattered like a wave crashing on unyielding rock. But he wasn’t done. Twirling his wand like a conductor, he reshaped the broken energy into a form more suited to his purposes.

  


“By Neptune’s beard!” Grandpa Aquaman exclaimed upon spotting the massive green serpent, resembling something closer to a great water dragon than anything as it reared above the battlefield, venomous green eyes locked unwaveringly on John Stewart’s comparatively tiny form.

  


“Oh, shit,” Green Lantern very succinctly put his current situation.

  


With a ground-shaking roar, the hijacked construct attacked.

  


Fortunately for Stewart, he was capable of creating more than one construct with his ring. Unfortunately, the massive serpent tore through the heavy green walls he put up as if they were made of cardboard.

  


From there, Stewart was forced into a fighting retreat, constantly falling back as he hit the transfigured construct with everything he had. Unluckily for him, though, the serpent was still tied to his ring, so he couldn’t exactly outpace it. All he could do was fight to remain free of its massive jaws for a few seconds more, every single second.

  


“Well, he seems good and neutralized, doesn’t he?” Harry observed happily. At that moment, however, Hawkgirl flew at him with another war cry, clearly eager to return to their battle.

  


Harry didn’t bring back the sword and shield. Instead, he simply snapped his wand at her, creating a long, arcing whip of fire that reached out and wrapped tightly around the Thanagarian’s ankle. It didn’t seem to burn her, but they didn’t get much chance to see for certain. With one end still wrapped around the woman’s ankle, Harry cracked the whip, and suddenly, a chickenhawk was left in her place, her heavy metal mace falling to the ground with a loud, metallic clang.

  


Everyone stared in shock and horror at the heroine-turned-animal as the new hawk screeched and flew up into the sky overhead, where it began circling high above all their earthly nonsense.

  


“I guess that means I finally have time to deal with you,” Harry remarked, looking up at Zatara, who was currently floating off the ground on a glowing runic circle.

  


“How did you overcome my spell against teleporting?” Zatara demanded in frustration and confusion. “That magic was sound. It should have held you.”

  


Harry shrugged. “I didn’t overcome it, really. I just ignored it,” he explained to the well-dressed sorcerer. “A ban against teleporting isn’t as comprehensive as you might think.” His sudden grin put one in mind of the Cheshire. “After all, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.” With a snap of his fingers, his grinning form faded to smoke and disappeared.

  


Everyone stared at the spot where he disappeared in yet another clear violation of Zatara’s spell, which was designed to prevent exactly that.

  


With a sudden yelp, Zatara stumbled forward and fell off his floating runic circle, a grinning Harry with an outstretched boot standing behind him.

  


“Dad!” Zatanna exclaimed, running towards him, followed closely by Robin, the two of them the last Mini-Leaguers still standing.

  


Zatara clambered to his feet immediately, but despite his lips moving rapidly in a clear attempt to curse Harry, not a sound could be heard.

  


“Cat got your tongue?” Harry teasingly asked the silenced magician, twirling his wand casually. Before Zatara could do more than scowl furiously, however, Harry raised his wand.

  


“ _Finite_ _incantatum_ ,” he incanted firmly, causing a brief pulse of magic to burst free from his wand, shattering the runic circle under his feet.

  


Cracking his neck, the floating Harry teleported down in front of Zatara.

  


“ _That_ is overcoming your spell,” he clarified for the man.

  


Just then, however, the man’s daughter stepped in as she prepared to carry on the magical battle.

  


“ _Dnib ym eof sa fi ni_ purple helmets make beavers queasy!” Zatana incanted dramatically.

  


Everyone stared at the clearly insane girl.

  


“Uh … Courts of otters sew yellow screaming bundt cakes!” she tried again, grabbing her jaw in confusion at the nonsensical rambling she was making. Eyes widening, she turned and stared at Harry in shock.

  


“Babbling hex,” he explained with an unashamed grin before turning and walking away from the verbally neutralized and rather irate mages.

  


“Everyone likes cheese!” Zatanna yelled after him, stamping her foot furiously.

  


Her silenced father, by contrast, had a bit more than words to share with the other wizard, as he drew a black-and-white show wand from inside his jacket and pointed it at Harry’s back.

  


Kara’s eyes widened as she recognized the artifact, and remembered overhearing Zatara mention to her cousin that he had stored pre-prepared magic in it to use in situations where he couldn’t cast normally, such as now.

  


Just as Kara prepared to call out a warning to Harry, however, the magician’s eyes bulged as the street echoed with the sound of a resounding wooden thud.

  


Everyone stared in shock as the magician crumbled to the ground with a bloody lump on the back of his head … revealing Robin standing behind him.

  


“He was gonna curse ya’,” the inexplicably traitorous boy wonder standing over the magician he had just knocked out explained to Harry in a thick Bostonian accent.

  


Kara’s eyes widened upon registering that last detail. _No way_ …

  


“Yeah, I know he was. In fact, I was counting on it,” Harry told Batman’s protege, who was standing with his hip cocked in a way that no one had ever seen him do, but which seemed familiar regardless. “But thanks,” Harry continued sincerely. “I appreciate that you have my back. Even if it outed you.”

  


Kara felt a twinge of hurt and shame at those words, though this was mostly buried under confusion and shock at what she was seeing … and what she wasn’t.

  


“Yer welcome!” the “boy wonder” replied in a chipper tone and an eminently Harley-esque grin, a similarity that grew even further as the Robin features faded away like a mirage to reveal a grinning jester leaning on her heavy wooden mallet.

  


Kara joined all the rest of the League that was still standing in looking over at the Harley that had been bound and gagged by Robin earlier in the fight. And sure enough, another illusion faded to reveal a squirming and struggling Robin tied up instead.

  


Kara was suddenly struck with realization as she glanced at the inexplicably downed form of Black Canary she had noticed earlier. After Harry had hidden Harley behind an illusion of Robin, she must have managed to get the drop on Dinah when everyone was distracted by Harry.

  


“Hmm … I guess that’s just about everybody, huh?” Harry pondered aloud as he gazed at the devastation around him.

  


With a start, Kara realized he was right. Her cousin Kal was still spastically trying to fly in random directions due to Harry’s confusion spell, only prevented from doing so by her own Kryptonian strength keeping him restrained. Wonder Woman was still tied up with her own lasso, while Donna was magically stuck to the ground next to her, something neither sister seemed particularly thrilled about. Martian Manhunter was still drooling in the street with his mind stuck in lala land as a result of Harry’s daydreaming charm, and the stoned-looking Captain Atom seemed much the same thanks to Harry’s overpowered cheering charm. The Flash was still doing an impressive imitation of a piece of lumber due to his body-binding curse, while his nephew Kid Flash was busy poking his own jelly-like legs and looking ill. Of course, his queasiness clearly had nothing on Captain Marvel, who was still being rapidly teleported back and forth by the blue-glowing stones stuck to his uniform, and going by the vomit-stained asphalt around him, this wasn’t exactly doing wonders for his stomach.

  


Speaking of stomachs, an almost petulant-looking Green Lantern now seemed to be trapped inside the belly of the giant green serpent made from his own commandeered lantern energy, while the upside-down Aquagirl was still cackling and clutching her sides as Harry’s spell continued to tickle her. Next to her, an aged Aquaman remained huddled inside his golden “age line” wearing a sullen, irritated expression that seemed perfectly suited to his new grouchy-old-man face. On the other side of the street, Green Arrow was huddled halfway up a signpost with a tangle of snakes coiled around the base hissing at him, while Red Tornado’s head peered about uselessly above the pavement entrapping the rest of his body.

  


The bird formerly known as “Hawkgirl” was currently MIA, having flown the coop during all the chaos of the fight, though her mace still lay in the street.

  


Compared to all of that madness, the unconscious forms of Robin, Black Canary, and Zatara seemed almost boring and commonplace, and the now silent but otherwise completely unharmed Zatanna downright normal, even huddled next to her downed father and rubbing her jaw as she was.

  


“Wow,” Kara muttered in amazement. “I … guess that really is everybody.” She looked at the wizard she had apparently married last night. “He just took down the entire freaking Justice League,” she tried to process.

  


As for Harry himself, he raised his eyes to where she was still hovering over the battlefield. Still idly twirling his wand through his fingers, he shot her a beaming smile and opened his mouth to say something.

  


Just then, however, Kara’s sharp ears caught a strange, faint sound, like something metal twirling through the air.

  


However, it was the wooden crack that followed that made her blood run ice cold, accompanied as it was by the wand in Harry’s fingers snapping in half.

  


In that moment, everything seemed distant and still, even as she watched the broken half of the wand fall to the pavement with what seemed like an ominously loud clatter, followed by an echoing metallic “chink!” as a sharpened piece of black metal embedded itself in the asphalt nearby.

  


A piece of metal shaped like a bat.

  


Eyes wide, she looked over at the other side of the street, where the tattered remnants of Batman’s animated cape lay in the street twitching fitfully.

  


Batman himself was nowhere in sight … and she only now realized that he hadn’t been for quite some time.

  


As for Harry, he raised the broken half of the pale, knotted length of ancient-looking wood before his wide, astonished eyes.

  


“ _Fuck_ ,” he breathed.

  


A terrified yell made Kara’s head whip to the side just in time to see Harley fall to the pavement bound tightly in black metal cord. As she did, the Dark Knight was revealed, capeless, but still wearing his signature pointed cowl with narrow, glowing white eyes.

  


And now, those pale, merciless orbs weren’t focusing on the wizard that had neutralized his entire team. They were locked on the bound and shaking form of the jester at his feet.

  


… and on the high-powered grappling gun he had pointed directly at Harley’s terrified face.

  


As if in slow motion, she watched Batman squeeze the trigger.

  


With an explosion of compressed gas being released, the heavy metal hook fired at Harley’s face, and instead struck Harry’s bracer as he switched places with her, lighting up several runes around the point of impact as the crouching wizard held his arm in front of his face defensively.

  


As Harry lowered his arm, however, Batman’s other hand came whipping around in a fist that collided painfully with Harry’s face.

  


Harry staggered back, blood already dripping down his chin from his split lip. But Batman didn’t give him time to recover. The capeless Dark Knight immediately launched himself at Harry, only to find their places reversed at the last second.

  


Without hesitating, Batman spun around in a kick directed at Harry’s new position, having clearly expected this maneuver. However, before he could connect, the ground around him lit up with a circle of glowing runes, and he suddenly lifted up into the air, where he began floating helplessly several feet off the ground.

  


As he did, light faded from a similar circle of glowing runes wrapped around the soles of Harry’s boots.

  


… allowing shadows to once again hide the series of small metal balls on the ground near Harry’s feet, dropped by Batman just before Harry switched their places.

  


Before Kara could shout out a warning, Batman pressed a button on his glove, and the metal balls exploded, sending Harry flying with a shout.

  


With another bang, Batman fired the reloaded grappling gun near Harry’s downed, stunned form, embedding the hook in the pavement with a sharp clank. With a mechanical whir, the Caped Crusader was freed from his floating trap as the cord rapidly retracted, sending him hurtling straight towards Harry, who was now on his feet and looking annoyed as he raised a hand towards the Bat.

  


Before the wandless wizard could do anything, however, Kara’s sharp ears heard the faint click of another button being pressed by the oncoming hero, causing Harry to reel in surprise as a cloud of green smoke exploded in his face, released by a small metal casing stuck to the collar of his armor when the quick-handed Batman punched him.

  


Before the hacking and coughing wizard could recover, Batman was on him. As the retracting cord yanked him within striking distance, the martial artist combined its momentum with his own strength as he lashed out in a spinning kick that absolutely exploded against Harry’s gas-clouded face.

  


With another shout, Harry was sent painfully bouncing and rolling down the pavement. As he did, though, he once again half turned himself into roiling black smoke, gaining control of his tumble and floating off the ground in a half-incorporeal state as his glowing green eyes glared at the Bat.

  


He didn’t seem to notice the small line of blood trailing down his cheek from what looked like a small puncture wound where Batman had kicked him.

  


A puncture wound as if from a needle built into the sole of a boot.

  


All of a sudden, Harry’s eyes seemed to have trouble focusing. Shaking his head, he raised a half-incorporeal hand to his temple as he started to feel the effects of some unknown drugs spread throughout his system.

  


With a woozy look on his face, Harry’s form gradually re-solidified, returning the staggering wizard to the ground, while his hand lowered to the small wound on his face, bringing lightly blood-stained fingers in front of his eyes.

  


Batman wasn’t finished with him, though. With the sound of arcing electricity, the infamous gadget-user pounded two sparking, electrified fists together as he activated his high-voltage shock gloves.

  


When he launched himself at Harry’s slightly wavering form, he didn’t do so with a bloodthirsty shout, or with threats and promises. He did so in stony, determined silence, as if every fiber of his being was focused solely on taking his opponent down, leaving no room left for anything else.

  


This obsessively focused silence was far more chilling than any war cry could ever be.

  


And it was this very same silence that Harry displayed himself as Batman lashed out in a crushing, sparking blow at Harry’s face … only for his electrified fist to be caught by Harry’s unyielding hand with the smack of flesh and the sizzle of burnt skin.

  


Batman immediately lashed out with his other fist, but it too was caught, held unflinchingly and absolutely unyieldingly in Harry’s other palm, even as smoke rose from where the sparking, electrified glove scorched and blackened the skin of Harry’s fingers.

  


All the while, the snarling Dark Knight glared at the wizard with the merciless, inhuman white eyes of his mask. But in that moment, they paled in comparison to Harry’s venomous green ones.

  


Leveraging Harry’s unyielding grip, Batman lifted his feet and kicked Harry’s chest. When he did, however, the runes of Harry’s armor that were still glowing as a result of Aquagirl’s earlier attack suddenly released their stored energy in a blast that sent the Dark Knight flying backwards to land heavily on the pavement, while the wizard simply stood there, unaffected.

  


Immediately flipping into a roll, the master martial artist regained his feet almost immediately, already spinning and hurling another contraption at Harry.

  


With a raised hand from the wizard, however, all of that stopped. The crimefighter froze, forced absolutely motionless by the other’s power, as was the airborne freeze grenade that was already halfway to its target.

  


Raising his hand, Harry floated the telekinetically immobilized crimefighter off the pavement. As he did, below Harry’s steely green eyes, one of the corners of his mouth quirked in a faint smile.

  


“Jackass,” he said, snapping his fingers.

  


When he finally lowered his hand, what struck the pavement was no longer a man dressed like a bat.

  


It was a donkey.

  


Silence reigned throughout the street at this sight, broken only by a loud braying from the newly made jackass.

  


As he gazed at his new creation, the tension in Harry’s face gradually bled away, replaced once again by his default teasing smile and a mischievous glimmer in his eyes as he twirled his pale, knotted wand through his fingers, inexplicably whole once again.

  


“Not bad,” he judged the now donkey-shaped crimefighter’s efforts. “For a pure muggle, anyway,” he added with a shrug as he waved his restored wand at Harley’s bound form, releasing her. Turning, he faced another part of the street. “What do you guys think?” he called out, gesturing to the entire street-full of madness and chaos. “How’d I do?”

  


Turning to where he was looking, Kara was startled to see his family still standing where they had left them. Honestly, in all the chaos, she had completely forgotten about them.

  


In an interesting mixture of shock, amusement, and exasperation, she noticed that they were holding tubs of popcorn and other such snacks, apparently having been standing there calmly watching the show all along.

  


In response to Harry’s question, however, the still idly munching Sirius pointed his wand skyward. A pair of bright golden ribbons flowed out of it, rapidly twisting into a 10.

  


“Fair, fair,” the exceedingly humble Harry graciously accepted the perfect score.

  


“Oh, for the love of Rao,” Kara muttered, rolling her eyes in exasperation at their ridiculousness.

  


Next in line was Remus. After a moment’s consideration, he conjured a bright, golden 8.5.

  


“Unreasonable, but expected,” Harry slightly less graciously accepted. “Fuddy-duddy.”

  


Narrowing his eyes, Remus immediately dropped his score to an 8.

  


Rolling his eyes, Harry turned to the last one in line. “And Tonks, my favorite cousin! By the way, have I mentioned how beautiful you are lately?” he shamelessly brown-nosed.

  


The flat look she gave him over the large bubble she blew with her gum said his efforts were less than successful. Lifting her own wand, she conjured a–

  


“A _six_? A bloody _SIX_?!” Harry complained in outrage. “That’s total bull and you know it!”

  


In response, Tonks simply smirked and shrugged at him.

  


“Oh, we are going to have words about this later, I promise you!” the fuming teen vowed, turning back to the incapacitated League in disgust.

  


“A bloody _six_ ,” he repeated quietly in a deeply offended tone. However, he was quickly distracted by Harley as the jester threw herself at him in an enthusiastic tackle-hug, making him stagger.

  


“Holy crap-snacks!” she exclaimed to him. “You took down the whole friggin’ League!”

  


“Well, I don’t know what kind of jail cells they use, but I somehow doubted they would have made a decent honeymoon destination,” he told the girl, casually waving his wand at Kal, who Kara had almost forgotten she was still holding on to at this point. She nervously released him as he began shaking his head groggily, she assumed due to Harry ending the confusion spell he had been held under.

  


Determined not to let another pointless fight break out, she floated down near Harry and Harley, prepared to stop her cousin if he tried to start things up again.

  


“Oh, that’s right! It’s our honeymoon!” Harley realized, both her and Harry apparently unconcerned as Superman descended to the ground, shaking his head one last time as his eyes cleared. Kara, by contrast, was keeping a close eye on her cousin.

  


“You’s gonna be gettin’ so laid tonight,” Harley purred at Harry, walking her fingers up his collar.

  


Kara whipped her head around so quickly, she got a crick in her neck.

  


“You’re going to be in jail cells tonight,” Superman interrupted, bracing his feet and clearly preparing for another round.

  


“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” Kara exclaimed, walking over and poking her cousin in the chest. “Enough! This crap has gone on for too long! No more!”

  


“Harley Quinn is a wanted fugitive! A notorious criminal!” Kal argued, pointing at the jester wrapping herself even more tightly around her wizard. “She belongs in jail.”

  


“Yeah, but I’m good now! Hones’, Big Blue!” Harley argued as she clutched Harry. “Cross my heart an’ hope ta die an’ all that! I’ll even pinky swear ya’ on it if ya’ want!” She smiled tremulously as she extended a shaking hand with a raised pinky.

  


Superman’s stony, uncompromising glare only intensified, somehow unmollified by the jester’s offer. “You’re a wanted criminal,” he repeated slowly and firmly. “We can’t simply ignore that just because you say you’re good now, even if we had any reason to believe you, which we don’t.” The hero’s frigid stare turned to Harry. “And as for the magic-user–”

  


He cut off abruptly as Harry gave a sigh and reluctantly peeled Harley off him, much to her pouting displeasure, as well as a measure of visible nervousness, given how she darted behind him and peeked at Superman over his shoulder.

  


“Listen, Captain Underpants,” Harry told the hero wearing red underwear on the outside of his costume, much to Kara’s exasperation, Harley’s amusement, and Kal’s distinct _lack_ of amusement, “I’ll admit, I’ve had a gay old time of things up to this point.” Harry gestured to the wasteland of insanity and incapacitated Leaguers. “Your people are a lot of fun to mess with, what with how the whole lot of you seems utterly determined to take the world as seriously as freaking possible. Plus, I’ll admit, you guys have some pretty decent power, and that always makes for an interesting fight. But if you keep pushing things, I’m gonna put away the kid spells and start getting serious. If that’s what blows your skirt up, then by all means, let’s have at it. But I’ll warn you now, you’re not going to like how things turn out. That’s just a fact.”

  


“In otha’ words, bring it, Supes! We’ll kick yer red-and-blue butt!” Harley aptly and cockily summarized, though still poking her head around Harry’s shoulders to do so.

  


Pausing, Harry shrugged and nodded. “What she said,” he agreed.

  


As they finished, Superman simply stared silently, turning from the wizard in front of him, to the wanted criminal he was protecting, and finally to his annoyed and nervous cousin, who was inexplicably taking their side.

  


“You’re dangerous,” Superman accused Harry.

  


“Very. And more than a little stubborn, too,” he shamelessly confirmed. “But I can also be reasonable,” he added. “ _If_ people are willing to work with me.” He turned and waved his wand at the demolished street, and the variously neutralized or imprisoned Leaguers scattered throughout it. Before their eyes, damage started repairing, scorch marks started disappearing, and all the myriad signs of the mighty battle that had just taken place there began to fade away like a forgotten dream.

  


More importantly, all the trapped or incapacitated members of the Justice League started to be freed or otherwise restored. Captain Marvel stopped being teleported by the stones now dropping free of his uniform, though the shaky and thoroughly sick hero still collapsed weakly to the ground. The upside-down Aquagirl was released from the magic stringing her up, and though pained laughs still weakly escaped her throat, the spell that had been tickling her seemed to have stopped.

  


A bird perched on top of a streetlight even transformed back into Hawkgirl, who promptly tipped over and fell to the ground with a shout in her ensuing disorientation.

  


All over the street, similar scenes played out as magically imprisoned heroes de-aged, or were un-paralyzed, or were released from enormous green snakes made out of hijacked willpower energy. Even the unconscious heroes began to stir as Harry continued to move his wand like a conductor, each undone spell or repaired street lamp or healing crater seeming like pieces of his symphony.

  


Eventually, the only signs of the battle that still remained in the street were the assembled Leaguers. Some of them were still faintly groaning from whatever Harry had done to incapacitate them, but all of them were freed and restored.

  


Except for the jackass formerly known as Batman.

  


“Ahem,” Kara pointedly coughed, nodding towards the somewhat less than League-worthy donkey.

  


“Oh, right,” Harry said as if he had forgotten.

  


With a wave of his wand, a cape and cowl appeared on the bemused donkey.

  


Kara simply glared at him, unimpressed, if not completely unamused.

  


Sighing reluctantly, Harry gave a final wave with his wand, making Batman reappear with a faint pop. He even removed the strangle-your-wearer enchantment on the man’s cape while he was at it, too.

  


“Like I said,” Harry continued telling Superman, “I can be reasonable.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “But that particular quality goes out the window when the people I care about are threatened.” His left arm reached out and gently wrapped around Harley’s waist, earning a beaming smile from the now starry-eyed girl.

  


Kara, meanwhile, felt an unpleasant writhing sensation in her gut that most certainly couldn’t be jealousy. Absolutely not.

  


As for the other Kryptonian present, he gave Harry a hard look, along with the wanted criminal at his side, before turning and staring out at the restored street, and more importantly, the casually freed Leaguers that filled it.

  


His eyes said that he got the message the wizard was sending with that particular act. He had taken them all down almost single-handedly, and he was setting them all free again because he knew he could do it a second time if he needed to. And if they went after him or Harley again, wanted criminal or not, then he would. And they might end up with more than stomach-aches and a bit of dizziness to deal with next time.

  


“I guess I can understand that,” Superman told Harry, his eyes still hard, but the rest of his features softening.

  


Slightly.

  


“I can become fairly unreasonable too when the people I care about are endangered,” Superman added, eyeing Kara, who still seemed inexplicably tied to the wizard and the criminal.

  


“I can certainly respect that,” Harry said, clearly catching the hero’s implicit threat. A new understanding made, Harry extended his hand to shake.

  


Superman hesitated, but finally—reluctantly—clasped the wizard’s hand.

  


If his grip was a little crushing, well, it was difficult managing Kryptonian strength sometimes.

  


Kal also pointedly ignored the silent glare from several of the other Leaguers at this clear cease-fire, Batman especially.

  


They didn’t have a chance to be upset for long, though.

  


Out of nowhere, the street behind the lot of them suddenly lit up with a blinding beam of thrumming golden energy, causing many of the Justice League members to aim their weapons at Harry, including Superman, who immediately backed away and began to activate his heat vision as he glared at the wizard.

  


After a moment, however, the golden light faded, revealing a massive army of … well, monsters seemed to be the only term that fit.

  


There were hulking giants covered in horn-riddled gray skin that stomped around on four limbs as thick as large tree trunks. There were smaller, man-sized creatures that seemed all spines and blades. There were tiny creatures that were half gnashing teeth and half bulging eyes. Every combination of features imaginable seemed to be present somewhere in the dense mass of creatures.

  


And they were all snarling and staring at the League, none of whom seemed surprised, or failing that, only seemed surprised that they were surprised.

  


“… You guys didn’t all show up here en masse because of the three of us, did you?” Harry asked Superman as he surveyed the newly arrived army.

  


“No, we didn’t,” Superman muttered, clearly kicking himself. “We came here because we received intel about … well, something like this.” His mouth twisted in annoyance. “I guess we all just got caught up in things and … forgot.”

  


Behind the slobbering, snarling army of creatures, another wide golden beam of light appeared, which faded away to reveal another dense crush of monsters.

  


“ _Sweet Rao_ ,” Kara breathed as she took in the sight of the army.

  


“ _Awww_ _w_ ,” Harley cooed as she gazed wide-eyed at some of snarling, nightmarish creatures as if they were puppies.

  


Harry snorted as he cracked his neck and hefted his wand, watching another wide golden beam deposit still more creatures before the still shaky and now nervous-looking Justice League.

  


“I guess I get to show you just how reasonable I can be even sooner than I thought,” he remarked to Superman as he prepared to fight alongside the very same group he just so thoroughly trounced.

  


“How lame,” he added as an afterthought.


	4. Well this should be a blast!

Across the newly restored Las Vegas boulevard, rapidly emptied of civilians since the arrival of its latest ill-mannered tourists, a chorus of snarls and clicks and howls echoed maddeningly like the shrieks of the damned, an overwhelming crush of monsters filling the street with horrifying numbers and sheer, ruthless _presence_.

  


“Damn,” Green Arrow muttered, twirling his goatee with a slightly shaky finger, “I shoulda’ brought an extra quiver.”

  


“Yeah, that would have made all the difference here,” Kara muttered a bit louder than she intended, resulting in the archer flashing her a slightly pale but indignant look.

  


“Steady, League,” Superman called out reassuringly, floating higher above the ground as some of his more earthbound teammates shifted their feet on the restored asphalt, preparing to launch themselves into battle no matter how terribly the enemy outnumbered them.

  


And then one flippant voice sounded out across the street.

  


“Wait, are no more coming? I was hoping for more of a challenge after playing around with you lot.”

  


Kara wasn’t alone in shooting Harry a flabbergasted look at those words, and at the utterly relaxed and casual tone behind them even as the wizard stared out across a near sea of monsters filling the street like tuna in a can. In fact, she could swear that several of the monsters even looked taken aback at the trickster’s words.

  


“Well … I guess these will just have to do, then,” he graciously decided, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

  


Evidently, the slavering army of monsters took offense at these words, just as they clearly lacked healthy tools to express this. So they instead resorted to surging towards the wizard, and the rest of the League around him, like a bloodthirsty tidal wave filled with gnashing teeth and bulging eyes.

  


Unlike their mad rush, Harry stepped forward calmly, gently sweeping his wand around him as he did. From the wand’s tip, a wave of roiling fire trailed, rapidly enveloping his entire form like a curtain before the fiery mass rocketed into the air over the monstrous army. As Kara watched, eyes wide and disbelieving, that mass of roaring red fire shifted, taking on the wings and talons of some great, terrible bird of prey that even now stared down at the pitifully small army before it, fiery eyes wide.

  


And _ravenous_.

  


“ _Elder gods, protect us_ ,” the tuxedo-clad Zatara whispered, voice drenched in horror as he stared at the construct of living hellfire brought to life overhead.

  


Of course, someone else apparently had very different feelings about this display.

  


“Wow, that’s hot!”

  


Kara felt an almost irrepressible urge to face-palm at Harley’s delighted exclamation, and at the girl’s starry-eyed look of wonder as she stared up at the hellish construct hanging over their heads.

  


With the roaring shriek of an inferno, the colossal bird struck, swooping down and crashing into the back of the howling bestial army, splashing into pieces like a statue crafted of lava. But as Harry was unveiled in its burning wreckage, twirling his wand with a mixture of artful grace and absolute precision, the fiery shards shifted, taking on the form of snarling predatory beasts that fell upon the surrounding monsters with a savage fury that far outstripped the monsters’ own. For all their numbers, the gray-skinned beasts could do nothing more than shriek and flee from the fiery onslaught, scrambling to outpace their fellows even as they collapsed into ash under the claws and fangs and talons of the burning horde.

  


Of course, seeing as the wizard and his new menagerie were laying into the monsters from behind, that meant his fleeing victims only had one way to go.

  


Regardless of the colorful superheroes standing in their path.

  


“HOW WAS THIS HELPFUL?!” Kid Flash yelled out in more than a little panic as the horde of monsters swept forward, now driven by not only bloodlust, but sheer terror at the fiery legion steadily tearing through them.

  


At that sound, Kara realized she had been simply been floating there, staring almost dazedly at the black-haired wizard as he swept his hands back and forth, dictating the ebb and flow of the burning horde at his command as sweat lightly beaded on his forehead. As she looked more closely, she noticed that his brilliant green eyes practically bored into the fiery creatures, narrowed in a kind of burning intensity Kara had never seen befor–

  


With a yelp, she flinched back from a bolt of silver light as it streaked past her cheek to bury itself in the chest a gray-skinned monster just a foot away from pouncing on her, only to fall to the ground twitching at her feet as blood pooled from the gaping wound in its chest.

  


“Come on, blondie! This ain’t a spectator sport!” the pink-haired Tonks shouted out, an eager smile on her face as she twirled her wand, sending another silver bolt of light into the slavering horde.

  


Blushing furiously, Kara deliberately avoided looking anywhere near where Harry was continuing his fiery onslaught and instead launched herself into the fray, dodging a yellow blur in the form of Kid Flash as he literally ran circles around one of the larger gray-skinned beasts, pelting it with a veritable hailstorm of punches in the process. Flying over Harley as well, who was almost manically laying into a cadre of the blade-encrusted human-sized monsters with her oversized mallet, Kara slammed into one of the massive, hulking monsters with all the force of a train.

  


It flinched.

  


Slightly.

  


Eyes wide, she darted back in time to avoid a wild blow from a leg the size of a tree trunk, swooping back in to lay another colossally strong punch on the creature’s almost rubbery hide, to similarly underwhelming effect.

  


_Shock absorption_ , she realized, darting higher into the sky to avoid the monster’s retaliatory strike. _They came prepared_.

  


With a smirk, she inhaled deeply before expelling a breath as cold as the depths of Kryptonian winter. As she watched, the monster’sstone gray skin was soon encased in ice that began cracking before her eyes. With a shout, she landed a third blow on the creature’s frozen body. With a tinkling burst, the hideous new ice sculpture shattered under the force of the hit.

  


“Absorb that,” she goaded. Even before the shards all hit the ground, however, a living river of rushing water swept through the frozen remains, only to swing them back around into the horde of monsters, crushing them with the force of the current as the massive shards of ice sliced into them like blades.

  


“Nice one, Tula!” Kara yelled out, hurling herself at another opponent.

  


“Not bad yourself!” the red-haired sidekick of Aquaman shouted back, tattoos glowing brilliantly as she used Atlantean magic to combat the raging horde.

  


“Can we save the compliments for after we defeat the army of monsters, please?!” the well-dressed but clearly nervous-looking Zatanna asked, hands glowing as she caught her breath to continue spellcasting.

  


“What, you can’t multi-task?” Robin asked, flipping and dodging with all the grace of years of experience as the Boy Wonder pelted the horde with sharpened wing-dings and a veritable arsenal of freeze grenades, gas bombs, and virtually every non-lethal contraption one could think of, and quite a few that they wouldn’t.

  


“Not when fighting for my life, I can’t!” the comparatively inexperienced Zatanna yelled back, hastily dodging a strike from one of the creatures before belting out a rushed incantation, binding the creature in chains that brought the thrashing creature to the ground hard.

  


“Don’t worry, rookie! Some more practice will take care of that!” Donna Troy informed her, eyes gleaming in pleasure as she practically danced her way through the horde, silver sword flashing in the sun as it sliced and pierced her opponents with all the precision of an artist at work.

  


“Oh, well, at least I have that to look forward to!” Zatanna yelled back frazzledly, once again entering the fray while chanting with a speed that would make an auctioneer jealous as she hurled spells left and right.

  


“Supergirl!”

  


Kara’s head whipped up to see her cousin Kal floating overhead. “You and the other sidekicks need to get out of here!” Kara’s eyes bulged in outrage at her cousin’s words, and even over the clamor of battle, she heard several of the aforenamed “sidekicks” make sounds of indignation or complaint. “This is a lot more serious than we thought it would be, and we can’t deal with this while worrying about all of you! Pull back and let us handle it!”

  


With that, he flew back into the fray without a backwards glance.

  


“… Well, screw that!” Kid Flash exclaimed, jumping right back into the fight without a moment’s hesitation.

  


After a quick look, most of the others shrugged and agreed with the speedster’s blunt but apt sentiment, ignoring Superman’s order and continuing the fight, though some, like Zatanna and Tula, seemed somewhat uncertain about doing so, likely out of fear of disobeying the wishes of their father and their king, respectively.

  


Harley Quinn, of course, hadn’t even slowed down in her constant assault on the creatures, and barely even seemed to notice Superman’s arrival or the others around her, despite Robin in particular continually shooting her suspicious glances.

  


Kara, meanwhile, was _pissed_.

  


Once again, her perfect, overbearing cousin was trying to hide her away and place her on a shelf like a glass figurine, completely ignoring how she was _not_ a child and she had the _exact same powers as him!_ The entire League just refused to see what she and the others could do, working with them one minute and then casting them aside the next as soon as it became convenient for them.

  


But they weren’t children. And they weren’t sidekicks!

  


They were _heroes_!

  


They just needed a chance to prove it!

  


As Kara let her anger and frustration well up inside her, her eyes smoked and burned, beginning to glow brighter and brighter as she built up her power. Until finally, with a roar, she released all of it.

  


Monsters howled as her heat vision scorched through them, each beam as thick around as a column as they swept back and forth across the horde, disintegrating everything they touched as members of the League and her fellow “sidekicks” leaped back in alarm.

  


And then one of the monsters deliberately threw itself in front of her attack.

  


Shocked at the sight, Kara paused, eyes fixed on the apparently suicidal monster even as her heat vision continued to bore into it.

  


Only it didn’t die.

  


Instead, the countless spines rising from its back and arms took on a brilliant blue glow that burned brighter and brighter under the strength of her attack. Snarling viciously, monster raised its claws, firing a blinding beam of energy fueled by her own power, which she watched race towards her with widened eyes.

  


When it struck her, though, she didn’t feel searing pain like she expected. Instead, she felt nauseous, like the world was spinning wildly around her and she couldn’t tell up from down, all while something wrapped tightly around her and blinded her eyes.

  


Just as she started wildly tearing at whatever was trying to imprison her, however, a voice sounded in her ear.

  


“You know, call me crazy, but one would almost think you were upset,” Harry’s voice teased.

  


With that, she stopped clawing at what she now realized were arms wrapped around her middle, and with the end of her thrashing, the nearly weightless silver cloak finally slid free of her face.

  


Once again blushing in embarrassment, Kara disentangled herself from the rest of his cloak and righted herself in the air.

  


“I had that totally under control,” she informed him, straightening her cape as she just so happened to avoid eye contact with the amused-looking trickster.

  


Raising an eyebrow, Harry leaned to the side and looked over her shoulder at her previous attacker. “Clearly,” he remarked, a chuckle in his voice.

  


Turning around, Kara realized it had gone eerily quiet since Harry had apparently pulled her out of the way of that monster’s attack, and as she turned astonished eyes on what moments ago was a pitched battle, she realized why.

  


“What in Rao’s name is this?” Kara breathed, staring slack-jawed at the army of monsters and Leaguers standing motionless in the street like so many statues.

  


“Froze time,” Harry answered simply, before pausing. “Well, _sidestepped_ time would actually be more accurate.”

  


Speechless, Kara floated up and studied the frozen beam of sapphire energy that the spine-riddled energy-absorbing monster had fired at her, all the way up to where it suddenly terminated in mid-air, surrounded by what looked like the remains of an explosion.

  


Turning back to Harry, she noticed him rubbing his back with a slight grimace, and she saw that a number of the runes carved across his armor had lit up with the same sapphire glow as the blast.

  


He hadn’t simply pulled her out of the way of the hit after all. He had taken it for her.

  


“It’s fine,” he assured her as guilt flooded through her. “Believe me, I’ve gotten worse from one of Sirius’ less-thought-out pranks.”

  


At those words, his eyes dropped to the army below them. Following his gaze, she saw the motionless form of his godfather fighting next to Black Canary and Red Tornado. And from the looks of things, spellcasting wasn’t the only thing on the wizard’s mind, as the toothy grin on his face and the way he was looking at Canary made it clear he had been flirting heavily with the fishnet-wearing blonde, just as her paused eye-roll showed that he wasn’t getting very far.

  


And maybe it was her imagination, but even Red Tornado seemed exasperated with the man, which was rather impressive given the android’s completely emotionless face and presumed inability to feel exasperation in the first place.

  


“How are you doing this?” Kara asked in wonder, flying over to her floating cousin and waving a hand back in forth in front of his face before making several faces of her own at the bastard. “And if you say ‘magic’, I will hurt you,” she added, looking over her shoulder to spot a crestfallen look on the wizard’s face.

  


“Party pooper,” he complained, floating over to her. “But if you want a more _boring_ answer,” he continued with a pout, “then I’m doing it with these.”

  


As he pointed at his boots, she looked down and noticed that the boots in question were giving off a golden light from dozens of brightly glowing runes.

  


“In my world, we have certain devices for controlling time,” he explained. “They were called time-turners, and they harnessed the actual Sands of Time to let a person travel hours into the past. And, for some inexplicable reason, they were sometimes loaned out to schoolchildren who wanted to take more classes than was physically possible, because _obviously_ , handing a time machine over to a nerdy teenager is the only logical solution there.”

  


Kara’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hair.

  


“And, um … well, I don’t want to bore you with the details, but sometimes, even the most diligent of students can lose things, and … well, other people might find those things and … forget to give them back,” Harry answered evasively.

  


“You mean you stole it?” Kara asked flatly, even as the corners of her lips quirked up in amusement.

  


“‘Indefinitely borrowed’ would also be an acceptable interpretation,” he replied with a cheeky grin.

  


She rolled her eyes and chuckled. “And so that’s what these are? One of those … time-turners?” she asked, looking at the glowing boots.

  


“Oh, no. I made these myself,” he answered proudly. “After a series of _exceedingly_ careful and controlled experiments with a forcibly shared time-turner, of course.”

  


She gave him a disbelieving look. “Really? You? ‘Careful and controlled experiments’?”

  


Harry gained a reflective look.

  


* * *

  


**Four years ago**

  


…

  


…

  


…

  


“… What would happen if someone apparated while using a time-turner?”

  


* * *

  


**Present day**

  


“Yep! Totally careful and controlled!” he answered her brightly.

  


Kara couldn’t help but laugh at the clear sound of a lie in his voice.

  


“Oh, that’s where your smile went,” he noted happily. “That’s a relief. When I saw how hard you were glaring at Capes Ahoy here, I was worried it would take us forever to find that thing again.”

  


She blinked at Harry as he floated in front of her perfect cousin and started gently drawing in the air with his wand. “You saw that, huh?” she asked him, watching in confusion and amusement as he drew what looked like a bushy mustache and large round glasses and maneuvered the marker-like drawings until they were an inch away from Kal’s face.

  


“You can’t actually affect anything while time is frozen like this,” he explained upon seeing her quizzical look at what he was doing. “You can only set things up to affect people when time starts moving again.”

  


Looking down, Kara reached out and grabbed her cousin’s frozen cape, only to find the thin stretch of cloth more unyielding than stone, despite her Kryptonian strength.

  


“And yeah, I saw it,” he continued. “Kinda hard to miss when seconds later, you start vaporizing everything in sight.”

  


Looking back at the monstrous army, she winced slightly upon seeing the vast stretches of ash left behind by her attack, almost rivaling Harry’s own on the other side of the army. “I guess I lost control for a minute there, didn’t I?” she asked sheepishly.

  


“Only if you didn’t actually _mean_ to fry some monsters,” Harry’s bodiless voice replied. “And if you didn’t, then I think we have a much bigger problem here.”

  


After looking around, she finally spotted the wizard near the ground, apparently giving Batman the same treatment he had given Superman.

  


Snorting, she floated down and joined him.

  


“So, tell me, what did ol’ Big Blue do this time?” he asked, putting the finishing touches on his airborne drawing of a brilliant pink bow, set to stick to Batman’s cowl when the man’s frozen leap resumed.

  


She stared at him. “Did you freeze one of the primordial forces of the world just to hear about my snit with my cousin?” she asked in amusement and exasperation.

  


“Figured you’d want to vent,” he answered shamelessly, wrapping up his Batman drawings with a set of cat whiskers, making the fearsome Dark Knight look rather like Hello Kitty. “Plus, I needed a minute to recharge anyway. Wrangling fiendfyre is seriously mentally draining,” he added. “Well … if you’re not okay with it going on rampage and killing everyone, at least.”

  


“… Right,” Kara replied, not even wanting to ask. After a moment, though, she simply sighed. “Honestly, it’s nothing major. Or it’s nothing new, anyway.”

  


“Ah, I see now. Everything’s becoming so clear!” he replied flippantly, floating over and beginning to work on Sirius with a smile on his face.

  


She snorted. “It’s pretty much the same thing he was doing when he got here in the first place. Treating me like a kid, trying to keep me out of harm’s way whether I want to be or not, refusing to let me do anything with my power when all I want to do is help people … it’s the same old thing. He just refuses to see me as anything other than a kid, or that it’s _my_ responsibility how I use my powers, not his, and he just can’t see that it’s _my right_ to use them to be a hero and to help make this world a better place! And it’s not just him, either, or even just me! All the League treats us … ‘ _sidekicks’_ ,” she practically spat the word, “like children running around on a battlefield, only to pat us on the head and insist that _of course_ they really see us as their ‘partners’. But they only say that when all we’re dealing with is picking up trash or finding stray dogs, and whenever it’s time for anything more serious, then its back to being the sidekick underlings who should stay in their playpens with all the rest of the children, and it’s such freaking _bullshit_!”

  


As that final word rang out across the frozen square, the panting blonde finally realized she’d been yelling almost that whole time, and that her fist was clenched so tightly that her fingernails were digging into her palm.

  


Meanwhile, Harry floated across from her, nodding and gently tapping his wand against his chin. “I see … and how does that make you _feel_?” he asked, an airy tone to his voice like a cliché therapist.

  


For a long moment, she simply stared at him. But once again, despite the wave of emotions crashing through her, he was able to bring all that to a halt and get her to break out into laughter almost without effort.

  


She was really starting to like that about him.

  


As Harry grinned at the laughing blonde, he gained a fond look on his face himself. “You know, I’m starting to get why I married you last night,” he said out of the blue.

  


With that, Kara’s laughter stopped cold and a burning blush made its way across her speechless face, much to her humiliation.

  


“I mean, listening to you just now … it was like looking at a picture of myself from a few years back,” he continued, putting a final flair on a “Call me Nymphadora!” sign on the pink-haired witch’s back. “When I was younger, I … well, I went through a bit of an angsty phase for a while,” he admitted, rubbing his neck somewhat sheepishly. “My family is great and all, and they did what they could to shield me from it, but the entire magical world we lived in practically … _worshiped_ me!”

  


The clear sound of disgust in his voice made it clear what he thought about that.

  


“Even before I could walk, the whole bloody lot of them practically tried to bury me alive with expectations, demanding that I be their savior, their hero, the greatest wizard the world had ever known, regardless of what I actually wanted.” He sighed. “And it really got to me for a while, I won’t lie.” His mouth quirked in a half-smile. “But then I had a revelation.”

  


Curious, Kara looked at him promptingly.

  


“ _I didn’t care_ ,” he answered, slowly and simply. “They could demand whatever they wanted. I didn’t give a shit. It didn’t matter if they wanted me to be a legend … or a kid sitting on the sidelines.” He gave her a look at that. “All that mattered was what _I_ wanted. They weren’t the ones who had to live my life. They weren’t the ones who had to look in the mirror every single day and see my face staring back. And they weren’t the ones who had to wonder if they even recognized who that person in the mirror was any longer. So in the end, all their demands and complaints didn’t really mean shit. I had to make my own damn choices, for better and for worse, and I had to live with the consequences, good and bad.”

  


As he spoke, he gently floated up to her level until they were hovering right across from each other. “Maybe your cousin wants you to be a normal teenage girl, sitting safe on the ground well away from danger. Hell, maybe your entire League wants you and all the other young heroes to do the same thing,” he suggested. “But in the end, all that matters is what _you_ want, cliché though that may sound. If your cousin or anyone else is disappointed with what you choose to do, then that’ll be very sad. But it’ll be outright _tragic_ if _you_ are disappointed with what you choose to do. ‘Cause in the end, only you have to deal with the joys and burdens of being Kara, and no one else.” He reached out and gently brushed a golden strand of hair from her face. “Though, for what little it’s worth … I think you’re pretty damn amazing.” His eyes glittered with amusement. “Or, dare I say … _super_.”

  


As he floated there, gently chortling at his lame pun, Kara simply stared at him, unreadable emotion welling in her crystal blue eyes.

  


After a moment’s silence, Harry started to look concerned, but as he opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong, she simply reached out and grabbed his collar before pulling him to her and kissing him.

  


Heatedly.

  


Passionately.

  


And _possessively_.

  


When they finally broke free, Harry had a slightly dazed look on his face, but the heated flush to his cheeks, and the look in his eyes, spoke of something far more than embarrassment.

  


Kara was tempted to kiss him again upon seeing it.

  


“You know,” she said, running her fingers through his silky black hair, “I’m starting to get why I married you last night too.”

  


For several moments, Harry simply blinked at her, but soon, a slow smile spread across his face. As he stared deeply into her blue eyes, his arms tightened around her waist, pulling her even tighter against him. However, just as they started to close the rest of the distance between them, they were brought up short by curls of smoke rising between their faces.

  


“Oh, damn it!” Harry complained, reluctantly disentangling himself from Kara to stare down at his boots. And sure enough, the golden-glowing runes were emitting smoke. “Brilliant bloody timing,” he groused sourly as he glared at the stupid hunks of dragonhide.

  


“That can’t be good,” Kara remarked, something of a pout on her delicate features at their ruined moment.

  


“Sidestepping time like we’re doing is intense stuff,” he explained, still glaring at the pieces of junk. “The current of time is constantly trying to drag us back into it. The spell can only hold that at bay for so long, especially for two of us at once.”

  


“So time’s about to start up again,” Kara interpreted, looking down at the still-frozen monster army and reading herself to fight.

  


“Yep. Back to the ol’ salt mines,” Harry groused, drawing his wand. After a moment, however, he looked back at Kara.

  


He didn’t even have to ask. “I’m going to fight. Today, and tomorrow, and whenever and wherever I need to, whether Kal likes it or not,” she declared. “I’m a hero. _Period_. And if he doesn’t like that … well, that’ll be very sad.” Her smile grew wicked. “For him.”

  


He smiled widely at that. “Well, then, Supergirl, I could use your help with something.”

  


Her grin was as bright as his. “What can I do for you … uh, Harry?” she replied, stumbling at his lack of a codename, but for some reason feeling a warm burst of confidence from him calling her by her own.

  


“I have a plan for how to deal with the monsters,” he explained, which seemed pretty damn comforting, given that the massive horde of monsters barely seemed to have diminished even with Harry’s and Kara’s own attacks, or the League’s defenses.

  


Whoever sent these things was _not_ messing around.

  


“I need to get the monsters past this point,” he replied, turning and waving his wand to draw an ephemeral line on the side of a building, which was just about level with where the frozen line of Leaguers was engaging with the monsters. “But I also need them stopped before crossing this point.” He flew over and drew another line across the street.

  


Several meters behind where the League was holding the monsters back.

  


“However, getting the monsters between these two lines is one thing,” he explained, “but what’s absolutely _crucial_ here is that _no one_ on our side is still in that zone when I make my move.” He paused. “Or … well, is there anyone you hold moderately strong negative feelings toward?” he asked, just the embodiment of innocence, even as he subtly glanced over at her floating cousin.

  


She gave him a flat but not unamused look.

  


“That’s okay. You don’t have to answer,” he said, tapping the side of his nose and winking at her conspiratorily. “But just make sure that no one you like … or want to see again … is in that zone when I give the signal.”

  


Kara studied the empty stretch of road in question carefully before turning back to the wizard she had married. “You can count on me, Harry,” she told him resolutely.

  


He smiled warmly. “I know I can, Supergirl.”

  


Once again, she felt a strange burst of pride at hearing him say that name.

  


Before any more words could be shared, however, the now heavily smoking golden runes running up and down Harry’s boots flared with light, and finally failed. With that, Kara felt like she was pulled through an overtight rubber tube and spun around in a giant centrifuge as she and Harry flared with golden light, and the world started up around them again.

  


Still reeling from the sensation of time restarting, she was bombarded with an almost physical wave of sound as the clamor of battle reached her again.

  


But she had more important things to worry about than a bit of nausea or some ringing in her ears.

  


She had a job to do.

  


“Hey guys!” she called out as she returned to her fellow “sidekicks”.

  


As one, they turned to the resolve-filled Supergirl.

  


* * *

  


_That’s my girl_ , Harry thought proudly as he watched Kara take immediate command of the young heroes, sharing their bare-bones plan after buying them a minute to breathe by crafting a sparkling wall of ice with her freeze breath. Even Harley and Nym joined the huddle, the hammer-wielding jester appearing joyfully indifferent to the many suspicious or nearly hostile gazes sent her way by the young heroes.

  


He had no idea what Kara might be telling them, or what they might try to do to get the monsters in the target zone while getting all of their own people out, but he didn’t need to. He wasn’t lying to Kara when he told her just how much she reminded him of himself. He had no doubt whatsoever that she’d manage to pull this off, even if she had to drag the others by their ears to help her do it.

  


That said, it still couldn’t hurt to lend a hand. And so, standing in the middle of the surging tide of monsters, he sent a mental command to one of the cadre of imperiused beasts surrounding him, with the creature in question obediently breaking off from the pitched battle it and its fellows had been fighting with their confused brethren. Like Ron Weasley charging towards a dinner table, the hulking monster absolutely plowed through everything in its path as it barreled towards its target, only to stop as it reached the now thoroughly alarmed teens.

  


Before they could attack, the beast slowly knelt and gently lowered its massive, gray-skinned head, blinking its large, brilliantly green enchanted eyes in front of a very special someone.

  


To Harry’s surprise and deep-seated amusement, it seemed to take her no time whatsoever to put two and two together, as evidenced by the joy-filled squeal that cut through the clamor of battle like a steam whistle. And so Harley Quinn delightedly and fearlessly scampered up the massive tusks jutting out from the creature’s face before planting herself firmly astride the beast’s neck, ready to ride her enormous new mount into battle.

  


The look on the surrounding teens’ faces was absolutely _priceless_. Though Nym, of course, simply cast a weary yet amused glance his way, while Kara shot him a look of astonishment and pure horror as she eyed the now thoroughly battle-ready Harley Quinn.

  


He simply grinned and saluted them both before switching places with another monster, who became a very quick and unlamented casualty of his squad of imperiused beasts.

  


The next several seconds were marked by a cavalcade of explosions erupting randomly and violently throughout the ravaging horde as he flickered throughout the army, switching places with human-sized beasts and disappearing before the others could more than simply register he was there, though not before leaving a present behind in the form of a runic trap, laid down using his boots and then immediately triggered by the next monster to take his place as he continued his devastating hit-and-run tactic throughout the entire back quadrant of the army, adding a bit more _oomph_ to the army’s desire to surge through the League’s line and into the target zone.

  


It wasn’t long before his brief arrivals were punctuated by howls of terror from the surrounding beasts, who had clearly figured out what was coming when he appeared even before they were shredded apart by the fiery blasts of his traps.

  


_So you can feel fear_ , he noted as he continued terrorizing the mutant army, which dutifully began surging even more desperately against the League’s backpedaling line as they fled from him like beasts from wildfire.

  


_Good_.

  


However, it wasn’t long before his boots began dangerously overheating from the amount of energy he was funneling through them to fuel his rapid-fire explosive traps, especially coming off the time-stepping strain he had just put them through.

  


Which meant that new tactics were called for.

  


He may have lacked the fangs the monsters had, but in that moment, his smile was more vicious than anything they could manage.

  


* * *

  


As Kara sent yet another monster bowling through its comrades, she honestly didn’t know which was more unnerving: Harley’s utterly maniacal cackle as her new and hopefully still mind-controlled war-mount smashed its way through its fellows like pinatas, or the reign of terror shredding its way through the army’s rear flank as her wizard continued his solo bombardment.

  


But the sudden silence as he stopped was _definitely_ worse.

  


“Hey Supergirl!” Kid Flash called out, darting out of the way of one of the blade-encrusted monsters. “How long do we need to keep doing this?!”

  


Blasting one of the energy-absorbers with freeze breath, shattering both its hopes and its body at the same time, she paused to eye the markers for their target zone. “Just a bit longer!” she called out in answer, noting how the majority of the obscenely large monster army was still outside the zone, while all the heroes were still smack in the middle.

  


“I don’t suppose you’ll tell us now what comes next after getting them all here, will you?” Zatanna asked, leaning on her knees and panting as she caught her breath from her casting while Aquagirl covered her.

  


“Of course not! That would ruin the surprise!” Kara answered evasively, ducking a yelping creature as it was sent flying by a battle-happy Wonder Girl.

  


However, the young amazon’s happiness was clearly still tempered by their overall plan, given her periodic grimaces as she held back punches or ducked too slowly from counterattacks.

  


You see, Kara’s plan for letting the monster army advance to where they needed it was quite simple:

  


They needed to lose.

  


Oh, not all at once, and not blatantly, but taking a bit too long to take down a monster here and there, or letting a beast or two stagger away from finishing blows that weren’t _quite_ strong enough, and their whole defensive line ended up progressively losing ground, inch by inch.

  


The Leaguers didn’t know about their plan, of course—there wasn’t any point in even _trying_ to get their glorified babysitters to go along with it—but even if they didn’t want her and the others on the battlefield, they still had no choice but to give ground in order to keep ranks with the young heroes, unless they wanted monsters to break through and start surrounding them all.

  


Though, admittedly, it didn’t really seem like their retreating line could solely be blamed on their own self-sabotage. The monstrous horde was unbelievably large, true, but above all, what made it so horrifically capable was how _organized_ it was. The army seemed to move as one, shifting about to pair the hulking, shock-absorbing beasts against physical combatants like Superman, while placing the energy-absorbing creatures up against the artillery-minded Leaguers like Captain Atom, who then had to worry about his own attacks being absorbed by his enemies and then let loose against his own teammates, all while the sheer force of numbers kept the rest of the team-members pinned in place long enough for the lightning-quick walking blade-factories like Kid Flash was facing to get _disturbingly_ close to taking them down.

  


This wasn’t just a mindless mutant army raised up to wreak some havoc by some no-name villain of the week. This was a targeted strike against the Justice League itself, and frankly, it seemed like a terrifyingly capable one.

  


But then she learned what terror truly was.

  


Out of nowhere, a horrible _noise_ rocked the battlefield, as if monstrous fingernails were being dragged against the world’s largest blackboard, only to halt with a momentous boom like a meteor striking the earth.

  


Unscrewing her eyes, she looked up to see that like herself, the heroes and even most of the monsters were covering their ears to block out that hideous sound.

  


But beyond the monstrous army, ever the exception, Harry floated, face unreadable, and in that moment, somehow terribly unknowable. And as his silver cloak rippled behind him even in the still air, he grabbed his strange golden ring, and turned its angular black stone once more.

  


Once again, that horrible sound returned, as if a building-sized megaphone was fixed on the glistening black stone as it turned and ground in its setting, and settled with a momentous boom.

  


This time, though, Kara was struck with far more than mere sound. For some reason, she felt an ice-cold shiver creep up and down her spine as that dreadful toll echoed out across the still battlefield.

  


And then Harry turned the Stone one last time.

  


Kara’s knees nearly buckled from the weight of that terrible sound, and the cold grip of dread that surrounded her, but she still stared almost helplessly as Harry reached out with his ring-bearing hand, and clenched it. Her breath felt frozen in her lungs as she watched that arm tremble, as if fighting to lift some unknowable weight as his burning green eyes glittered.

  


And then, without a sound, whatever he was struggling against gave way, and that arm finally rose.

  


And the dead rose with it.

  


Glittering silver fog bled through the ground all around him, rising and thickening as shapes started to appear, gaining the blades and claws and fangs of all the monsters he had killed. Or rather, some of them. The rest of the fog flowed like something alive as currents of the mist entered the bodies they had worn in life, which immediately started to rise jerkily to their feet, shining masses of solid-seeming gray smoke filling their wounds and taking the place of missing limbs where needed. For those whose bodies were too thoroughly destroyed, their specters stood silent at Harry’s feet.

  


Waiting.

  


Silence held the battlefield tight in its grip as monster and hero alike stared at the wizard surrounded by his army of the dead, his fluttering silver cloak making parts of his body seem to disappear as he hung there, motionless.

  


He said nothing as he raised his pale knotted wand and pointed it at the rest of the living monsters.

  


As one, his thralls surged towards their living fellows, while the bodiless spirits raced ahead and slammed into several of the backpedalling creatures, disappearing as their victims fell to the ground twitching. Moments later, the possessed creatures rose, only to join the rest of the undead army tearing through the living with a fearless, silent savagery.

  


A fearlessness their victims clearly did not share.

  


“Are you kidding me?! We’re dealing with freaking necromancy now?! Oh, no no no no no, that’s good! That’s fine! That’s totally fine! That never goes badly or gets everybody killed or makes the wizard go crazy because _they’re raising the freaking dead and I am so not okay with this! Is anyone else okay with this?! Because I am not okay with this!_ ”

  


This was evidently a trait missing from the heroes as well, if the panicked rantings of Zatanna were any indication.

  


Kara swallowed heavily as she processed the display of necromancy, a power she had seen quite often, though only in the hands of villainous madmen and literal devil-worshipping sorcerers. And as she stared at Harry, still floating there calmly, she found herself struggling to reconcile the fun-loving, surprisingly compassionate trickster she had come to know with … _this_.

  


And so she simply didn’t try. Instead, she bullheadedly shoved aside her near primal terror at the sight of the zombie horde, and her alarm at it having been raised by someone she was starting to … by a _friend_. And instead, she focused on dealing with the simple and unconfusing monsters right in front of her.

  


However, regardless of how one might feel about the wizard’s method, there was no denying that it was producing results. Between the panicked horde of monsters fleeing from their undead brethren and the unnerved Justice League suffering just a slight amount of distraction from the raising of said undead, the defensive line swiftly lost ground, bringing the horde closer and closer to their target zone.

  


They just needed one final push.

  


This time, as Harry disappeared from sight, this wasn’t followed by a barrage of explosions erupting randomly throughout the army. Instead, it was followed by attacks that were far less ground-shaking, and infinitely more terrifying to his enemies.

  


With one crack, he appeared in the midst of the horde, silently waving his wand at the hulking beasts surrounding him. As one, those beasts shook their heads and staggered, before looking up with an emerald sheen to their eyes. As Harry disappeared, his new unwilling allies turned on their unprepared fellows, attacking them with a savagery matched only by the undead horde behind them.

  


Another time, he appeared with a brilliant flourish of his wand as a roaring whip made of red-gold fire trailed behind it, slicing effortlessly through every creature around him before he disappeared, leaving a wide, near perfect circle of carnage.

  


Yet another crack was followed by brilliant flashes of green light, and the echoing thump of numerous heavy bodies dropping instantly to the ground all around before he moved on.

  


And with every slain creature, his army grew, glittering silver mist continuing to bleed through the ground to fill the new empty vessels he left strewn about in his wake, which rose to continue terrorizing the monstrous army just as the others did.

  


And so the last of the surviving army made it past the first mark.

  


“Alright, they’re in the target area, Kara!” Robin yelled, feeling in way over his head as he flipped and fought against an army almost too monstrous and terrified to even care. “I hope you have something really great in mind for what to do with them next, cause I really don’t want to see these things all get turned into zombies! That never seems to end well, and a rampaging, brain-hungering zombie-monster horde is really something I can do without in my list of life experiences!”

  


Given the emphatic nods coming from all the rest of their little impromptu team, he was clearly not alone in these sentiments.

  


“Just make sure everyone’s ready to go!” she told him. “We make our move when we get the signal!”

  


“Signal … _you mean this is zombie-boy’s plan_?!” Zatanna yelped, having rather quickly picked up on a very specific detail Kara had neglected to share with the others.

  


“I think he prefers ‘Harry’, actually,” Kara replied, hoping they’d still be willing to go along with it. She’d been nervous enough about that just from how they first met Harry by him whooping the Justice League’s ass. Now that he was outright _raising the dead_ …

  


“… Gods, I hope you know what you’re doing, Kara,” Aquagirl finally spoke up, clearly uneasy, but willing to trust Kara, if not Harry himself.

  


“I do,” Kara answered far more certainly than she felt, noting in relief that the others, while still looking unsure, seemed willing to go along with her anyway.

  


For now, at least.

  


“And what is this signal that our dark overlord in the making is going to give us?” Donna asked sardonically.

  


Kara paused, just realizing they had never clarified that point. “Well … something magical, probabl–”

  


“ _SIGNAL!_ ”

  


She blinked at the word bluntly shouted out across the battlefield by Harry.

  


“Alright, I guess that’s it! Let’s go, people, move it!” she yelled, not waiting to see if they complied.

  


After all, she was already starting to catch the faintest hint of a strange hum with her enhanced hearing, so they clearly didn’t have time to screw around. These monsters wouldn’t be staying in the target zone for long, and Harry obviously wasn’t wasting time to see if they would.

  


“Kara, what’s going on?!” Kal demanded, flying in front of her as he clearly noted the strangeness of what was happening, as well as Harry’s rather non-subtle signal. “All of you were supposed to beOOOF!”

  


Kara didn’t bother listening to him, simply tackling him in mid-air and carrying him with her as she fled the battlefield. And as she looked back, she saw that her friends were doing the same thing, just as they planned.

  


Kid Flash managed to grab the end of Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth as she threw it at one of the monsters, using his extreme momentum and Wonder Woman’s complete and utter surprise to swing her off her feet and out of the target zone with her whip.

  


As he did, similar scenes took place almost simultaneously across the battlefield, with the young heroes turning on their bewildered elders and bustling them all off the battlefield before they could even react to this bizarre turn of events. Tula used her powers over water in this endeavor, sweeping Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, and the Flash up in a single attack from behind before—respectfully, of course—flinging them back across the line Harry had drawn across the pavement. Donna Troy used a tactic much like Kara’s, simply flying into and grabbing the yelping Captain Marvel and the shouting Captain Atom before gracelessly hurling both Captains to safety. Robin managed to grab ahold of the airborne Hawkgirl and fired his grappling gun at the street behind them, yanking them both to safety despite her rather vocal confusion and heated cursing. Zatanna helped as well, casting a spell to cause Red Tornado to be jerked back behind the safety line like he was attached to a bungee, though the loud clanging and shouting that followed revealed that the rookie mage may have forgotten to cushion his landing.

  


To be honest, that poor android likely wasn’t going to be the biggest fan of magic after all he had been through today.

  


Harley Quinn, meanwhile, urged her colossal mount towards Black Canary, with her new pet scooping up the decidedly alarmed heroine from behind with one of its car-sized claws before swiftly carrying her past the line.

  


Even Harry’s wizarding family got involved, with Tonks flinging two carefully prepared stones at Green Lantern and Green Arrow, who then disappeared with a nauseating-looking swirl, while Harry’s somewhat grungy-looking godfather Sirius, who Tonks must have clued in, tackled the far more dapper wizard Zatara before they both disappeared with a loud crack, leaving nothing but a lonely top-hat in their wake.

  


With that, the sub-audible hum Kara had been hearing picked up in intensity, nearly making her teeth vibrate in her skull as she looked out across the teeming battlefield to see Harry gesturing his wand at the ground with an expression of absolute focus. As he did, the ground beneath the monsters’ feet suddenly flared with burning light as hundreds upon hundreds of identical overlapping runic circles were revealed.

  


And as every single one of them crackled with power, Kara’s eyes widened as she understood.

  


When Harry had fought the League, and spent several minutes keeping away from the Flash by rapidly switching and teleporting all over the battlefield, he hadn’t just been fleeing from the speedster; he’d been quietly laying down all these traps at the same time, just in case.

  


And now, he was putting them all to use.

  


As the hum reached its apex, every single one of the runes activated, each one belting out a coruscating column of emerald light that seared through the monsters and pierced the skies, all of them combined creating a thundering force that made even Kara stagger as the massive wall of light burned with light like the sun itself.

  


Just moments later, it ended, the earth-shattering crackle abruptly replaced with the sound of steam as the liquid-hot asphalt bubbled and smoked for yards around the site, ending mere inches before the ephemeral line that she and the others huddled behind.

  


Of the monstrous horde, there was no sign.

  


Not even ash.

  


As everyone around her muttered and blinked spots out of their eyes, Kara stared through the rising cloud of steam as Harry floated through it, landing gently on top of that ephemeral line, which vanished with a lazy flick of his wand.

  


“Well … that worked out rather well, wouldn’t you say?” Harry asked, a relaxed grin on his face as he brushed sweat-soaked hair out of his eyes. Turning, he cast a proud, beaming grin at Kara in particular.

  


Kara couldn’t help but find herself slowly smiling under that look of silent praise.

  


However, a red-black blur shattered the silence of the moment as it tackled Harry with a high-pitched squeal.

  


“Harry, didja’ see us out there?! That was awesome! Who knew all this heroing junk could be so fun!” the hyperactive girl yelled excitedly, staring up at Harry with brightly sparkling eyes.

  


Harry’s face settled into a soft, fond smile as he wrapped his arms around her. “I did see you out there, Harl. And you were incredible.” He lifted his gaze towards the entire group of young heroes. “All of you were,” he told them, his eyes looking deep into each of their own before settling on Kara’s in particular. “We couldn’t have done this without you,” he told her and all of them before his gaze lowered back to Harley’s. “ _Thank you_ ,” he said sincerely, raising a hand and cupping her cheek as his thumb gently brushed aside a piece of dirt from beneath her large, glistening blue eyes.

  


Pulling his head down, Harley met his lips with a fierce, joyful kiss as her left leg lifted daintily in the air behind her.

  


“ _Oooooohhhh_ ,” Green Arrow slowly drawled in belated realization as he and the rest of the Justice League took in the affectionate display. “That … explains a lot,” he remarked, everything clicking as he finally understood why this strange new wizard had been so fierce in defending Harley Quinn, as well as why Gotham’s infamous “Clown Princess of Crime” had been insisting she was turning over a new leaf.

  


“You’re just picking up on this now?” Black Canary asked him with a raised eyebrow and an amused smirk. “So much for having ‘the sharpest eyes in the League’,” she goaded.

  


“Rude,” he complained petulantly.

  


Meanwhile, those of a more adult persuasion were moving slowly and somewhat warily towards the now publicly revealed couple while the nearby young heroes stared in open astonishment at the … well, _craziness_ of someone kissing Harley freaking Quinn of all people.

  


As for Kara, her feelings veered more towards deep emotional confusion as she experienced a swirling mix of jealousy, happiness, longing, and frustrated uncertainty as she fingered the new golden ring on her finger and shifted between watching the kissing couple and the crowd of people they were freely kissing in front of, which happened to include her cousin, Kal, whom she had not yet told about the current … _situation_ between her, the wizard, and the jester currently trying to suck his damn face off.

  


Closing her eyes, she deliberately forced the burgeoning red glow from her eyes and took a deep, calming breath.

  


Floating closer, Superman coughed deliberately to interrupt the affectionate couple.

  


Prying her lips off his, Harley turned towards the interruption with a surprisingly venomous glare, only to pause and stare incredulously before breaking out in a wild cackle.

  


“… What?” Superman asked, disconcerted at the girl’s response, who even now was burying her face in the wizard’s chest to try and muffle her laughter, to little success. “… Do I have something on my face?” the Kryptonian asked uncertainly.

  


To his unease, this only made the jester laugh harder until the grinning wizard was having to hold her up because her legs were becoming so weak.

  


“Nah, it’s nothing,” Harry told the man with a patently untrustworthy grin. “Though, I must say, the mustache is a surprisingly good look for you. The glasses, however, not so much.”

  


Superman simply stared at the wizard in wordless confusion before Harry conjured a floating mirror in front of the superhero.

  


As he stared flabbergasted at the drawings he now saw covering his face, the young heroes finally got over their own shock at the sight and began laughing uproariously.

  


Meanwhile, Superman felt a slight burn creep across his cheeks as he took in his forced makeover.

  


As Harley slowly regained control of herself and looked back at Superman, though, she started giving the man a more curious look.

  


“Ya’ know,” she said slowly as she squinted at the man, “I can’t put my finger on it, but somethin’ about ‘im just looks awful familia’ now …”

  


“No it doesn’t,” Superman hastily and flusterdly countered, the drawing of glasses on his face coming disturbingly close to outing his civilian identity in front of everyone.

  


Harry, however, simply turned to his nearby pink-haired cousin with a snicker, having far more important matters to discuss. “So what do you say, Nym? Try giving _that_ a measly score of six,” he challenged, nodding back towards the scarred and melted former battlefield.

  


She gave it a considering look. “Maybe a 6.5,” she graciously offered. “But only ‘cause I love you.”

  


He gave her a flat look. “You’re the soul of generosity,” he informed her as he waved his wand at the desolation, beginning once more to repair the street.

  


“I know,” she agreed somberly. “It’s the burden I’m forced to bear.”

  


“Oh, don’t listen to her, my little Prongslet!” Sirius boisterously interrupted, stepping up and clapping an arm around Harry’s shoulders. “That clearly deserves another perfect score! I mean, man! Can I teach a kid, or can I teach a kid?” he self-congratulated, his preening somewhat lessened by the image of missing teeth and a prominent unibrow courtesy of Harry’s markings, which the man still seemed oblivious to.

  


Nym and Harry rolled their eyes at the man in perfect synchronicity, though Harry was silently plotting revenge for the man’s use of “Prongslet” at the same time.

  


“Uh, excuse me!” the Flash called out, interrupting their little family moment. “But can someone please tell me what the deal is with Big, Gray, and Scary over here?”

  


The subject of his concern, the hulking gray beast previously in the care of Harley, sat passively in the street surrounded by Leaguers staring at it uncertainly.

  


“Oh, I know! He’s so cute, isn’t he?” Harley squealed happily, evidently misinterpreting their looks of concern as those of adoration like hers was. Whipping her head back, the tails of her jester cap fanned out behind her as she looked up at Harry excitedly. “Can I keep ‘im?!”

  


His look was decidedly less excited. “You want a pet that makes piles of crap bigger than you are?”

  


Her expression became somewhat more uncertain at that point. “Well, couldn’t ya just … I dunno … magic that away?” she asked hopefully.

  


“Magic, my dear, is a very serious business,” he informed her in a somber, mystical tone that those who knew the man would recognize as another spot-on Dumbledore impersonation. “It has no place being used for such domestic crap.”

  


Of course, his point was somewhat undermined by the fact that he was using his wand to clean the sweat from his face and fix his hair at the time, as Harley clearly noticed, given her angry pout.

  


“It is just as well,” Martian Manhunter spoke up, floating towards them while staring at the domesticated monster. “We will need to study this creature anyway to learn what we can about who sent it and its ilk. Hopefully, its mind will hold the answers we need.”

  


“No luck there. I already checked,” Harry informed the green-skinned telepath. “It’s little more than a drone. Most of the creatures were. They can feel things, but they’re mostly just blank slates otherwise. You’ll need one of the telepaths if you want to get anything useful.”

  


“The telepaths?” the martian asked in confusion.

  


“Yeah, the little bug-eyed creatures scattered throughout the horde,” Harry explained. “They’re the ones that were mentally controlling all the rest of the creatures. That’s why they were all able to work together so well. If there’s any answers to find on where they came from, those creatures have them.”

  


“I see,” the martian responded, staring out across the repaired and completely survivor-free battlefield. “Then I suppose we shall have to find the culprits some other way.”

  


“Oh, there’s no need for that,” Harry informed the hero with a half-smile. “My uncle is currently sitting on a few of them for me.”

  


“Wait,” Harley interrupted, looking around curiously as she realized she hadn’t seen the man in quite some time, “where _is_ yer uncle?”

  


“Let me show you,” Harry replied, clearing his throat and calling out, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!”

  


“Yeah, that’s a comforting thing to hear right now,” Zatanna muttered, still staring warily at the necromancer. However, she and everyone else was soon distracted by a warping in the air nearby, quickly revealing the form of Remus Lupin bent over and prying what she recognized as an elaborately carved wardstone off the ground.

  


And scattered across the ground behind him were at least one of each of the gray-skinned creatures, all apparently unconscious and magically restrained, and each one with an unassuming piece of rubble stuck somewhere on their body.

  


“Rule number one for engaging with an unknown hostile force,” Harry recited. “CONSTANT VIGILANCE!”

  


Everyone around jumped nearly a foot at the sudden bellow from the obviously mad wizard.

  


“But rule thirty-seven is to always take some prisoners. And that means having somewhere to restrain them, and someone on guard duty to handle them,” he continued more rationally, though with a deviously delighted smile at everyone’s unnerved looks.

  


“Yes, and why is it always _me_ that receives that … _high_ honor?” Remus complained as he pocketed what Harry termed the “Dungeon-To-Go!” wardstone.

  


“Would you prefer Sirius hold that responsibility?” Harry asked, to which Sirius responded with a hateful hiss upon hearing the dreaded “R” word spoken in the same sentence as his name.

  


“Fair point,” Remus tiredly sighed before turning to the martian and waving at the prisoners Harry had surreptitiously portkeyed to him throughout the battle. “Feel free to interrogate one of the creatures, if you’d like.”

  


“Um … thank you,” Martian Manhunter replied, appearing somewhat at a loss for how to deal with the decidedly strange wizards. And so he instead simply floated over to the assembled prisoners, where he immediately began staring intensely at one of the small, horned creatures as he telepathically probed its mind.

  


“As for all of you,” Batman’s gruff voice suddenly sounded, causing many of the young heroes to jump as they spun around to find the caped crusader standing right behind them, “I believe you were instructed to leave when the battle started. I expect an explanation.”

  


Admittedly, the Dark Knight’s authority was somewhat compromised by the brilliant pink drawings of a bow and whiskers on his cowl, but as his cold white eyes fell on them, no one felt the urge to laugh.

  


However, they clearly weren’t all cowed by his glare even so.

  


“ _You_ brought us here!” Donna argued, the hot-headed amazon glaring openly at the bat. “You said we could get some experience fighting next you. Then the fight starts, and you treat us like kids and tell us to leave? What’d you expect us to do, tuck our tails and say ‘Yes, sir!’ and go take a nap?!”

  


“Donna!” Wonder Woman scolded, glaring at her impetuous younger sister.

  


“When we invited you along,” Batman began sternly, “it was because the intel we received pointed at a minor incursion directed at this city—a chance for you to get your feet wet in a moderately controlled situation. In reality, what we were facing was a large-scale attack directed at the Justice League itself, which you were frankly unprepared for and we had no place letting you get in the middle of.” As Donna glared more fiercely, however, Batman stepped closer. “You say we’re treating you like children,” he continued a bit more softly. “Well, part of being an adult is knowing your limits, and recognizing when you’re in over your head.” His eyes narrowed. “And part of being in the Justice League is _following orders_ , whether you agree with them or not.”

  


As Donna glared murderously at Batman, however, Harry spoke up.

  


“You know, I’m starting to think you were better off in your jackass form,” he pondered loudly. “At least then you were showing your true nature honestly.”

  


Batman turned back to this wizard, his eyes narrowing intensely. “As for you,” he growled, stalking closer to the wizard, and causing Harley to clutch him more tightly in fear. “The next time you pull a stunt like that while my people are on the field, you’ll find yourself on a one-way trip to Belle Reve Penitentiary,” he promised fiercely.

  


“And the next time you threaten me to my face, old man, will be the last time you have the ability to do so,” Harry replied, his tone breezy and casual, but his eyes as hard as stone as he met the bat’s gaze levelly.

  


“Ooookay, that’s enough of that!” Kara nervously decided, flying over and physically interjecting herself between the fiercely glaring Batman and the wizard twirling his wand daringly before a rematch could take place and destroy the street for a third time.

  


“She’s right,” Superman agreed, flying over and laying a hand on Batman’s shoulder. “Come on; we should see if Martian Manhunter has anything for us.”

  


For several moments, Batman continued to stand there glaring at Harry. But finally, he forcefully shrugged Superman’s hand off his shoulder and stalked over towards the green-skinned telepath still mentally examining one of the captives.

  


Kara gave a heavy sigh of relief as he did.

  


“And Kara, when we get home, we’re going to have some words about everything you’ve done today,” Superman warned her sternly as he started to fly after Batman.

  


“What?! You mean you’re seriously on Batman’s side?!” Kara demanded incredulously.

  


And furiously.

  


“You weren’t ready to get in the middle of something like that,” Kal insisted, turning back. “None of you were,” he continued, addressing the rest of the young heroes. “You’re too young, too inexperienced. You–”

  


“Can’t any of you even see what we did out there?!” Kara interrupted heatedly. “You keep saying this fight was too much for us, but we fought side by side with you and held our own! We even saved all your asses so Harry could blast all those ugly things to smithereens! We did damn good work out there! And all you can say is, ‘You should have gone home’?!”

  


“It’s not a question of your abilities, Kara!” Kal argued. “Yes, you did good work out there! But that doesn’t mean you should have been out there in the first place! We’re your mentors! It’s our job— _my_ job—to protect you!”

  


“No! It’s not!” Kara shouted fiercely.

  


After a moment of meeting her glare, Superman’s shoulders slumped tiredly. “Why can’t you see it from our side? We’re not trying to be the bad guys, here. We’re just trying to look out for you— _all_ of you. When the world found out we were letting minors work alongside us, the media tore us to shreds, but we accepted it, because we felt you had a right to use your skills and powers to do some good in this world. And we _also_ accepted that it was our responsibility not only to teach you what we know, but to make sure you stay alive while we do it. Because if any of you died out there, that’d be squarely on us for bringing you into this life.”

  


At that, he turned back to Kara, a more vulnerable look entering the Man of Steel’s eye. “And you, Kara … you’re my _cousin_ , the last blood family I have. Like it or not, it _is_ my job to keep you safe.” His face grew sad. “Even if you hate me for it.”

  


Kara’s face softened slightly, but the firmness in her eyes did not. “You’re right, Kal,” she admitted, making him look up hopefully. “You’re my _cousin,_ ” she repeated. “You’re not my father. No matter how much you want to keep me safe, it’s not your job to make my decisions for me. It’s _mine_.”

  


Superman stared at her for a moment before chuckling slightly. “You know, I think I said something very similar to my folks, once,” he shared before sighing and rubbing his hand through his hair. “Look, just … go home for now? Please? I promise, I’ll think about what you said, but for now, I need to finish taking care of this mess.” He started to fly towards Batman and Manhunter, but paused. “Oh, and … thank you, Harry Potter,” he said, turning a grateful eye on the surprised-looking wizard. “You really were a great help out there. I … _we_ … all appreciate it.” He gained a bit of mirth in his eyes as he looked over at Batman. “Even if some of us won’t admit it,” he added before flying away.

  


“… Huh,” Harry remarked. “Now I almost regret the time-delayed pictures of dicks that’ll be showing up all over his face later.” The corners of his lips lifted in a smile. “ _Almost_.”

  


Once again, Kara couldn’t help but laugh at her wizard.

  


“So that’s it?” Kid Flash demanded irately. “A half-hearted pat on the back by Superman, while Batman chews us out and sends us to our beds without dinner?”

  


“It could have been a lot worse,” the red-haired Tula interjected. “We disobeyed a direct order. We’ll be lucky if a scolding is all we receive.”

  


“Like Kara said, we did damn good work out there!” Robin argued. “I think we deserve a lot better than hoping we don’t get a talking-to.” He huffed and looked over at his mentor. “Though I’d actually be really surprised if that’s _all_ we had to look forward to,” he added, cringing at the thought of what Batman would have in store for him later.

  


“This is bullshit,” Donna bluntly summarized, folding her arms and glaring across the street at her sister, who met her gaze with a silent promise of a scolding of her own later. “And nothing’s going to change, either. Even though we _proved_ what we’re capable of, they’re still going to keep sticking us on kid’s detail after this.”

  


“Well … legally speaking, we _are_ still kids,” Zatanna weakly pointed out, though quickly cringing under the amazon’s fierce look. “Technically,” she added.

  


“So, what, we’re going to be stuck rescuing cats out of trees until we’re eighteen? That’s bullcrap!” Kid Flash complained.

  


“Trouble in paradise?” Remus asked Harry quietly as he watched the young heroes get into a more and more headed debate about what they were ready for.

  


“Evidently,” Harry replied, gently stroking Harley’s painted cheek with his thumb as she nearly went to sleep right there with her face nuzzled into his chest. “How are the capes getting on with their interrogation?”

  


“Not well,” Remus answered. “The green one told the muggle that the creature is apparently highly resistant to telepathy, so it’ll take a while to find anything useful. When I left, the flying one was suggesting bringing it back to their headquarters for a more lengthy telepathic interrogation.”

  


Harry snorted. “Well, let’s see if we can’t lend them a hand, then, shall we?” he asked, tapping his wand against his leg and reactivating the portkey stuck to one of the creatures. Unnoticed by the Leaguers interrogating one of its brethren, the creature vanished from the line-up and reappeared in front of Harry.

  


“ _Imperio_ ,” he incanted, forcing the tiny creature into a powerful hypnotic state while awaiting his mental commands. Rather than give any, however, he simply incanted, “ _Legilimens_.”

  


With its mental defenses forcefully lowered by the nearly irresistible effects of the unblockable imperius curse, his mental probe faced almost no difficulty whatsoever in plundering the creature’s mind.

  


“Get anything?” Remus asked as his nephew finally lowered his wand moments later.

  


“I’ll say,” he replied, staring thoughtfully at the creature before tapping his wand against his thigh once more, sending the creature back to the rest of his captives.

  


As he pondered what he had learned from the creature, though, the sound of more heated complaints reached him from the still agitated young heroes.

  


And then he got an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful, _awful_ idea.

  


Remus groaned loudly. “I know that face. That’s your ‘I have a terrible plan that will piss off a lot of people’ face.”

  


“Wouldn’t that just be my normal face, then?” Harry asked in amusement.

  


Remus sighed tiredly. “You know, I didn’t have a single gray hair before I moved in with you and Sirius,” he complained, ruffling his salt-and-pepper mane sadly.

  


“Yes, living with Sirius _is_ a lot to deal with,” Harry commented sympathetically, to a flat look from his uncle. “So, think you can keep our cape-wearing minders busy for a bit while I do what I do?”

  


Remus snorted before clapping Harry on his shoulder. “Be careful, pup,” he told the teen.

  


“No promises,” he replied with a grin as Remus trudged back to the captives shaking his head in amusement.

  


“Yer goin’ afta’ the guys who sent these things, ain’tcha?” Harley spoke up suddenly, unburying her face and looking up at him.

  


“I am,” he said, brushing a loose hair out of her eyes and tucking it back under her cap. “You want to come?”

  


“I go where you go,” she told him simply, smiling brightly at him.

  


Smiling back, he leaned down and gave her a soft, gentle kiss, causing her to purr warmly.

  


“We’re going to have some friends along for this outing, you know,” he told her as they finally let go of each other.

  


“Ah, they deserve a chance to show up those stuck-up Leaguers,” she replied, smoothing her costume and hefting her mallet on her shoulder. “It’ll be good for ‘em.”

  


He grinned. “My thoughts exactly,” he said as they marched over towards Kara and the Mini-Leaguers, who weren’t seeming so mini any longer.

  


A few minutes later, unnoticed by the Justice League, a wizard, a jester, and a growing team of young heroes disappeared with a muted blue flash, ready to prove themselves to the League and the world by finding the secrets buried within the source of this latest attack:

  


Cadmus Labs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, look at that! It only took eight months to update this story!
> 
> Wooh! I’m on fire!
> 
> Seriously, though, I’m really sorry about the long delay. I’ve been dealing with a serious hit to my writing confidence lately with Spirit of Iron, and combined with both a busy season at work and my pervasive financial straits, it’s been a bit of a struggle getting back into my writing, to put it lightly. But I’m here now! And hopefully, I can stick with it this time and get back into my writing schedule.
> 
> On a related note, I’ve also created a Patreon account under the name Raolin. If any of you are interested, any support you could give would be greatly appreciated. I get by on freelance work to make money, so it can be difficult to put aside time to write when that means deliberately turning aside paid work, especially when I’m not in the greatest financial place as it is. If I can actually start making some money from my writing itself, though, that means I’ll be able to devote more time to my writing, and thus be able to write more chapters more quickly. As a bonus, I’ll also be posting rough drafts of my chapters early on my Patreon page, so you can read them a few days before I finish editing and proofreading those chapters to publish them officially, if that interests you. On top of that, I’m also starting to work on a couple original stories of my own, so I should be able to start posting chapter drafts of those as well, once they’ve reached that point.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter, and let me know what you think :) I’ll see you next chapter!
> 
> … hopefully in less than eight months this time.


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